Can You Really Just Go Online and Order a Wife from Some Other Country?

While people have been sending messages back
and forth to arrange marriages sight-unseen throughout history, the slightly more modern
concept of mail-order brides is generally considered to have originated during the days
of the American Frontier- a region that, for a time, was decidedly lacking in members of
the female persuasion. At the same time, the east coast of the U.S.
had something of a surplus of single ladies, especially following the Civil War. Thus, farmers, miners and ranchers frustrated
with the lack of women they didn’t have to pay, but could rather woo with their abilities
with a spittoon and then start a family with, instead eventually took to placing ads in
newspapers across the country looking for love. Single ladies on the other side, often motivated
by getting out of their present situation and finding a devoted man, in turn likewise
took to placing ads for prospective husbands. Much like online dating today when matches
were found, the pair would invariably exchange saucy letters and at a certain point even
photographs to see if they were suited for one another. Also like today, this form of match making
came with a huge social stigma with it generally considered that the men were just out to get
sex and exploit women, while the women were out for financial gain of some sort, or in
more modern times just out for a green card. However, with exceptions, the reality for
the most part seems to indicate that, then as now, the majority’s motives were not
nearly so sinister or selfish. As law professor and author of Buying a Bride:
An Engaging History of Mail-Order Matches, Marcia Zug, states when she started researching
the book, “I expected to find that… mail-order marriages are fundamentally harmful and that
these problems are long-standing. I was surprised that this is not what I found. Despite significant risks, mail-order marriages
are typically beneficial and even liberating for women.” On that note, the ultimate goal for many men
in the days of yore was simply to find a companion in life and someone to start and raise a family
with- pretty much like the motivations of more traditionally established relationships. Indeed, many of ads from men looking for brides
reflect this quite explicitly. For example, consider this one from one lonely,
and quite frank, 19th century man: I inclose my photograf with My Full Description. It shows the features as nachel as can bee
only it is to Dark; I am very lite Complexion, Gray eyes, Orbon hair, 6 foot high, waight
190 lbs, inclined to be hump shouldered; A Muskler Man and a widower 28 years old with
A Commen Schol Equations, but have Got Anof to Atten to Enny Business, I am strictly Morrel. Don’t use tobacco nor whiskey… I hav Only One Thing to Offer, And it is Neither
Lands Nar Gold. But a Strong Arm and a True Hart and will
lay Down My Life for the Rite Girl and Be Happy, for I am tired of living Alone. The girl that Steels my Hart and takes my
name for the Remainder of My Lif I will make Happy, for I am hunting a Girl that I can
idolise and Make a Angel of. Of course, others just wanted a more traditional
arrangement for the day- love and emotional companionship not really considered at all. Case in point, an Arkansas man who wrote in
1855: Any Gal that’s got a bed, a coffee pot,
and a skillit; knows how to cut out britches, can make a huntin’ shirt, and knows how
to take care of children, can have my services until death parts both of us. However, given a study concerning mail order
brides, conducted in 1890 by criminologist Arthur MacDonald, this latter type of ad is
unlikely to have swayed the typical woman looking to engage in such a mail-order relationship. He noted, much to his consternation, that
a large percentage of the women placing and responding to these ads were primarily looking
for a much more liberal and equal relationship than they could get with their local stock
of men. As one woman he interviewed about her motivations
in taking part in such an arrangement noted, “I am very independent, and I have views
of my own which some people do not approve of.” Yet another stated, “I am tired of the society
act, and fancy I’d like just a tiny bit of bohemianism.” Also of note when reading these ads is that
the women are unusually forthcoming given the time period they were written in, prompting
the aforementioned law professor Zug to surmise that such ads were quite liberating for women
of the era as they allowed them “to take a more active role in the courtship process”. For example, consider this very frank ad written
by a Missouri woman from 1910: Attractive woman, not a day over thirty, would
be pleased to correspond with eligible man. Not absolutely necessary that he should be
young. Would prefer one with property, but one with
a good paying position would be satisfactory. The young lady is of medium height, has brown
hair and gray eyes, not fat, although, most decidedly, she is not skinny. Her friends say she is a fine looking woman. Object matrimony. Reason for this advertisement, the young woman
lives in a little dinky town, where the best catches are the boys behind the counters in
the dry goods and clothing stores, and every one of them is spoken for by the time he is
out of his short pants. Or how about this excerpt from an ad placed
by a group of women from Calgary in 1916: We have looked over the eligibles here, but
find most of them standing in front of the bar or out autoing with somebody’s else
wife. We don’t call them men. What we want is a real man with real brains
and real honor; a man who would like a good, clean wife and a good clean home and honor
them both… Now, if some good bachelor with plenty of
backbone, brains and brawn; who keeps himself scrubbed and brushes his teeth; who pays enough
attention to his fingernails to keep them from going into mourning for past decency,
wants a home and a homey wife, and thinks he can stand a little scolding once in a while
to give spice to life, we shall be mighty glad to hear from him and all about him. Also yes, you read that last part right- this
ad was indeed written by a group of area women looking for a potential male suitor. Even a century ago, men looking for love had
to deal with ads about hot single women in their area apparently. Not only that, but also similar to the modern
world of online dating, we even uncovered a few 19th century news stories of men posing
as young women, fake profiles, pictures and all, in such mail order bride ads. From the few stories we found, it would appear
the motive was primarily to make a fool out of men who responded to the ads. In one case reported in the New York Times
in 1876, supposedly multiple men were involved and even invited a prospective husband to
meet, at which point they doused him in sulfur flour, paraffin oil, and pelted him with rotten
eggs as he ran away. Moving on to the modern day, the process for
finding a bride is a little more streamlined with there existing nearly 3,000 mail order
bride agencies worldwide, around 500 of which operate in the United States. For the most part, these agencies are functionally
similar to a more traditional dating service with the goal being simply to facilitate meetings
between compatible people- just those who sign up here are more explicitly looking for
marriage. Another major difference, at least in the
United States, is that such mail order bride services must adhere to the terms of the The
International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005. In a nutshell, this requires the agencies
in question to perform extremely extensive background checks on prospective male clients. Said background check will generally be used
to ensure the person has a clean record, and will also be used to discern exact details
of one’s personal finances and marital status. This information is then fully disclosed to
women who are interested in a particular prospect to help them make an informed decision. It is also required by law in the U.S. that
the agencies insure that no man on the service can contact a given woman unless she gives
explicit consent for said individual to be able to do so. In a nutshell the intention here is to protect
women from being taken advantage of or misled, which naturally is a risk when brought to
a country that is wholly foreign to them, often with little way to get back. On this note, Zug notes, “The idea that
men are buying women and that the women have no say, no free will, basically that they’re
trafficked [is not true] … mail-order brides are very much, in most cases, in control. It doesn’t mean that it always works out. But they know what they’re doing in the
sense that they believe that this is going to be something that offers them an opportunity
to improve their lives.” Of course, often in such modern potential
matches there exists a language barrier that hinders progress in initial meetups. As such, most mail-order bride services offer
translation services, allowing clients and prospective partners to communicate more effectively-
a service it should be noted most agencies charge handsomely for, along with many other
fees leading to frequent accusations being levelled against some agencies that they’re
just preying on emotionally vulnerable men and attempting to milk them for all their
worth, with little care as to whether they actually ever find a match. In fact, the longer it takes to find a match,
the lonelier they potentially get and the more the company can make off them. As one individual whose made something of
a career in trying to help men and women who sincerely want healthy relationships find
each other, Mark Edward Davis, once put it: “The online dating scene, their business
model, is designed to keep you on the website, feeding the meter, not finding a wife.” Another popular service offered by some, but
not all, mail-order bride agencies is international trips to meet prospective partners in person
at events not unlike singles mixers. Said events allow clients to meet in person
to see if there’s a spark, with translation services often being on hand to facilitate
communication. As you can imagine these trips aren’t cheap
and as such, limit the dating pool to reasonably wealthy individuals. This all brings us around to the meat of the
issue- cost. Although mail-order bride agencies are hesitant
to reveal the amount of money they earn per male client, it has been estimated that, even
beyond considering the normal costs associated with the immigration process when marrying
someone from another country and attempting to get them citizenship, most clients will
have spent between $6000 to $10,000 when all is said and done. Because of the amounts here, this generally
sees the users of such services being older men who are either independently wealthy of
have a large amount of money saved. Again looking at more modern times, reasons
for using a mail-order bride service vary, though most queried men report that they simply
became disenchanted with dating people in their own area for various reasons, sometimes
just lack of any options, and other times just lack of options that the person likes. As one gentlemen aptly put it, “after my
divorce I noticed that the dating pool was very shallow, and wide.” As previously alluded to, women who sign up
today report signing up for vaguely similar, though slightly more varied reasons- mostly
centered around that they simply want a better life for themselves in a better environment,
more freedom than they have back home, and a stable and loving partner- a sentiment it’s
hard to disagree with since that’s more or less what most people want from a relationship. On this note, as in the days of the wild west,
a curious trend noticed by experts who’ve interviewed both men and women involved in
the mail-order bride industry is that: “The mail-order bride business as it now operates
may be in the perverse position of attempting to match independent, nontraditional women
with very traditional Western men.” Or to put it another way, the mail-order bride
industry is in the hilarious position of trying to match men with ultra conservative views
of marriage with confident, often very liberally minded women. For example, as one man looking for love abroad
via a mail-order bride service stated, he felt that his local women were, to quote,
“too interested in what I was worth. With women’s liberation in the USA, I had
them calling me, coming to my house. Before, the man called the woman when he wanted
to date her; the woman was not the initiator. Now is so different from what I grew up with,
so I thought that the best thing to do was to meet someone that can’t just come to
my house.” On this note in a study looking at why American
men who use these services so strongly go for Latina women, it was found that the men
in question tended to be looking for women who adhered more to the stereotypical classic
mold of a wife- dedicated to home and children while letting the man take the lead in more
traditionally manly roles. As one such man stated, “The husband and
wife are equal partners in the family structure, though not the same. Men and women are different in physical and
mental abilities. I feel that the wife has her place in the
family structure, such as giving more care to children, the house, and things of that
nature. The husband should take care of income and
things of that nature.” On the other end, the Latina women generally
considered even these American men to be suitable because they found them to be, to quote the
author of said study, “more faithful, less jealous, and less chauvinistic than” their
local men. Or as one Colombian woman who ultimately married
an American man stated, “I met men in Colombia, I was married, I had my experience. I decided to look for something different,
try men from another culture that might be better than ours. American men are more serious; [they] worry
and respect their wife.” On this note, in an attempt to explain this
seeming paradox, the aforementioned Marcia Zug surmised in an interview with The Guardian
“that it’s all about perspective”, noting that “for many of these women an unliberated
American man seems like a feminist” when compared to the dating pool in their respective
countries of origin. Then again, it doesn’t seem like this is
all that big a deal considering what little data we have access to suggests that the divorce
rates for marriages brokered by mail-order bride agencies are in the ballpark of the
rates for the average U.S marriage, though of course the potential for deportation until
some level of citizenship or residency is established perhaps provides extra motivation
to stay together, where someone found locally might have just left a given bad situation. On the male side of things, given the large
percentage of men with very traditional values and views on marriage participating, they
likewise might be slightly more motivated to stay together even in a bad situation,
both because of these views and also potentially knowing the possible consequences to the woman
should they divorce her. In any event, to sum up the answer to the
question posed- yes, you can indeed go online and find a bride through so-called mail-order
bride agencies, and remarkably people’s motivations both in the days of the wild west
and today in entering into such arrangements seem pretty much to be the same, and not really
that different than the motivations most everyone has when wanting to find a companion in life. And
for the curious, it turns out there are also mail
order husband websites out there, but as you might expect, they aren’t nearly as popular
as their lady-filled counterparts. Also
for those curious- yes the author and editor of this piece’s suggested ads were a complete mess after researching this
topic, even prompting the editor’s wife to ask some pretty poignant questions when
later observing said ads that were coming up on his computer… We’d also now like to apologize for the
ads you’re no doubt now getting thanks to reading this piece.

100 thoughts on “Can You Really Just Go Online and Order a Wife from Some Other Country?

  • I bet though back in the day they were a lot luckier than we are now and never had to deal with LiveJasmine!

  • Hah, I was asked if I wanted to make $7,000 back in 2003 or so by marrying a Chinese woman. I declined, which was fortunate since both my wives (one after the other, clearly) after that were imports too (US, Korea).

    On a related note, around the same time, a friend of mine agreed to take on such a contract, and ended up falling in love with the woman. I was just at their place today, they are happily married to this day.

  • So they give the man a background check and a credit check to show the women that they are moving up but the man doesn't have any protection and don't get any kind of proof of their financial situation

  • One of my mom's friends was a mail order bride. She was from the Philippines. Her and husband are still together today.

  • Is it really a mail order bride if she doesnt show up in a large wooden crate straight from soviet Russia?😂

  • The "translation services" are scams.
    It's basically one person charging for writing emails, impersonating multiple "brides" for multiple customers, but they end up visibly losing track of the conversations ( asking the same questions you've already answered, etc. )

  • My grandparents were an arranged marriage from Italy… that's why I'm here and I'm happy it worked out for them😃

  • Hello! i'm from Chile and a few years ago there was this tv show, it showed documentaries and lots of interesting topics, it was called "contacto" and they also covered this topic and showed how a russian woman travelled to the north of Chile to met her new fiance.

  • Stupid ass video! Literally just tell us yes there are mail order brides this is how you find them! And give stories this video and you are trash

  • It used to be that you could, but today you are far more likely to be scammed; and even if you do find someone, how are you going to get her permission to emigrate to the UK or USA? And if she did get here, she would very quickly find out that she could divorce you and live on state assistance.

  • Conservative man meets seemingly independent woman from another country, takes her to his homeland, marries her and leads a happy life in a traditional family.
    Feminists: Autistic Screeching

  • While off topic, it is mostly focused on marriage and "love", this is a reply I wrote on another person comment thread, and I figured eh I will reuse it, maybe edit it a bit, not much though, I have a case of scatterbrain a lot going on. So here we go.

    There are people who still have no choice in marriage, and they do fall in and out of love with one another. And, yes it is true for a long time marriage for love as we know it today wasn't common, though it did take place, though Hollywood has hyped that up a bit. For a long time marriage was a financial thing, specially in the upper class. The one time the lowly peasant had it better, they got to marry out of love on occasion, if the father hadn't traded his daughter to another mans son. Though this wasn't a bad thing, they could and were terminated. Also "Love" isn't that Hollywood crap. A lot of stuff you see in romance movies wouldn't win you your lover, it would likely win you an order of protection/restraining order. What happened here with the OPs Great Grandparents is a lot like arranged marriages, but with the obvious differences. Which means love can form in and from the craziest things. . .And. I don't mean stalker shit, stalkers end up either defeated and heart broken and depending on the creeper level the outcome could be worse.

    That euphoric feeling of never wanting to be without a person is a temporary thing for the most part, very few relationships maintain this type of love, as it can fade quickly or slowly, this doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, this is were the whole communication bit comes into play. This is were the challenge begins, because while the love fades, it doesn't go away. It just doesn't produce that high, which is why we have chronic daters. True love isn't that sappy shit, true love is working with one another, making concessions, basically being loyal friends that share a love outside the normal realms of friendship. And, to be able to sit in a room after 10-20+ years of marriage doing their own things, or watching television, or many other things, without the need to talk is beautiful. Re: need I say that because they may want to talk about what ever even is it is laughably boring.

    And, while Divorce rates aren't as high as they used to be, the picture put forth by the media and Hollywood(and idiot friends on the sides of both partners giving horrible advice, people see this loss of the chemical cocktail naturally produced as an absolute sign of the relationship.(That I am aware of, please correct me if I am mistaken I truly wish to learn, about nearly anything I can learn. I will not Argue, if you attempt to start one I will ignore you, if you present information without being smug or condescending I will look into it learn as much as I can, then I will either thank you for the information, or if both of us wish to debate, I would gladly do so. I may be bored and wasting time, but I do have a choice on how I want to waste said time. Even though I sound rather smug and even pretentious in this comment.

    This can all be applied to mail order partners, they can have the love at first site bit, or the friends growing into lovers, and back to friends who love each other and can enjoy sitting quietly in a room together, doing their own thing, or simply lying on the couch/bed/floor snuggle up under a blanket, and be 110% happy and content. OR not…Which I again call true love. Because we all know grand gestures get old, and borderline creepy at times, well for the majority of us. And, we are the ones that can't stand those loveydovey constant PDA (which a little bit is cool, but there is a line, people don't want to see a couple groping each other with their tongues down each others throats./exaggerating. . .a little. lol.) who have been together 2 week or 2 decades.

  • My spam folder is full of porn emails, all assuming I'm not only a male, but a male who's so desperate for sex that I'll pay $$$ for fifth-rate porn.
    There are not a few "get your mail-order bride here" – as I'm cursed with a ".com" email address, these human-trafficking or at least porn-for-$$$ sites are obviously aimed at Americans – the "brides" are always Russian, Asian, Costa Rican, Filipino, or Ukrainian – all "lesser races" – never seen any advertising European women for sale.

  • I have an example that predates the days of the American frontier by more than a century.
    During the 1600's in New France (The area that is now eastern Canada and the central US) had a problem with male settlers greatly outnumbering female settlers. To alleviate this problem, Louis XIV, King of France, sponsored sending roughly 800 young women, known as "filles du roi" ("girls of the king"), to New France as brides for the male settlers.

  • All you've really done is establish that Through the Ages genetically women live through hypergamy they do not marry for love the reality is especially if they're young but really it's any age if a woman is with a man and let's say he makes $15 an hour and he's a good guy treat her as well as he can but he has a twin brother who is a complete a-hole but is a millionaire she will leave him for the a whole brother you can bet your life on that as far as Hispanic women I've known many men in my life I've lived in many parts of the country play many Sports and have known men from all walks of life and I'm not going to lie a lot of them have looked for a wise in other countries but I haven't met one that was looking for a Hispanic or Latino women they all have looked for either Ukrainian Russian or especially Asian wives and I totally agree with Asian wives as they have more common sense are more appreciative and they're not racist and want to destroy the white or Western culture however you want to say it as they actually respect it and aren't going to jump all over the man and order the family he's with and scream they're racist Non-Stop if they simply point out a fact or don't agree with every little thing they say of course the sad thing is countless Millions of illegal aliens and that's what they are there not immigrants are and have been flooding the border of America for decades with no intention of emigrating being peaceful appreciating what America brings learning the language obeying the laws or understanding the sacrifices made to create this country and Democrats with their Sanctuary cities welcome then and even let them vote in elections while at the same time screaming other country shouldn't interfere in our elections? but while peaceful and respectful people from Asian countries have an incredibly hard time getting in and it will cost someone mountains of money and countless hours of leg work it's insane really what is saddest of all is most people of Asian countries aren't coming to America anymore they see what the Democratic Party has turned America into the crime rates the dangers and how it's going to collapse and they don't want any part of it if you don't believe that check out the cities in America that have the largest Asian populations what you will find is Asians live in places with low crime rates and well-paying job rates because they're smart and respectful and realize there's a lot of value in that and there's few places in America where that exist anymore

  • Wife/Bride-Mail sounds like sexual trafficking.

    Females are looking for financially exploiting males.
    Males are looking for sexually exploiting females.
    Was there ever as survey or something similar to figure out if the stereotypes are true or false based on numbers.

  • 10:48 oh my god it's true even eharmony tried to set me up with overly radical man hating feminists

  • Jeez, with the slags about now you can go down the local whetherspoons and buy a bride for a VK ice

  • I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be something weird and creepy, but it's nice that it actually works to help decent but lonely people to find a companion.

  • Video about mail order brides… Advert on the right hand side Meet your Czech Soulmate… well played Youtube well played…

  • In the 16th century France sent unmarried women to Canada in order that they would marry French traders and settlers and speed up the colonization process by forming more families. They weren't specifically matched with a prospective husband before arrival, though.

  • You can, and sometimes they get lucky enough to become the first lady of the United States of America.

  • I love listening to Simon but dammmmmm. Now he's selling out and slipping in some advertising on the sneek

  • When I was young I found it very difficult to talk to and approach women. I would say if I was rated out of 10 a 5. However, I learnt how to be charming and able to create a good dialogue which in turn over the years I have managed to go out with some very attractive women. The only problem is what I have found out that simple troglodyte men seem to constantly try and hit on my girlfriends even though my girlfriend showed little interest simply because of the way I look. "What's she doing with you?" was something I use to get all the time. I think guys use to eye me up more as a way of sizing me up or something hard to explain really.

  • Honestly I've thought about doing this. I am a 37 (38 next month) year old man that has still never been married and has no kids. To make things worse I am someone that actually wanted to settle down early. I wanted to be married by 22. It seems to me that people that want to settle down early never find love (or find it late) and those that want to just have fun end up finding someone earlier than they'd expected. I've seen this pattern time and time again. It's just ironic. Anyway finding a woman my age that still has no kids and/or wants (more) kids is pretty difficult. There are 3 reasons I have not done what is discussed in this video. 1st is the cost involved, 2nd is the fact that we should love each other if we're going to get married (although that could come later) and 3rd is I'm afraid she will leave me as soon as she gets a green card/citizenship. If it weren't for these 3 reasons I would have done it by now because I would just like to have someone already.

  • Really a woman who can't find a man in the country she grew up in. Doesn't seem like very good odds. But I guess some people make it work. Probably lucky or very motivated.

  • Although i don't remember the title, there is a movie about a man living in canada or U.S. and he date an Asiatic girl. They finally met and start living with each other but she have a hard time adapting to everything, food make her sick, she don't understand him and he doesn't understand her either. They both have only a year to conceive a child or she will be sent back. A great story. If i find the title i'll post it here.

  • This is why you should use DuckDuckGo when researching these things.

    Less likelihood of those ads following you everywhere.

  • Just a tip but good looking thirty year old, well spoken, ambitious woman willing to settle for a decent man with steady income, either means dominant woman looking for loser husband to suck the life out of, or better men’s leftover girl with experienced vagina.

  • Image using some of these old advertisements as an online dating profile! Do you think any women would respond to somone who writes like they are in 1890?

  • Now all we have is "my kids are my world" and "Looking for a real man to step up and be a father for my chilren."

  • Lot of older guys are renting for 7 years and then give them 50 Grand at the end and never hear from them again and on to the next one….if you have the cash seems to work well for them!

  • Hey, you forgot to include those links to the mail order husband sites. Maybe I can get shipped off to a tropical island.

  • pfft, I get those sort of ads all the time; I'm more worried about getting ads for coffee, java and cleaning java from my comp…

  • While it may be relatively easy for people in certain developed western countries to find themselves mail order brides/husbands from regions like Asia & some Slavonic type countries etc, the difficulty can then often be getting that mail order spouse to be allowed into one's home country as migrants, permanent residents, & eventual citizens.

    Some countries have very strict rules about who they will allow in as migrants – even though the person wishing to migrate may now be the wife/husband of a citizen of that developed western country. The fact that one is now the spouse of a citizen of that developed western country does not necessarily automatically entitle one to be allowed into that country as a migrant/permanent resident, & often the immigration authorities can be very sceptical about the genuineness of such "mail order" type marriages, & the amount of documentation one needs to produce, to confirm to the authorities that the relationship is a genuine one, can be quite onerous – such as providing evidence of the couple's correspondence over a considerable period of time.

    I personally know of one married couple where the partners were from different countries, whose relationship went through such considerable scrutiny by the immigration authorities back in the 1990's – & theirs was not even a "mail order" relationship/marriage. The girl was from an Asian country & had studied for a number of years at a university in a western country, during which time she met her future husband, who was from that western country, & they became romantically involved. After completing her studies she returned to her home country (as required under the terms of her visa) & got a job there, but their relationship continued as a "long distance" one for some time, before they finally decided to get married, which took place in the girl's home country.

    Following their marriage, the man eventually returned to his home country (where he had a job to go back to), but it took quite some time before the girl, who was now his wife, was eventually issued with a migrant visa to be allowed into her husband's home country as a migrant/permanent resident. In order to do that, they had to provide copies of their correspondence from the "long distance" part of their relationship, even though their relationship had actually commenced while the girl had been studying in her future husband's country for several years.

    So, although those "mail order" types of marriages can certainly happen with relative ease – it's not always then quite so easy to get that spouse migrant status into one's home country.

  • Hey, the first guy sounded like investigative discovery material LOL I'm hunting a girl that I can make an angel of LOL I know he said idolize but it sounds like hunting a trophy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *