Oh hey, everybody. Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. We play Dungeons & Dragons, I’m doing it now, I can’t–
Hoo-ah! (Matt laughing) Welcome to our Halloween episode. (cast laughing) It’s all sorts of insanity. Before we get into our announcements tonight, we’ll just go around the table and say what we are and show off the costume. Taliesin. I’ll start with Sam Riegel, the invisible man, which is very–
He’ll be here shortly. He looks so good tonight. He’s so good. He’ll shortly be here. I am Barry Allen, I’m The Flash, I’m the fastest man alive from Injustice 2, so yeah, here we are. Which, in case you haven’t realized, the theme of this is–
There’s a theme. The theme is characters that we’ve voiced. Yes. So Taliesin has voiced Barry Allen, The Flash, which is awesome.
How you doing. (Travis laughing) Laura. Hello. I am Kait Diaz from Gears of War. Yeah! Specifically Gears of War 5, with this particular ensemble. Which is fuckin’ sweet. It’s so good, yeah. What, oh.
Damn. Yeah, it’s legit.
Hurt your hand? I kind of did. (cast laughing) Your titties broke your knuckles. That’s right. That’s absurdly awesome. It is so, what? Where’d you get that? You handcrafted that, right? Of course, or my friend at Microsoft was really awesome and sent it. Blaine, I love you, yeah. Fantastic. Over at this table. I’m Gaara, from the hidden sand village. (cast laughing) I got a gourd.
You do. In this backpack. (cast laughing) I Manic Panicked my hair for the first time since high school for this bit! Oh my god!
Yeah! (shouts) Good man. That’s it. Marisha. See, I thought I would pay homage to all the voice over roles that paid my rent for so long. You know, could give a shout out to a main character, but why not some representation. That’s right. For Soldier B. That’s right.
Yeah! Soldier B! We’ve all been Soldier B. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been Soldier B. With such classic and infamous lines as, “sniper, right up ahead.” (laughing) Or, “grenade, 6:00!” Or everyone’s other favorite, “grenade, 8:00!” Or? “Grenade, 12:00!” Or? Get a frag out. Or “I need a medic!” Oh, that’s good. That’s pretty slick. Can you give us three, one close, one medium, and one long range? No, don’t, no, don’t, no don’t. (groaning) There it is, there we go. That’s not bad, that’s not bad. I felt it. Thank you, thank you. And thank you, Soldier B, for being the hero of my career. (cast laughing) ♪ Thank you Soldier B ♪ For taking that grenade so that we all could live. (cast laughing) Travis. Yes, I am Two-Face, from Batman Animated Series. (cast laughing) Either that or I stuck my hand in the airplane toilet bowl. Also viable. Yeah. Just did half my head. He did this, by the way. It’s killer, I thought he was messing with me. Yeah, kids, get a theater degree. It’s not totally useless. (cast laughing) Once a year, you might get to use it. (cast laughing) ♪ The more you know ♪ (laughing) Sam will be arriving here shortly, but I’m representing a little Overwatch, hello, as McCree, and it’s difficult to sit in this outfit, so. I feel your pain. Yeah. Stand though, did you show it off, did you show it off? ‘Cause you glow too. Well I’ll show a little bit. Yes! It’s not a proper arrangement there. God damn. Oh no, wire come loose, he’s gonna lose it! (cast laughing) I didn’t bring the– Oh, sick.
God damn. I didn’t bring the flash bangs, ’cause I figured you wouldn’t see ’em, but then they made me stand up, so there you go. (cast laughing) But anyway. Badass motherfucker. Excited to see what Sam dressed as. Yeah. Anyway, bringing it back in. Let’s go ahead and get into our announcements tonight before we start our session. So, we have two sponsors tonight, first, our friends at Eldritch Foundry are sponsoring tonight’s episode. For those who aren’t familiar, they make super high quality awesome miniatures on demand that you can customize and print on their website. They have officially launched their service. They’ve had some beta going on for a while, it’s now officially launched, you can go check it out, they provide like, legitimately, as the technology progresses for customizing your role playing game minis and putting ’em out, it’s the best I’ve seen so far, it’s amazing. They already have a bunch of options available on their platform, and continue to add new ones like warforged, orcs, half-orcs, starting next month, I think is when they’re starting that one up. So look for that, and right now you can enjoy 15% off your order when you use the code critrole, it’s back. Critrole! At checkout on their website, which is eldritch-foundry.com/critrole. Critrole! Check out their website, and thanks so much for supporting our show. Next up is the return of our friends, D&D Beyond. ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ Sam is not here, Liam. Man oh man, what is not to love about D&D Beyond? We use it, we love it, every rule, every character at the tip of your fingers, but I gotta say, Sam not being here to sing D&D Beyond’s praises, it just feels off to me, because really, what a magical combination those two make together, like Criss and Cross, chocolate and peanut butter, Taliesin and ancient Sumerian blood sacrifice. They co-mingle and make each other better. So, rather than try and fail with some non-Riegel comedy routine, I just want to make a toast in their honor, that’s it. Excuse me, one sec. Oh jeez, my gourd. Oh jeez. It’s Liam this time. Okay.
Oh no. Moment of silence. It sounds like a weak fart.
Silence. (wine pouring loudly) That’s a big-ass glass of wine. Is he gonna do the whole bottle? It’s gonna be the whole bottle, it’s gonna… (mumbling) Oh no, oh no. So close. So thank you, Sam, and thank you D&D Beyond for continuing to support the show. You can find out more about their wizardry over at dndbeyond.link/criticalrole. Cheers, dears. All in one, all in one. No.
Chug, chug, chug. (groans) Go fuck yourselves. (cast laughing) Nice toast. Thank you, Liam, and thank you, D&D Beyond. Quick reminder, daylight savings time ends this weekend in the United States. And if you don’t know what that is, we are so jealous of you, if you don’t know what that is. Google it. So be sure to check out wheniscriticalrole.com to make sure our broadcast time calculations work for you, if you’re not part of that whole weird time change that makes little sense. And in case you missed our stream yesterday, I painted one of our favorite NPCs, Orly, the skiffback which you guys created, ooh. My apology. Don’t you tarry, Barry. That’s what happens when he speeds up. Yep.
He’s revving up. It’s the time treadmill. But I got to return to form doing oil paints with Babs Tarr on Pub Draw– Laura’s so mad, I’m sorry. It would’ve sucked. (Taliesin laughing) I am so rusty. But if you didn’t check it out yet, it’s on VOD right now on our Twitch channel, and subscribers, it’ll be available on our YouTube tomorrow morning, so check it out then. Marisha, you have some stuff to talk about too. Yeah. The very first episode of Mini Prime Time, with invisible man Sam Riegel. It is on YouTube for you to check out right now. I love it so much. It’s so fucking funny. It’s good. As many of you all have pointed out, it’s weird. (laughing) Yeah. You know, I feel like after episode one, they kinda found their groove and it normalizes. Mm-hmm. Mm, mm. So next week is Liam’s episode. Ooh!
Hey. Gonna be enjoying painting Caleb, doing some dirt and grime technique. Caleb.
It’s good fun. And finally, Undeadwood Part III airs tomorrow. (laughing) November first, seven p.m. on our Twitch channel, VOD will be immediately available on our Twitch channel. And it’ll come out on YouTube on Sunday, which is amazing. And of course if you prefer listening to the podcast, you can catch part two, which released I think today, or it’s releasing yester–
It’s so good. I think it’s there, I don’t know, but it comes out on podcast network too. So good.
It’s really good. Yeah, beautiful. It was a lot of work. (sighs) Do you need a medic? (Laura laughing) Man down! (Matt laughing) Perfect. (Marisha laughs) Well, I think, if that’s all of our announcements, I think it’s time we go ahead and jump into tonight’s special Halloween episode of (cast gasping) Critical Role. (cast cheering) McCree! (water bubbling) (explosion booming) ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware ’cause you’re about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Digging deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing) And welcome back. (cast laughing) Dammit, all right. So, last we left off, the Mighty Nein had been in search of Yussa, an archmage ally of theirs, that they had gone to after it seemed that all was nearly lost when it came to their struggle against Obann, as he races towards some sort of endeavor in the name of the Angel of Irons. After discovering that Yussa had vanished into Heirloom Sphere that you had given him months before, you made contact with an ally of his named Allura Vysoren, and then proceeded to go into this sphere known as the Folding Halls of Halas, where a series of inter-dimensional rooms are connected by a singular twisting tower, only some of which have been explored. Following the footsteps of Yussa, you’ve made your way through multiple chambers, fought golems, made golems, managed to hunt down the Permaheart, which was a specific artifact that maintained the undying nature of the Laughing Hand. And after destroying that– Hold it! (cast laughing) Objection! Oh my god.
(cast laughing) What, what? Hold it! What? Objection! There it is. Are you Sonic the Hedgehog, what? (cast laughing) This is not an official Phoenix Wright wig! (cast laughing) No, we know. We gathered that much, Sam. No, we know. I had to hold it while someone glued it down. Did the audience get a full view of your ponytail? I don’t think Phoenix Wright has a ponytail. But he does now! Phoenix Wright has been going through some stuff. Yeah. He hasn’t done well after the divorce. My hair actually looks like Kait’s, and then you just do that. I love it. Back to you, Matt! (cast laughing) I only have two lines in the video game! (cast laughing) Miami trial attorney. Thank you, Mr. Wright. (cast laughing) In discovering through some notes that Halas had been experimenting with cloned bodies and seemed to have some sort of ritual chamber somewhere in the dreadnought, which you had found on the map, you went to investigate this dreadnought and discovered it was an astral dreadnought that had been chained down, its eye covered, and kind of held adrift from the center of the Astral Sea as via the door you had followed. You pulled one of these levers, which then opened the jaws of the astral dreadnought, and then you all proceeded to step inside of its mouth. Come on, man! (laughs) Come on, we’re okay, right? You say that like that’s weird. Choices you make in the dead of the night. Look, I ain’t judging. Don’t seem as wise. Did you know you’re dressed as a cowboy? Believe it or not, I’m well aware. (laughing) He also has a weapon. Are you dressed as a sand village weeabo? He’s probably not that good a shot. (laughing) So after stepping into this astral dreadnought, you found yourselves now standing in this cold, almost natural-seeming cavern, larger in diameter to where you cannot see the walls around you, ceiling above you, but a few burning bits of light in the distance and what looked to be a small arrangement of furniture. And that’s where we left off. So, Mighty Nein, as you now walk into wherever the interior of the dreadnought sent you, what would you like to do? How lit is it in here? Where you’re standing right now? Pitch black. You can see what little bit of light there is, maybe 100 or so feet ahead of you, that’s kind of illuminating those bits of furniture around. But that’s– What kind of light does it look like? Is it like candlelight, or? From what you can tell right now, it’s brighter than candlelight, more like torchlight, though you do not see the specific sources of where this light may be. It could be lanterns or things around the vicinity, but you’re not close enough to make out specifically the light sources. Are there any sounds whatsoever. Make a Perception check. Oh my god. Bah. First roll. Everybody’s costume is so good except for mine. Seven. Seven. Seven. I mean. Looks like somebody hit you with a Goodwill. This was $24.99, guys. (laughing) And I should’ve ironed it.
22 bucks too much. The hair, yes. (laughing) So, with that–
You just catch on fire. You listen intently and hear nothing. It is still, silent, an absence of any movement, sound, or life. Anybody else? Can we hear each other? You begin to test that theory? Are you talking out loud, though? Yeah, you can hear the snap sound. Okay. Did you say something? You hear Caduceus.
I snapped. What? I snapped.
Oh, okay. You snapped? Like mentally, like you had a break or something? I mean–
Not yet. About to. I’m gonna light up a bit. Okay. The light around you expands a bit as you cast the Light spell. For the radius of that, nothing. Whoa. Just an absent void of cavern, no walls. What’s the distance on the Light spell? Not far. Does the floor appear to be like stone or wood or? Yeah, I was just gonna say, I get down on my hands and knees–
20 feet. 20 feet, yeah.
Start feeling for the door. Okay. Yeah, if you want to make an Investigation check to search for the door, the floor appears to be stone, fairly solid, pretty standard. Thank you, thank you, six. Okay. It’s rough in the sense that it looks, it’s not a perfectly polished, flat, marble-like floor. It looks natural somewhat, but it is flat enough to appear to have been worked. Not paved, but like flattened? Yeah. I summon Frumpkin just to my shoulders, like a scarf. Okay. Squish him. Hey Nott, do you feel like, you know, investigating that table and chairs? Carefully, very very carefully. Table seems fine, but the chair. Don’t trust it, not for a minute. All right. I’m going to do a little barrel roll, shimmy on my hands and knees over to the chair and investigate it. Okay. As you move forward, you begin to see, some of the reason you couldn’t see the light sources, since there are actually torch sconces that are placed on the inside of pillars that from where you were standing, were blocking your perspective. So as you get closer, you can see there are light sources on the other end of these pillars that kind of previously weren’t visible from your entry point. You made a Stealth check, you said? No, I’m just shimmying– You’re just shimmying for the hell of shimmying. Yeah, and I’m going to investigate the chair first, followed by the table.
Okay. Well, as you approach.
Oh, oh shit. We shoulda made a Stealth check. You can see now in the space, it appears to be some form of laboratory. Oh. You can see all manner of strange instruments. There are three tables that are outfitted with boxes and strange contraptions, you can see large glass, almost jars filled with all manner of implements and strange objects that might be, kind of, whether they be components or elements of rituals, hard to specifically make out at this distance. You see a collection of old tomes across one of the tables, and in the center of the tables, you see a body. (gasping) Living body or dead body? On the ground laying still. It’s on the ground, the body’s on the ground next to the table? Yeah. I will shimmy over to it and see if I can glean what sort of body it is. Can any of us see it, or is it– If you guys are moving ahead with Nott, then you might be able to, but if you’re keeping a distance and letting Nott go ahead, unstealthily. Yeah, yeah. Caleb is at least moving forward somewhat. Slowly. Yeah.
Same. We do the creep.
Okay. Like the… Okay. And I’m summoning a small mote of fire into my hand and holding it. All right. To add to Caduceus’s light. Okay. As you begin to see the light source of your friends behind you approach slowly and kind of help illuminate the space a bit further as you begin to peer towards this body, its head is faced away from you. You can see the feet and the legs from this direction and arm over and kind of open to one side. It appears to be dressed in long red robes with gold trim. The boots are like a dark brown leather wrapped around the foot a soft sole, seems to be within. You can get closer if you want to make– I’m gonna shimmy over and look at this fellow. Okay. Are you gonna do it stealthily? I’m just shimmying. You motherfuck. What if he’s alive? Yeah, then I’ll find out. (laughing) That’s the whole point of this. Did we take a rest, no we didn’t take a rest before this. We did.
But we did, a long rest. All full up.
Okay. You did, you should be, aside from any spells you cast in the interim, but you guys slept in the Permaheart study, if I recall. (mumbling) Well no, you slept in the golem workshop, that’s where you did. Okay.
Okay And is this laboratory surrounded on all sides by darkness? Like does it seem like it extends beyond? From what you can see, there are four pillars that kind of set the perimeter of this laboratory area that are about 60 feet, 70 feet from each other, corner to corner, and then beyond that, once the light fades, nothing. I pull the wire out while we’re still a ways back and whisper to Nott through it, perhaps you should wait till we surround that area so you’re not alone. Okay. We split, we have to split around. Meanwhile.
Yeah. So I guess I’m holding until they give me some sort of signal to go. Okay.
We flank. Yeah, I’ll tap Beau and head right. I’ll head right. Okay. I guess you’ll go left, then. I guess we’ll go left. I will stay the center position. As we creep to the right, I kinda wanna look towards that blackness. Does it look like this place has walls, or does it just– Make a Perception check. Yeah, and do the pillars extend up to anything? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yow, that was a journey and it fucking paid off. Natural 20. To a total of? 23. 23, okay. Looking into the darkness on all sides, you do not see any sign of walls. You catch a couple things. One, following the pillars upward, you do see that they seem to just faintly thicken before they reach the outside of your visual range, and in between them, atop the ceiling, is a faint red glow. Ever so faint, like you barely wouldn’t even have noticed it if you hadn’t had eyes as keen as yours. Like a universal glow kind of coming? Or like a point, like a dot. Like a point of light. You don’t know how far it is, because once the darkness takes in, you begin to lose any sense of depth, because you don’t have any clear images to gauge that, just this faint dull red glow on the ceiling in the center of these pillars. I just like tap Fjord and point it out. I’ll slightly call it out. There’s a light. Don’t touch anything. Huh. A light where? Over at the (mumbling). Up, it’s, psst. Straight up, straight up. Hey, follow my finger. Do we see anything up there, or? Following– No no no, up, you gotta keep going though. You gotta keep going. Following Beauregard’s point, you, especially you, you two would be able to make out just that faint bit of a glow. Most everyone else for the most part is having a hard time picking out specifically what it is that you’re pointing out. I can pretend that I see it. You can, yeah, if you want to feel like you belong. Like part of the rest of the crew. I do. Any movement, or is it just sitting there? It seems static. Are you coming left with me or did you stay back there with Caleb? Oh, I started moving. I’m moving with you, then. Okay, as you guys are approaching too, and Nott, you notice this, the body is, it’s sitting atop what looks to be a large series of glyphs that are drawn on the floor in almost like, combination of black dust that has been laid in lines and shapes, and a dull kind of reddish-purple tint, heavy powdered chalk, that has been used to write and fill spaces between it, like two sigils are overlapping somewhat. Are they circular, or are they just kind of random? Elements of them appear circular in ways, but because they intersect, it becomes almost like this deranged arcane equation. And am I on them yet? If you want to get closer then– Well, they told me to hold, so I’m holding. Yes, you’re holding. Does the body look placed or like it fell? Taking a look at it, just with your passive perception, you can see the body as you kind of head around the side, you guys were kind of slightly moving on the outsides. Yeah, we were left, they were right. It looks to be a human man in his mid-50s or so, ruddy skin with long black hair, trimmed facial beard, his eyes are a piercing amber color. He doesn’t appear to be decaying, just not moving. Eyes open? Eyes open, looks healthy, just– Doesn’t look like Halas. I looks very very much like the portraits of Halas you’ve seen throughout, yes. And is the chest rising and falling? I would say you would notice that the chest is indeed slowly rising and falling. Oh. Eyes open.
He’s not dead. Okay.
What do we do? (sighs) What if he’s in like a meditative state? I will take out my little wire and, are you in position yet, or am I still holding? You can reply to this message. Who’d you send it to?
We are around you. To Caleb. (chuckling) Hmm, what? I’m keeping a very careful watch on him. We are, so should I go? What can you tell from there? Maybe inspect the table and stuff first. Dead body on some sigils. Not dead. Powerful, frozen, charmed, petrified wizard on the floor, what do you do? Like, I don’t know, sometimes monks will do this thing where they like, go into this, almost like astral projection or something, I don’t know. I want to try to sneak closer so I can see some of what she sees, these sigils she described. Okay. You sneak closer, and you can see these symbols the body is currently laying on top of. Hi. Can make an Arcana check if you’d like to try and– Oh my god, what if when we destroyed the Permaheart, it like, knocked him on his ass? My streak continues, that is a natural one. Projected stage whisper.
Natural one. The nature of the symbols drawn eludes you. They are arcane and ancient, and outside of your realm of specialty. I will cast Mage Hand, and if I’m close enough, I’m going to… Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Poke the body. Okay. As the ghostly hand slowly drifts towards the still body of what appears to be Halas before nudging it, no reaction. Okay. That didn’t work. Do you think it’s dead? Does he have pockets? Caduceus.
Nott. What? Try tickling him. Okay, I will Mage Hand tickle. You watch as this ghostly spectral hand loosely molests the unmoving body of Halas under the arms, on top of the knee, pulls a boot off and goes for the bottom of the foot, behind the knee, sure. Does that thing where they crack an egg on the head. Right, right. Let the yolk run down. No reaction at all. Is that a Christopher Lee character? Eyes unblinking? Eyes unblinking. But breathing. But breathing. Yeah, he’s like– He’s in a trance. Or petrified or–
I search the pockets. Comatose or– Okay, make an Investigation check. We could like, greater restore him or something. 16. 16. Looking through his pockets, and you see now, like on the table around him too, there’s numerous things to look for. In his pockets you find a pouch of gold dust worth about 550 gold total. You wanna write that down? Sure. A collection of chalks and inks, one of which is the piece of chalk that you can see matches the color of the kinda reddish-purple hue drawn across the floor, a pouch of blackened soot that you’re not quite sure what its nature is, but it appears to be what elements of this circle were built from outside of the chalk. That’s all that’s on him at the moment. There’s the tables around. I’m going to move up behind Nott and cast my– Strip this guy naked. Ooh, you know what, actually? You rolled 16 Investigation. About four feet from the corpse, kind of underneath one of the tables off to the side, you see what looks to be a singular beautiful ruby about the size of your palm. Not you guys’ palm, but your palm. Like it’s polished into the smooth sphere with a little bit of golden filigree that appears to be embedded around the top and bottom of it. Okay, I’m gonna make a few trips back and forth with the Mage Hand to get all this stuff. Okay.
Get that ruby. Okay. While he’s doing that, I just kind of fixate on the red light, and see if it moves, track it, just, I’m on that. How far is Nott from that… Within 30 feet. I have walked up behind her and wave my hand through the air and cast Detect Magic. Okay. Looking through Detect Magic, you can see that there, a number of the small little elements on the table and around the tomes and such have like a faint magical essence to them. The ruby that you see drifting towards Nott as she plucks it from the shadow has a fairly strong magical essence to it. And the writing on the floor, does it give off a specific school of magic? Detect Magic, yes, it would be necromantic. Not good.
Yeah. (laughing) Holy shit, we are just on that part of the roller coaster. We’re like, I don’t know. As you pluck the ruby from the Mage Hand and go to place it in your pouch, a voice suddenly fills your mind that goes, you. What do you do? Just her head? Me?
Just you. Nobody else heard anything. Yes? What? You have found your way to my situation. Do not be alarmed. But I think we can help each other, yes? Caleb, are you hearing anything? No, what are you hearing? I’ll be right back with you. Wait. Yes, I’m sure, can you help us out of here? That is possible. That’s very possible. Nott, who are you talking to? Look at me, who are you talking to? Who are you? I’m Halas Lutagran, the Husta Mage of Zeidel, and you are within my private home. Halas Charlemagne, or something. What is he saying? He gave me his name. I can hear him. You can’t? He sounds, are you Zemnian? I am Zeidelian. Oh, he’s not, so he’s Zeidelian. That seems nice. Zeidel, and actually a lot of the basis of the Zemnian language and the culture of the Empire itself stems from, used to be a society known as Zeidel. So that’s instant recognition. Yeah. In real life. Yeah, that’s sort of Zemnian, sort of. Older. Do you want to talk to Caleb? He’s pretty smart about these things. Aye, but of course, whatever you would like to put in front of me. Just, it is imperative that we have a conversation. Whoever of you seems to be the most willful and able to accomplish. Mm-mm, mm-mm. What is he saying, what is he saying? He wants to know which one of us is willful? You need to know which one of us is the smartest, is that right? Is willful?
Oh. Anyone of you that you would see as a leader or person who is able to make decisions. He wants to talk to our leader, I think. Oh. Would we have noticed any of this stuff happening? I grab Nott by the hand and just start slowly pulling back away from this. Where you going, where you going, hey, hey, where you going? I mean, Caleb’s our leader, so– Hey, secrets don’t make friends. I’m not keeping a secret. Could we maybe back it up a little bit? Everybody take 20 paces back. (all talking at once) Back from that. I’m still looking at the red dot. Okay. It’s not moving. Beauregard.
Yeah. That thing is talking to our little friend, and– No, that makes total sense. Wait, which one? Me. Who’s talking? Halas is talking to me. Halas is talking? He is not moving at all! You know, now I know what it’s like for you to talk to the Traveler, it’s like this weird thing, like there’s voices in your head and it’s kind of comforting. What did you grab? It’s not in my head, he is talking to me on the outside of my head.
Huh? What did you grab? I grabbed a sack of gold, some chalk, some blackened soot, and this ruby that I’m still holding. Ooh. Just listen to me–
It’s really shiny. The circle in there is death. Can I see it?
Jester! I’m holding it with my Mage Hand right now, just in case it, you know, kills us or something. Oh, okay. Will you hold it up a little bit, kind of up into the light? So you moved from grabbing it to moving it with your Mage Hand? Oh, maybe I had– So the moment you went to retrieve it from the Mage Hand, so you’re holding it in your hand. Yes. It’s right here.
Can I see it? Sure, sure, here. Is it talking to you now?
It’s really shiny. You look closely into it.
Is what talking to me? Jester. You look closely into the ruby, and you can see this like swirling mist of kind of gray that leads to purple to red, and back. Jester, put it down, no! And a faint glimmer of two golden amber eyes that peer back at you, and a voice goes, are you the one who would be considered the leader of whatever this incursion might be? The leader of– See, now she’s talking to it. All of the world, you mean? Here, I’ll snatch it back. Nott the Brave, please put it on the ground. Okay. Please do not touch it, anyone. Okay, but it sounded kind of okay, it didn’t seem really– What was it asking of you? It asked me if I was the leader, and I was about to say, you know, yeah, totally. Caleb, what’s your hesitation? This, him, has made clones, other bodies for himself. He wants to live forever. He wants to live on. I don’t know what that is, I don’t know what that’s plans are. That is dangerous to touch. I go and sit by it and pull out my book and I start to go through the steps of Identify. Did it feel like it was like, drawing us to it when it was talking to us? Or did it feel just like a dude talking? It felt like, similar to when someone messages you back, it was just a voice in your mind. Okay. I have a theory. What is it? Is the ruby thing glowing? Is it glowing a little? It has eyes, Beau. From where it’s sitting there, it just looks like a ruby, just a stone. There were eyeballs looking out at me. Wow. Oh, you saw eyeballs? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw two glowing ember-looking eyeballs looking at me. I’m gonna walk over– Do you think he’s trapped in there? Do you wanna try, Beau? Wanna talk to him? Maybe his little soul got trapped in there and it’s not in his body anymore. Yeah. What if his soul jumps out of the stone into whoever’s touching it? Yeah, can I have nine more minutes, please? Yeah. And I’m not looking into it directly, I’m looking at it in peripheral. It seems like we’re, hello? Can I yell and see if there’s an echo? Yep. Hello, hello, hello. It echoes. Anybody see a wall? Fjord, come here with me real quick. I wanna walk over to under the red light, I wanna get closer to it. Oh yeah, that right light there. Yeah, you see it?
Yeah, totally, yeah. Do I see any others?
Make a Perception check. Around the room like it, not necessarily there. He doesn’t see it. There are no lights! 14. 14. You focus and move a little bit, and you focus and move a little bit, and I mean, once you step out from directly underneath it, it’s hard to find it once more on the ceiling, and only because you’ve already seen it once, you can just barely see that faint bit of that hue. Once again, the shape, the source, is too far and too lost in mostly shadow for you to make it out, but no other sources. Only ’cause this place is like a nightmare, I just want to sort of see if we can find a boundary, and I’ll send an Eldritch Blast just in one direction. All right. I wouldn’t– You see the dull green light before it fizzles out. It reaches the extent of its distance before vanishing. Nothing for at least 120 feet. Yeah, let’s try and not cast as much as possible. ‘Cause these pillars, they get fatter up at the top, like there’s an archway or something. It feels like it’s gotta have a ceiling. I got an idea. Yeah? You have a ball bearing? Oh. (laughing) Oh yeah. All right, here, give me a ball bearing. I hand him my bag of balls. I cast Light on a single ball bearing. Okay. And I toss it up in the air.
First one’s free. Roll a Strength check. This’ll be funny. Hey! 18. 18, okay. (whooshes) You watch as it goes up, and as the light arcs up, you watch as the pillars turn into kind of a rough archway, and then you see a roof. Similar texture as the floor beneath you. Did it get anywhere near the red dot, or no? You’re throwing it up there. Do you wanna try and throw again at the red dot? (babbling) I catch it as it comes back down. That’s still lit, so it’s all yours. Toss it up, toss it up. Okay, roll a Dexterity check now, since you’re aiming it. Roughly how high is this? Just a straight Dex check?
Yep. 15. That’s fine. I goes up, and as it reaches the portion where that red glow was, you can see now the ceiling there has what looks to be about a 10-foot diameter kind of glyph or series of symbols in like a circular pattern that is giving off this reddish glow. And are those directly above the glyphs on the ground? It would be, yes. And is the table in that glyph area, or just– The tables and books and everything are around it. There’s just like a rough bit of materials from this laboratory, and– But his body is definitely in like the circle underneath those glyphs. It’s in it, but it’s not perfectly in the center, it’s kind of in it and off. Like looking at it like it may have fallen. Over.
Body fell. How weird. So, and I can see more of these red runes. Hmm? Experimenting and he accidentally trapped his stuff. He was stabbed to death with an icicle– Kind of all around it. You do a few more tosses, nope, just that one. Just that one. There’s a red ring there. A circle. We don’t have any pieces of the heart, right? It all turned to like goo and shit? Nott and I look at the books on the table. We’re gonna check out the table. Okay. You open the books. All of them are in a language you don’t understand. Okay, okay. So neither of you know Zemnian, correct? I’ve picked up a few words. A few words, you recognize it as Zemnian. Okay. But there are all manner of, you do recognize certain arcane signatures and glyphs and symbols from spellcraft from what you’ve seen in Caleb’s book. There’s what looks to be some sort of a spellbook or something that contains a lot of spell notes. Other things that are research elements that have a lot of sketches. You can see small devices, you can see one page that has a sketch that looks just like the ruby you found. (gasps) Oh my god, I draw–
How many books are there? Four.
I draw a dick on the ruby. (laughing) You said four?
Yes. Jester wrestles it from you and hastily sketches a tiny penis across the ruby drawing. Now it’s a happy ruby. I will take the four books– Now it’s a rupee. And run back to Caleb. Lebby, Lebby! That’s my new nickname for you. Lebby! (laughing) Lebby, I’m trying it out, see if it sticks. Let him finish. How many more minutes you got? ‘Cause these are amazing. Just a minute, please, please, please. Okay, one minute. All right, you cast Identify. This is a ruby, but it is designed as a reliquary. Meant to be, you know, either something that is used for a focus of worship or a focus of ritual, or a focus of any sort of other attentive focal point that is required. It is very beautifully made, it looks like it’s been, aside from the spill it took on the ground maybe being dropped or tossed away from the body, looks impeccable. Yeah, I throw a rag over it. Okay. Do you one of you clerics have the ability to judge like the normal health of a body that’s eyes open and breathing but not responding? I can do a Medicine check on him. I mean, I can check his health. I’ll help with that. Can you see if he was diseased or? You probably have to get right up next to him. Poisoned over time. I’ll stay outside of the sigils, but I’ll just kind of get a look at his body. If I can.
Okay. Go ahead and make a Medicine check. With assist. All right. The two of you–
Guide me. Guidance. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Maybe we should just throw something in there and see if it, you know, catches on fire or something. Nice.
Nice. 23. 23. Body appears to be healthy. He seems healthy. Why don’t we go, can we send in Willy to drag the body out of the sigil area so we can look at it? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, it’s Willy, it’s not us. He’s still standing back where we– Yeah, what if he leaves that circle and all of a sudden is like, awake? What if breaking that sigil sets something off? What if the body changes while it’s out there? What if it kills him, what if it doesn’t? There is a– So many pessimists in this room. Fairly decent chance that this on the ground is the jar. Is the jah? What’s a jah? The jar? Oh, the jar. Not like the actual jars, but like a ruby, like it’s a symbolic jar. A jar of what? Of Halas. Ew. Ew, gross.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So, this has two eyes in it, this is maybe talking to us, please nobody touch this. Well what if he’s been in here for a long time? But can I just touch it and see if he’s been in there for a long time? I would really prefer that you don’t not. Just one little pinky touch. What if he’s suffering in a little ruby prison? I don’t want you suffering in a little ruby prison. That’s a good point. But currently we have no way out of here. We see a red light above us– We have sudden access to the best amount of information about this place we could hope for. Yeah, yeah, maybe we do, but maybe the first thing we do is not touch it. And you said that the runes line up with the runes underneath? The appear to be directly above, yes. And you said that it looked like the ruby thing was like, tossed to the side. Or maybe he dropped it or threw it. It had been dropped or it tumbled away where it would have been found beneath one of the tables in shadow. He accidentally put his soul in this ruby and then he fell over and the ruby fell away from him. He did step one, he didn’t know what step two was. Let the wizard read the Zemnian books. I’m going to scoop down Frumpkin and place him in front of this gem, tell him to meow if anything problematic happens. (sneezes) And then I will go over to the books and start perusing them.
Okay. Here, I brought them to you. Oh, you brought them over, okay. I move 10 feet away from the ruby and start looking through them. They’re spellbooks, Lebby, they’re spellbooks. It’s gonna stick. Terrible. And look, there’s all sorts of stuff. Maybe there’s some new spells that you could learn. Kinda like him more now. I know, right? It is kind of better. (laughing) Can we just call you Lebby? What are the books? All right, so, go ahead and just roll an Investigation check for me, standard Investigation check. So good at rolling these days. That’s better, 22. 22. A number of the books are ancient ritual tomes and spells dealing with manipulation of the soul. Kind of in line with some of the previous notes you’ve seen as research in the Permaheart study. Including the elaborate magical equations for some powerful spells. One of them is a partial notebook and a partial spellbook, and within it are the spells Magic Jar, Trap the Soul, and Clone. Holy fucking shit.
Oh my gosh. What does it say? Among them are numerous scraps of various spells in mid-design. (gasps) Oh my god. Partially constructed, unfinished magical equations, mostly escaping your understanding in their broken half-formed state. However, because you rolled a high enough Investigation, one of them catches your attention. One of the partially developed spells is tied to Halas’s work seeking to alter his own body permanently instead of relying on the failing clones. This looks to be one of the last things he was working on before he fell into the state you see him in now. Do you tell us all this? The transmutive theories and advanced arcane mechanics within this partially-designed spell are incredible, and connect some dots about reforming a living body to become a different type of similar body indefinitely. (Laura murmuring) Oh my god. (imitating sirens) (laughing) Do you tell us this? He is tinkering with some crazy things here. He’s trying to alter himself, make him other than himself. Sounds interesting. I mean, we kind of knew that though. And it also sounds like something a lot of us have actually done, like what do you mean– Yeah, like Disguise Self. No no no no no no no, more, more, locking it in. Not tricks. Transformation. Total. Like true, like Polymorph? Did he succeed? It’s not finished. Well what’s with the ruby, then? Yeah, what is the ruby? Fuck the ruby, how close is he in that spell? Where is the book? You said there was a– That spell, that spell, how close is it to being done. I don’t, I need time with it, Nott. As you glance through the spells that you found from the books, the Magic Jar spell specifically asks for some sort of a focus or device. As you read through the incantation itself, it enables individuals who touch, and confirm specifically here, but to “touch and/or within a certain distance “of the gem.” Ooh. Distance.
Distance? I’m gonna double-check this, ’cause I don’t have much memory here. I don’t want the internet to yell at me for getting it wrong. You’re 10 feet off! I know. That’s how it works. That’s how the internet sounds. (laughing) Hi! (laughing) It’s Mickey Mouse? Yeah, it allows the spirit of whatever figure has transferred itself into this focus, this reliquary, to possess another person within 100 feet of it. Everybody get away from this thing! (laughing) Oh boy!
How far, what do you mean? I pick up the book and say move away, even further away from that rag. How far away? Very far, into the dark, move. All right. You all back out, if you’re following Caleb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you back out into the shadow. Aside from the lights that you currently carry to keep the vicinity itself somewhat visible, you take a few breaths at a distance. Why did we back away? Like a disgruntled librarian holding books and one hand is on fire, because that gem, if you are close to it, he could overtake you. How long does that, well, why is he not– Close to it, we don’t even have to touch it? (laughing) Weird question, then why hasn’t he jumped back into his own body yet? Why didn’t he possess us, then? I don’t know. Maybe he did possess one of us. Maybe one of us is secretly Halas now. Quick, ask me a question that only I would know the answer to. What does Caleb smell like when he hasn’t bathed– ♪ He’s stinky ♪ Specifically though, like what’s the smell? Eggs, a little bit of like, sort of like taint smell, you know? (laughing) Another element of the spell as well, it wasn’t pertinent initially as you were going through, but it is in hindsight. The individual would be able to place their soul back into their body, as long as it’s also within 100 feet. Say that again? He could jump back to his own body. But hasn’t.
He hasn’t. He kept asking which one of us was the leader. Maybe he was trying to size out who was the most powerful. That is what he was trying to do. Is something inherently wrong with his body, though? Something he doesn’t like. Maybe it’s a bad clone. Maybe–
Maybe he’s aging. Maybe he can’t leave because it’s him. Maybe. I pull out a bit of, lose the flame, pull out some cat mint, and a spectral Frumpkin appears in the air and a giant claw, and it rushes out to the body in the center and grabs it by the foot and drags it away from that gem. You watch as the large mitt of this spectral, exaggerated cat claw grab and ragdoll this body of Halas in the opposite direction of where you are until it disappears into shadow beyond your visual range. All right. I’m assuming you just removed an option for him, it? Smart. If he’d wanted that option, though, he would’ve taken it. Yeah, it was only a few feet away from him. True, but better to be safe. Maybe he has sort of a mode of meditation or rest. All right. The sigil, we’re too far away, we can’t see the sigil. The other thing we haven’t looked at are those glyphs. One of you can go up there, right? Can’t you just run up a column? Yeah. But that puts you closer to the gem. Yeah. Well, you still have that cat claw thing, right? Can you get the gem further away? I have about 20 seconds left, do you want me to– You have Mage Hand, go do it. 20 seconds? It lasts a minute, I mean, we didn’t really say how long. Yeah, drag it off in another direction. Yeah, just get it a little bit further. Make the claw come out from the darkness towards the gem, and I will take it in a different direction, 90 degrees. Make sure you remember where you left it. Yeah, he is straight out and the gem is going to my direct right. He’s good at remembering stupid things like that. (chuckling) That is correct. Is there a pillar nearby that looks scalable? Like I could do some dope monk shit up it? You can certainly try. The pillars themselves are mostly smooth, they look like, similar to the floor and the ceiling around here, hewn to be somewhat straight, though they themselves are somewhat rough on the surface, so there aren’t outcroppings, there aren’t platforms, there aren’t things on it that you could hold onto, you would have to either have to physically shimmy up like a palm tree, or be creative elsewhere, because it is a challenge to get up there. You can have some fabric. I was gonna say, I’m gonna untie my belt from around my belt, my Cobalt Soul belt, and throw it around the pole to give me– Like Mulan. Like Mulan!
Yeah. The pillar itself is probably about, it’s about five foot wide, so diameter is probably pretty long, but you can gather through your outfit and material from your previous outfit as well and things you can fashion a piece of material that would wrap around, and you can attempt to make your way to the front. Wait just in case, and I hold the little pearl up to my forehead and summon geometric designs in the air, and I cast Fortune’s Favor on you. All right. Go ahead and make–
I get a reroll? Yeah. You’re attempting to shimmy up the pole? Go ahead and make an Athletics check for me. I touch her shoulder as she’s about to go up and– Don’t waste any spells. No, just the Traveler and I both believe in you, okay? Thank you Jester.
You’re welcome. And I just give Guidance.
Thank you. (laughing) A pat on the shoulder and some real shit. (laughing) That’s a d4 on checks, right? D4 for a minute. That was going to be Guidance, thank you very much. I was in the process of expelling magic from my hand, Caduceus. Oh, I–
now it’s just wasted magic. I thought it was just friendship. (laughing) That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Have a spell. (laughing) All right.
Okay, Athletics? Athletics. All right. Ooh. I will use that Fortune’s Favor immediately. That’s better. That’s not bad either. 23. That’s great. Okay. It takes you a bit of time, and it is physically strenuous. You feel the sweat starting to form on your brow even just a quarter up this pillar, and you’re having to stop and take a break every now and then just kinda pulling taut, catch your breath, and then continue up again. Just (grunting) pull, swing up, pull, and just making your way up, you guys are watching– Stop whenever I get the shakes. Yeah. You are able to see in the darkness, so you do not need the specific, any sort of radial light as you approach, but you do manage to get towards the very top before it begins to widen, and as it begins to widen, it becomes more and more difficult to climb until eventually you can’t go any higher, but you are about I’d say 10, 15 feet beneath the roof. You’re about 85 feet up. Is there any lips, any like, edges? Make a Perception check. Kind of holding.
Your burning forearms. (panting) (laughing) Perception, is that what you said? Yep. (groaning) Fuck you. Boo. It was on it twice before it fell off. 20, two, 20, two.
Five. You are losing strength and you see, in no way, shape, or form, a handhold or any place to grab onto. (sighs) Okay. Your arms are starting to give, you’re shaking. I’m just gonna stand underneath her just in case she falls. Okay. I’m going to, just look up, and can I start calling out glyph shapes? Is that weird? What do I see? What do I see! You see a 10-foot diameter red circle that is drawn on the ceiling with a series of other lines and symbols within it, many connecting. Chalk? Yeah, is it chalk or is it carved? You don’t see a material, you just see the glow. Chalk, does it look rough and quick, or does it look– It looks intentionally placed, and it looks deliberate and permanent. How the fuck did he get up here? I, with my remaining strength– It’s probably permanent. I take out a ball bearing. Tink, right in the center of it. Throw it up, hit the rune, hit it. It hits the center of the runes. Nothing flashes, no glow, it just hits, and then continues to fall, and eventually you hear ting, ting, ting, ting ting ting ting, and you guys hear the– Watch where you’re dropping those things! You know we’re gonna have to dispel that thing, right? If only we had a rock that just dispelled shit– Why would we have to dispel it? What’d you say, Davy Crockett? (laughing) Any other discerning factors I can get from it? Roll an Arcana check. Roll an Arcana check. If you’re trying to glean– Do I still have Guidance? No.
Nope. (sighs) Okay. 17. 17. Only because you’ve been around Caleb for quite some time and the base studies you have, you have no idea what this glyph does, what its purpose is, but you make up enough of the symbols to gather it’s probably something conjuration-based. That’s as much as you can make out. Oh. Okay, I’m gonna kind of just grab the fabric and position my feet and kinda start sliding down the pole. It is a great relief as you begin to make your way below. Still itself a physically tense activity to do so safely, until you get within a certain distance that you feel comfortable, 40 or so feet for a monk. You can just drop, I got you, I got you. Just move your feet, don’t hit me in the face. Just drop. I jump off the pole and then just use her hands like little stepping stones, go (clicking) onto the floor. That’s pretty cool, not what I had in mind, but I liked it. Thanks for the hand. (chuckling) Well, from kinda sneaking into your spellbooks and reading them when I’ve been bored. Excuse me? I kind of think that glyph looks like the ones when you like, conjure shit. Like what? What do you mean? Like my cat? Yeah. Like your cat. Or like your cat’s claw. Or like any time that like, you draw something and like something comes out of it. It looked– Beau Beau, is it the exact same as the glyph on the floor? It is very different. No. This looked– This is necromantic don’t here on the floor. This is death. And that’s conjuration. Conjuration. Oh, so they’re gonna conjure something dead. That seems like a waste. Do you think that glyph is making this space exist? I mean, we flew into the mouth of a giant thing. Yeah, but we’re obviously in a different place now, you know, like we’re not inside of that thing anymore, we’re in another plane. I’m gonna start looking around for any sign of where an exit to this room might be. Something like that, yeah.
Okay. So you begin to just pick a direction and start walking? I’m not gonna walk, but I’m like, looking to see if there’s anything around that feels like a path, or if it’s just the straight beeline, if it’s just the beeline to this– Taliesin, when you moved your arms, it was so fast it was a blur. (laughing) I do a quick run around the whole place in one second. (laughing) Where’d our clothes go? (laughing) Okay. So make a Perception check with disadvantage. That’s fair. Because it is mostly dark at the distance you’re searching.
Yeah, I’m not going alone. Oh, I meant to do that. Oh, that’s terrible. That’s 17. 17. You walk on for the better part of a minute or so in one direction, and the darkness continues, do you press on? No, I’m not going deep, I’m just kinda doing a little– You move about like, three or 400 feet away from them, like carefully stepping, and there’s still darkness ahead of you. Okay, I come back. You come back from there? Okay. Three or 400 feet away. Shit. It could be a way for him to get out of here, or possibly to summon forms. Yeah, because why you put a teleportation circle on the ceiling? Well, if he can fly, what difference does it make? Or if he can reverse gravity or something, then he all of a sudden, like what if he has like a whole other laboratory like up there? Did I see another laboratory on the ceiling? You did not, from where you were at the moment, no. Conjuration covers a number of things. Teleportation is one of them, he could be also summoning forms, perhaps to inhabit. Hmm. We have the books, right? Yeah. We didn’t come out of that. Where did we come from? From a door, which disappeared, and we have no way out of here now, and we’re going to be stuck here forever. We have two options. Dispel or destroy the glyph, touch the stone. Or step into the glyph. I pulled the gem far away from his little laboratory. I would like to go back to the laboratory and search it for anything. ‘Cause I didn’t go into the middle of it. Make an Investigation check. I’ll come and assist, because I’ve already been over there, I’ll point stuff out. Sure. Natural 20. All right.
Fuckin’ A. Stay as a group. You find a small box that contains 100 gold worth of powdered silver. Ooh. You find 1200 gold worth of rare incense. Rare incense? You can see now, they’re like small braziers that are around kinda this ritual circle where you can see ash where this incense was previously burned as part of whatever the last ritual was. You also find, on one of the tables, what looks to be, what was once eight, there’s now like four missing gaps, but there are four pearls that are worth 100 gold each. This is all spell component shit. All very serious spell components. And that’s the extent of what’s there. What were the numbers on the powdered silver and the rare incense? The powdered silver was 100 gold. 100. Incense was 1200 gold worth of rare incense. Understood. If we do wake him up so that we can get out of here, we are going to be in a lot of trouble for stealing all of his stuff in here. I think perhaps he’s probably all right with it, especially if it gets him out. Should we throw Caleb’s cat at the circle? In case it is a teleportation and activates with touch? Up above? Yeah. Or down below. And we’d ensure that no common person could activate it if it’s fucking on the ceiling. I tried throwing a ball bearing at it. Oh, right. That’s not a person.
That’s not a person, right? Neither is a cat. Cat’s closer to a person.
You make a very good point. I mean, I could go up there, and– What if you teleport away and then we don’t even know where you are? Well, we could try Frumpkin, but normally, when I use circles to travel for us– You have to activate it. And I have to activate it, it takes time and it has to be on the same plane of existence. And I don’t know where we are. Does it look like any other teleportation circles we’ve used, where it’s just constant? It’s far more intricate than any you’ve seen Caleb make. But did it feel like a teleportation circle? You wouldn’t have the experience to know. Caleb, get up there and look at it. You just knew, because you rolled so high, you caught an essence of, it was a conjuration school enchantment. Do you wanna go up there, Caleb? Well, I can get myself there, but I don’t know that I will have the intuition. I can get you there. Or if you can get Frumpkin there, then that’s another way to take a look at it. DM, the three spells were Soul Jar, Clone, and– Magic Jar, Trap the Soul, and Clone. I could Polymorph. Trap the Soul. No, I got him. Sorry, Beau. Yeah? I touch Caleb and give him Spider Climb. The fuck? (laughs) We don’t know what those do, though. You have no idea. (laughing) That is a new trick. And I start to climb up the column. Okay.
How are your forearms? If we get fuckin’ left in here, I’ll be so pissed! Like a hobo Spiderman, Caleb– I’m clean now.
I know, but the long coat. But I’m fancy purple robes now. I got a pretty jacket. Like a well-dressed hobo Spiderman. Yeah.
Yeah. Clean shaven.
Yeah. Caleb, don’t forget the promise we all made that we wouldn’t leave without anybody else and– I don’t want to leave by myself. Hold your arms out in case I fall. You won’t, you can’t.
I’ve got you. Oh, it’s orange. You climb up there, and as you’re heading your way up there, the darkness begins to take, you don’t have any means of light. Oh, well, I put the, for now the Dancing Lights around me. Globules.
Okay. Kinda lights the space, and as you begin to climb up, you can begin to see the red glow that they kept talking about that you couldn’t quite make out with your eyes previously. And the closer you get, the closer you get, you can see now the diameter that is set there. The size of it resembles the teleportation circles that you’ve, as far as like it’s similar to its size, but it’s very different in its construction, much more intricate, the details in it are almost fractal, in some ways. Make an Arcana check.
Whoa. Okay, I was gonna say does it look like it indicates more than a single plane. I cast Fortune’s Favor on myself. Uh-huh.
You can do it again. Okay.
That is a good call. Don’t fuck this shit up. Oh, uh-huh. (sighs) Two terrible rolls. Arcana, 14.
14. Four and a two.
(sighs) You have no idea what this does. You can read that it’s conjuration based, and there are elements of it that are like, kind of familiar, but it’s far more advanced than anything that you’ve encountered, especially of this type of permanent-based ritual sigil. Yeah, you’re not able to make out anything else about it. So I climb a little bit higher, and I’m hanging from the ceiling like this, and I go (snaps fingers), and Frumpkin is right here. Mm-hmm. And I lift him by the scruff, and I reach up and say, touch it, please. Just, you dab your cat onto the circle. He is going to do that, I’m just holding him. Gently wipe your cat against the ceiling. Like what are you doing? Okay, you’re just holding? What are you doing? I want him to do this, that’s what I told him to do. Self checkout at Target. To touch it.
Okay. Yeah. I don’t expect much, but I’m going to try everything. Okay. Frumpkin reaches up and kind of like, trepidatiously reaches a paw to the center of the circle. You watch as a bunch of the lines across it begin to glow and connect. All of them begin to kind of gather together, and then Frumpkin kind of begins to float for a second, and then is scattered to atoms. Pick you up around the bend, buddy. Scattered to atoms? Yeah, what do you mean? Like violently or disappears? Like Mike TV? (laughing) Yeah.
Sure. Frumpkin just vanishes, and in the place where it was, kinda the fey essence itself is just a slight cloud of kind of sparkle dust that just dissipates. I know what that is. Down below, everyone hears, so, this circle does not like cats. (laughing) Oh. What do you mean you know what that was? You were saying? Did we see any of this, did we not see any of this? You see the brief flash on the ceiling above as you’re kind of watching Caleb go up to the top. But yeah, Frumpkin’s gone. Haven’t seen it yet.
Okay, understood. You can see almost everything. If I saw a cat go poof then I know what this is. You did. I take 30 seconds to memorize what I’m looking at and then I start to climb back down. It’s a trash can. What do you mean? Oh my god. I don’t get the reference. If something’s not working here, you can just get rid of it. Pop it up. If your necromancy spell–
Goes wrong. Fails, you just, like Nott said, you reverse that gravity and– That was me, I said that. I didn’t say it.
Oh, Jester. I don’t know what that is.
It’s okay. It was one of the detectives. Okay, so it’s a meat grinder. Maybe. A garbage disposal?
Makes sense. If you’re experimenting in a room like this, you probably want a way of getting rid of something quick. All right. And you didn’t find anything at the laboratory? I just found some of the things that he was working with, some of his components. Does it look like the columns keep going past the circle in the other direction? From where you walked, the distance you made, there were no more columns. So this is the end of the columns, it just stops here and there’s nothing more other than just like– For as far as you walked, yeah, it just seemed to be– I’m gonna walk around the perimeter of this thing to see if the columns start again on the other side or not. Are you going further? We’re over at the little testing facility with the table and the–
Correct. So I wanna walk just around the perimeter of that, not in the darkness, but to see, ’cause there’s columns on the outside, right? That we’ve seen.
Correct. I wanna see if they mirror on the other side. Okay. Yeah, there are four columns that all kind of encircle this central space. So they do mirror each other in this so they kind of– But there’s no columns, I was thinking, there’s columns leading up to it, or no? There’s just the four columns.
No. Okay. From where you guys were previously, and from where you walked, you saw no other columns. Okay. Yeah, it’s just these four. You can keep walking if you want to search for columns elsewhere in the chamber, that’s up to you. I would say simultaneously, to make the most of the spell that Nott has gifted me with, I’m going to walk up the column again and start exploring the ceiling around, and see if there was anything else that we missed.
Okay. And going very carefully, so I don’t step on an atomizer. Okay. Make a Perception check as you go around. Should I do that thing where I see invisible stuff? Perception you said? Mm-hmm.
12. 12? All right, you spend–
13. A few minutes, how long is Spider Climb? An hour, yeah. A number of minutes slowly making around and kind of spiraling outward to kind of make a good scan of the vicinity on the roof. Globules are just hovering. It continues to be just continuation of that stone. And once you’re outside of those pillars once more, it is just ceiling, featureless beyond just a continuation of rock. All right, so while he’s doing that, I turn to Jester and I say, listen. Hmm? This is essentially a crime scene. I mean, yeah. So what happened here? Why don’t we reverse engineer this. Halas is in here, he wants to transfer his soul to another body, so he puts it in the ruby, he falls down. Why would he put it in the ruby before he had another body to put it into? Maybe he had one, and he was ready to do the thing, the transfer, and something went wrong, the body rejected it or fought him, or was flushed up the toilet. It’s true. Or maybe it wasn’t a good fit. Can we all hear this?
Yeah, of course. Maybe more people keep coming down here through the hole, and he keeps trying them out, he keeps possessing them with the ruby into– Maybe he was waiting for Yussa. Waiting for Yussa? Or waiting for someone worthy? Who knows how long he’s been waiting? It might not have been that long to him. Or maybe, maybe he can’t, he’s missing something, he’s missing something he can’t get, he didn’t possess any of us, he had the opportunity. Maybe he can’t do it right now, he needs something. Maybe we should look at the ruby and find out. Talk to him? Yeah. Maybe we can flip it over, maybe there’s a rune on the back or something, it was scratched or something, and now he can’t use it. I’ve got an idea.
What? Have to look at the body. We can do that. Yeah, we can go look at the body. But maybe the ruby was a failsafe. Shlop, shlop, shlop, shlop. You mean, he tried to send the soul somewhere else, it didn’t work, and it went there instead? We killed the heart and a bunch of stuff died. Oh. Maybe this just happened. Maybe it just went in there when we killed the heart. And if you were that obsessed with not dying, maybe you have an emergency ruby. Yeah, made himself a horcrux. So that the next person who wanders by can get you back into something comfortable. And you would be able to glean that from looking at the body? Well, if the heart’s all messed up. Oh, inside the body.
Yeah. Well, let’s go look. But he’s alive, you can’t cut open– Can I take out the sword and have it glow, I’ll use the word (mumbling), and can I cast See Invisibility. I’ll raise the sword above my head, and my eyes sort of flash. Okay. You glance around the space directly around you. The sigil on the floor, the intensity’s a little brighter. Almost like putting on, you know, certain shades that brighten colors a bit. You can see the glyph on the ceiling itself is a little more visible now. But nothing invisible catches your attention. Let’s go inspect the body, Mr. Caducey. Let’s as a group. All right. We got the light up, gonna head to the body really quickly. Okay, we all walk to the body. Okay. You guys go up– Would you like me to put the bubble up, so we can talk to this gem from within it? Can we do that? We can. Sound goes through. But you have to be touching the ruby for him to be able to talk to you. Is that the case? That’s what it seemed like. That’s what it worked like with us. What if I cast Zone of Truth, and then I hold the ruby, and I’ll know if he’s lying to me. Does that work on gems? I don’t know if you can tell if a ruby is lying. It works on creatures, and a soul is a creature, right? So maybe it will work. Maybe. I mean, we gotta touch that stone. Caleb, do you have any magic that blocks possession or transference of souls? You’re very smart. Counterspell, but I don’t know if it’s like that. The hell does Counterspell do? That just shuts down a spell. Well does he also, does he take over your body, or do you like, do you share a consciousness, or do you– What does the spell say, Caleb? I Jester’s Zone of Truth idea, personally. Then again, I like most things that you do. Thank you. What does Zone of Truth say? Well, it creates like a little area where you kind of, people that are in it can only tell the truth. And you remember, I, oh, that wasn’t with you, Caduceus. Objectively, two people have touched– Objection.
Yes, have touched the stone, and he did not seem to overtake either of them or any of us, we were all within 100 feet. Maybe he’s not interested in me or Nott. Why would he be– Could’ve done it at any time. Not interested in us? But maybe we can use that to our advantage. His poor taste in people, we can still talk to him and he won’t possess us, we know that’s the case. Maybe I’ll just talk up somebody else and that way he won’t want to use me. Here’s what I’m worried about, that if he does possess one of us, that that person is lost for the foreseeable future, possessed by possibly one of the most powerful mortals in history. So, and it looks like we are running out of options here, but if we do this, I think we combine our plans and throw up the dome, and all of us but one sits just outside. I think it should be me. I do too. Why? You are all magic users. Ah, that’s right, and you pop-pop. If I was a powerful sorcerer, I would want to ensure that I still had magic capabilities going forward. We have no idea if the dome would actually interrupt an area spell of 100 feet, right? It would interrupt a spell of that nature. If he were to come back into his full power, he might very easily be able to pull it down, but– Can you tell me this, because I don’t know things– But I want lines of defense. Do we know that he’s a sorcerer or a wizard? He’s a mage, yeah. Mage, but I mean is his magic learned? Yeah, it seems like it, he’s got spellbooks. Look at this book. Then he could still use your body to cast magic. And you’re pretty willful. He kept asking for somebody willful. Jester, you’re also very willful. No I’m not, I’m very docile. (laughing) I think Beau’s got the right idea. This place is called The Mage’s Bane for a reason. That is true. I think Beau has the right idea as well. Can I still cast Zone of Truth? Sure.
Yeah. You’ll have to be outside the dome. Will I? It’s not concentration. I think you could cast it with the rest of us. Well, we are over here at the body, do you wanna look at the body? It’ll also mean that we can’t lie. Yeah.
Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Well wait, let me get the dome. Okay, while he’s getting the dome up I’m gonna look at the body.
Yeah, same. Okay. Any incisions, cuts? Are you going to get the dome up next to the ruby? I wonder if it is better to do it away from his circle in the middle, or– I think we do it away and you go pick up the ruby and bring it here. I think so, I think we get away, in case he draws any sort of power from the center. Shit. Any cuts, scars, scabs? You’ll be fine. (laughing) You glance around throughout the body, start going through his robes and everything, doesn’t appear to be anything, interestingly enough, for his age, no scars. Hmm. How’s the chest? I wanna like, open the shirt and take a look at the chest. The chest appears to be intact. Is the heart beating?
How are the abs? (laughing) Does he wax? Manscape? He does wax, yeah, it’s pretty smooth. Is the heart beating? Pretty polished, the heart is beating. I Detect Undead. No undead aura. Ooh. How old does he appear to be? And is he a human? You said 50s? Mid 50s or so. Do we have manacles? We do. We do. We should chain him up. Yeah, try using them. I’ll pull some of the manacles out– Aren’t they like magical manacles? We have the magical manacles. I don’t know a response for that. I don’t know where the card is, but I know that we have it. It’s the ones from Lorenzo’s– They used it on us when they kept us from doing spells. All right.
Yeah, try that. We’ll slap those on his– It was awful. Yeah. I’m so sorry. Are you all right now? Okay, so you place the manacles upon the body of Halas. You prepare the dome. You said you’re doing? Yes, although before I do, I just– Yeah? Sorry, indigestion, nervous. What’s up? Be careful. Yeah. Yeah, no, talking to a super genius ancient powerful mage, I’ll be great. Beau.
Yeah? You’ll be great. Okay. You’re super, super strong. What is she trying to find out, before we do this? I’m doming it. How to get out of here. What do you want, how to get out of here. All right. And Beau is going to be outside the dome? Yep. (laughing) Are you sure that one of the people who can do Counterspell shouldn’t be right next to her? We can step out of the dome and do it. Whenever. She’s gonna be right next to the dome. We’ll be just like on the other side of the glass. Fjord can literally stand half in and half out. Okay. Yeah, right down the middle. (laughing) How are you doing? (gravelly mumbling) (laughing) It’s pretty great. All right, the dome is completed, you all step inside except for Beauregard. Oh, I keep outside of it too, because I have to cast Zone of Truth. Okay. And I’ll give you one last Guidance for the roll. I really stand half in and half out, in the spirit of tonight. Legs out though right? Yeah, totally. Yeah, just the lower half. Actually, different, I’m gonna give you Resistance. Just doing the downward dog. (laughing) I’m gonna give you Resistance instead. Me? Resistance to? You get a d4 to a saving throw. Yeah. That’s good.
Guess that makes sense. Okay. I’ll Mage Hand and drag the ruby over. Okay. The ruby is lifted up and then brought over by the hand, the cloth you had thrown over it, Caleb, is still kind of draped over it. I’m gonna cast Zone of Truth over the ruby. Okay. And then I’m gonna step into the thing. I dunno if it has to make a Charisma save. It does.
What it’s all about. I haven’t been this in-game nervous in a long time. No problem. The dome is almost completely invisible this time. There is just the barest pale blue so that we see where the border is. You got it.
But we can see everything. For magic users, so it probably wants you. Okay. We can put her down pretty easily if we have to. Yeah. You guys know. Gonna roll with my robot hand. Ooh. Gotta make sound.
What’d you roll? Okay. Mm-mm. What’s your spell DC? It’s 17, I know whether the creature succeeds or fails. Correct, the creature succeeds. Fuck me, it didn’t work. But Beau won’t be able to lie. Good idea casting it, though. We can move outside of the zone now, if you want. It didn’t work on him? Mm-mm. Then I’ll move outside of it. You can just dump it.
Yeah. No, I wanna leave it up. Okay, you move outside of the zone. ‘Cause it didn’t work on him, right? Nope. On the gem? No, it did not. (clicks tongue) Let’s go. (sighs) Okay. You grab the stone, you look towards it, and you can see, deep within kind of the swirling multi-colored mists within the ruby, you know, the red transitions internally to other colors, and you can see two amber-colored eyes, just irises, that are bright kind of yellow amber colored and looking right at you, and a voice goes, I was wondering where you all had gone. I’m happy to see that you have not abandoned the conversation. No, not yet. I’m Beau, by the way. Beau. I am Halas Lutagran. I am thankful for your aid and your keen eye. And I promise you riches, boons, whatever you need, should you be willing to dispel this gem of imprisonment that I have found myself in. Ah. And then what would you do? Where would you go? I would stay here. I built all of this you have seen, I assume, to have gotten this far, what I’m capable of creating. What happened? Why aren’t you in your body anymore? I had been toying with various arcane means of testing the boundaries of one’s mortal shell, and I had this gem specifically commissioned for this purpose. But it appears the design was sabotaged by one of my many enemies, I assume, and I found myself unable to escape it. A rare moment of a lack of foresight. Interesting.
And care on my part. Who was the person that sabotaged you? I can only imagine. There are many, many that would love to see me in this state. However none have, so that is a comforting thought, should we keep this between us. We’ll keep this between us, yes? Maybe. Have any idea how long you been in there? I have no idea. With the time dilation, I have been unable to adjust, as I’ve been stuck in here, so I assume it’s still set in a rapid progress, I believe? Yeah, yeah, totally rapid progress. Well how long have you been inside this halls, then? Oh, a couple weeks. A couple weeks? Much time has passed on your, I assume you hail from Exandria, yes? Maybe. You are stubbornly forthright not at all. You may not be aware, but a lot of time is passing in your home plane. No, I’m aware. All right. There are ways to disable that. There is actually a portion, as part of my design of this device, to adjust the passage of time, slower, quickly, or begin the normal passage. I previously set it in a advanced case, as I was hoping to bypass a few nuisances, and lifelines. But then here I’ve been, and I guess the rest you already know, since you look at me with such a already well-informed expression. Well, you have left quite the trail of little shrines behind yourself, so yeah, we kinda put the pieces together. Nice color scheme, by the way. Like the red and the gold. Branding is important. Mm-hmm. Beau, how’s it going?
Yeah, what (mumbling). He’s talkative, we take it? Hey Halas, can you like hold for one second? Certainly. Tink. (singing wordlessly) He wants us to let him out. He wants to go back into his body. He promised us riches and any boons that we wanted. So he’s stuck in there. What did you say about two weeks for? Oh, he was asking how long we’ve been in here, and then he’s like oh, you know, a lot of time has passed between this time and the next, and I was like yeah, I already know that. Did you ask him what the symbols on the roof are for? No, I haven’t gotten that far yet. What about how to get him out? He said he wanted a little Dispel Magic. Dispel Magic?
That’s all it takes? Something, yeah. That’s what he said, right? Dispel, he’s like dispel this? He said to dispel the gem of imprisonment he’s found himself in. Dispel the gem of imprisonment. A gem of imprisonment. Oh, he thought it was a regular one and then it is a trappy one. And that’s why he can’t actually possess anybody. What a stupid guy. Right, yeah, well he said one of his lackeys or colleagues sabotaged the gem. Can he hear us talking about him? Can he hear? You’re not currently holding the gem, I assume. No, I put it down. No.
You have no idea. Okay. I mean, he’s pretty cool and stuff, that was a pretty dumb move, is all. Keep working him. Come on, you’ve got leverage. What do the symbols do, how do we get out of here, how would we dispel it? We don’t wanna let him out, right? I mean, if he’s only thing that– We promise him whatever he wants to get information. Does he seem nice? He seems charming. Tell him how long he’s actually been trapped and see if he starts crying. Wow. But I don’t know how long he’s been trapped. Ask him about the Permaheart. Well, I mean, tell him nobody’s heard of him in like– Centuries or something. I mean, I think it has been that long. I think it has too. Ask him what year he thinks it is. He also said something though, about how he can like adjust the timing, and he can like, undo the time and shit, though. Maybe he can go back in time. Go back, talk more. See if he starts crying. Make him cry, Beau. You really wanna make a ruby cry. All right, Halas, you still there? Yes, Beau? Yep, it’s me. Thanks for waiting. Okay, so listen, you know, I am kind of the acting liaison for the Mighty Nein in this incidence. What year do you think it is? (laughing) What does it matter? I don’t know, do you wanna know how long you been here? Well what year is it for you? The year is, what year is it? What year is it? (laughs) I believe by this time it would be 836 PD. Wyld Stallyns! It’s 836 PD. Well, based on the fact that we are now working through time in a different era than I am familiar with– Ooh, yeah. Not knowing what PD refers to, and 800, wow, it has been– (laughing) Oh wow. That is very problematic. Uh-huh. It’s, oh no. (laughing) We rocked his noodle? By the way. (laughing) When the gem wizard says “wow,” shit’s fucked up. I set him down really quick. Gozer says, come again? Yep. I set him down really quick. He said no. Did he sound sad when he said no? He said he didn’t know what eon it was. I pick it back up. Ask him how to change bodies perfectly. Yeah, I’m getting there, I’m getting there. It’s a lot, a lot, okay, I pick it back up. Okay. Sorry, sorry, just I dropped you, I dropped you for a second. (sighs) Ask him if he’s a good wizard or a bad wizard. Ask him how to get out of here. Ask him if he can hear all of us talking. Can you hear my dumb team shouting behind me? No, but I can communicate with you, as you are holding the gem. Right, right, right, right. Okay, so look, we’d love to help you out. You know, ’cause we’re very kind and giving people. I assumed that much. You seem to be very curious folk. Mm-hmm. Curious means you’re useful. All right, that, you know, it sounds a little ominous, when you put it like that, you do realize that, right? Like nothing about what you just said is trustworthy. Stay on target, stay on target, come on. Why are you here? Why have you wandered these halls? Might as well tell him the truth. Yeah, come on. You familiar with an Arcanist Yussa? Nope. I am not. Remember, 800 years? While time shift? Well, I don’t know, maybe Yussa came through here. Well, we kind of found, we got this ball like a little bit ago, and then we actually came in a few months ago, your dragon, super pissed, by the way. You kinda left him hanging. What? No, no, I’m for this. Oh gosh. And then we kind of came in here looking for another mage that got sucked into your happy fun ball, and kinda stumbled into here. We were just trying to get somebody out. Yeah, and now we’re trying to get out. Yeah, ask him maybe how we can help him and us get out. I’m working on it! I was, you jumped my line, man, I was working on my pitch. I can only hear your half of the conversation. And you heard me building up to my pitch. I have no idea what’s going on. So here’s the thing, man. You wanna get out, we wanna get out, everyone wants to get out, right? Is there a fly on my head? I think that sounds like a reasonable comparison, yes. So we can grab your body, scoop it up, you can tell us how to get out of here, then we’ll let you out, we can go our separate ways. Or be friends, I don’t know, do you wanna be friends, do you like friends? Ask him if he’s nice.
Make him cry. Are you nice? (sighs) Do you cry? It’s a lot of questions. Ask him if he’s sad right now. Okay, hang on. There’s a long sigh. (laughing) This is why people don’t like us, by the way. Grab the– Keep going. Just how we get out. Morality’s relative, and I do not know by your standards what is considered nice or useful, so I would say, given the lack of information we have about each other, I myself can also prove useful. Imagine an individual responsible for creating such the space that you’ve found yourself in now could be capable of doing quite a few things in your favor. If you were to take my body, and take this gem, and manage to find a way out of the sphere, I can guide you. I really don’t like the long pauses. Then we could be useful to each other. He did imprison the Permaheart. He didn’t necessarily know what it was. He’s been using it, and studying it, (mumbling), we need to make friends. Ask him if he wants to be a lich. What? That’s kinda where I was going. Yeah Halas, we’ve kinda picked up on a few themes and interests of yours. Such as? Cloning yourself. Well, that is a relatively standard means of continuing one’s existence in a dangerous time of war. Pretty standard. Not anymore. That war is long gone. In fact, I mean, we’re in another war, but no, actually. What you’re doing is kind of taboo now. Most people don’t really like necromancy. Well, that’s unfortunate.
Yeah. Well, they don’t have to worry about it. I keep to my experiments, they keep to their interests. What I do here is not guided by the laws and morals of the rest of Exandria. And what I do does not hurt anyone. What, how old are you?
Does it? Apparently time isn’t relevant, right Halas? I’m asking you a question, as you’ve asked me many. How old are you? 26. Very young. Yeah. But you, I can tell, have seen some terrible things in your time. People you care about taken away. You can see all that through this? No, I can sense it, in the way you talk. For every person you’ve lost, what if it was unnecessary? What if there was a way to shrug off these confines of expected mortality that might have worked by the designs of some inferior self-imposed deities. Would you not be curious enough to pursue that possibility? Interesting temptations coming from the man who got himself trapped in a ruby. Look, I’m not proud of it. But when you focus intently on specific ideas, sometimes you lose track of the small details, a mistake I will not make again. Oh, if he mentioned a war, you should ask who was fighting and perhaps mention some of our foes, see if they ring any bells. Or more to the point, see who he was favoring. I’m working on it, I’m building the thing, keep interrupting. (sighs) We’re actually sitting in silence quite a bit. Pretty much. All right Halas. Yes. You know, I kinda feel, as they say, the devil is in the details, and if you are messing with things that are necromantic in nature that maybe you wouldn’t want to be clumsy as you were, so. So quick to judge the term necromantic, or necromancy. I also ascertain by this that you’re probably not one as well-versed in various magical interests. Are you a spell user, a spell crafter, a weaver of things arcane? I don’t know, what do you think? You’ve said you can sense a lot about me. (chuckling) This is not how this works. Do you find your friends healing your wounds, pulling you from the brink of death and watching all of your cuts and hemorrhages reversed? Okay, I get the point you’re making. That’s necromancy.
Yeah, I get it. There are many things that stem from necromancy. To judge one thing based on its school shows, how do you say in the common tongue, ignorance. Yeah, anyone could’ve told you that one was coming. Oh, he called me ignorant. Okay. It’s going well, good conversation. How do we get out of here! Wait (babbling). Okay, you mentioned a war, so what war is that that you’re referring to? Because I have some big fuckin’ news flashes for you that I haven’t even gotten to yet. So what war were you talking about? (chuckles) The conflict all across the world many times. Yeah. There were those who were unhappy with the ruling of the various deities, and as such, the Betrayers rose up against them in that conflict. Some of us were no longer of interest of the shackles left in our endeavors. Many of the various city-states began to fracture while others joined together. There are many conflicts there. So which war in particular of that realm are you interested? I was not part of any. These things do not concern me, I was more focused on building my own abode. Well, one of your little Betrayer God experiments, the Laughing Hand, does that ring a bell? Yes, that was connected with the unique sort of divine mutation that I was researching. Yeah, well, he’s kinda stomping around the world right now wreaking havoc. (chuckling) Divinity is useless. (laughs) And this Permaheart? Yes, has its uses. But I care not for this Laughing Hand. What use is it to you? (sighs) Death is an inconvenience one of my experience and power is not willing to cutto to. So I would seek other means of prolonging one’s life without having to give in to such base, easy transitions such as lichdom or means of undeath, and the whole deal is messy and difficult to control, and– Dying? Undying. And you tempting us with being able to alter time. What does that mean? Not altering time outside of this vicinity, but the things that are shackled to the tower machine can be transitioned to move slower or quicker relative to the prime material plane and others. All right, we’re gonna continue to have this conversation, but I wanna get out of this room ’cause it’s fucking boring. Oh, you’re stuck inside the dungeon. (chuckles) The Don John, what? Well, I assume that, seeing as how you are here, you walked into the mouth of the dreadnought, and I will say, quite impressive or extremely stupid, either way, you are within the dreadnought’s dungeon. You’re saying dungeon, right? More or less. It is a space that is contained within its belly and outside of its belly at the same time. There is no escape out here, aside from shifting between the planes. But I may have a means of showing you out, if you agree to take the gem and my body with you. We’ll take the gem and your body. All right. All right. What, what, what, what, what, what? Are you talking to us? Yep. I’m gonna put you down for a minute Halas. Round up his body, he’s gonna guide us outta here. In exchange for? He wants us to let him out, and I tell him all of that. Yeah, you exchange information with the party. Well. He sounds really nice, I like him. But he never explained to you exactly how we’re going to release his body. I think it’s an ongoing conversation, but I don’t wanna really like end up saying something or piss the guy off when he’s agreed to guide us out of here. I mean, the truth of the matter is, you know, if it wasn’t illegal or anything when he was around, you know, then maybe he didn’t know it was bad, and really, is it bad if it’s not hurting anyone? No, I don’t think so. There’s something about him. I’m wary of him. I don’t like that he called you ignorant, Beau. There’s something about him, for a guy who seems so steadfast in his knowledge and confident in his abilities, I seem to rile him up pretty quickly. (sighs) That’s also you. Yeah, I know, I know, but this one’s different, this one’s different. But we’re inside the belly of a dreadnought that we can only escape through a Plane Shift spell, which Caleb, you cannot do, correct? The best I could do would be to Banish one of you away to a random spot in our world. Well I could do it, no no no, Banish, we could cast it at a higher level, and I could Banish multiple people. To where?
To a specific plane? To the plane that they are from. But without a pinpoint location. Right, so if we banished multiples, everyone might end up in different places. Or in the ocean, or 500 feet in the air, or– Or a volcano. Well look, I mean, he’s offering to guide us out, I mean, we can try and just get to the door of this place and then decide from there. From within there he’s going to explain it, or he wants–
Yeah. He can just walk us through it. Well here. I’m not gonna throw him back in his body until he tells us how to get out of here, so– Talk, talk. Here’s the thing, there’s nothing wrong with a contract. So we’ve got somebody we need to get out of here, we need to get out of here, and maybe a little help dealing with what we’re gonna be facing on the other side. That’s three requests just for this, I feel like that’s fair, and then for that, we’ll put him back where he should be. He could be very useful to us. I just– We would be forced to take him at his word on anything. Agreed.
Well yeah, but– It’s better to have somebody’s word broken than to have no word at all. We’re also fucked for choice. Will say this. I sort of empathize with him, you know, he wants to be out of this thing he’s in, he wants his life back, he wants– This is his house. He wants his life back, and that’s something that’s worthy, however, I will say this, you do have one more option. Possibly, we could talk to Allura. Yeah, I can call her again. And maybe she can get us out of here, and if she can’t, then we’re fucked, and we gotta– Or she could just give us insight on if appeasing him is a bad idea. That’s actually really clever. Great idea. Yeah, let’s give her a call. Crack out that fuckin’ mirror. Yeah, just leave him on hold. Yeah, that’s what I was raising my hand for earlier. Has it been 24 hours since the first time that I used it? Technically. You used it–
Technically. Technically I’ve used it three times. You have.
But we slept. But we slept. You slept twice. Yeah.
Twice in here? Yeah.
That’s 16 hours, or– I’d say it’s been probably about, past the cusp of 24 hours. Okay, so I can use it again? Yeah.
Okay. All right. So, you– I bamf it out.
Mm-hmm. Allura? (yawns) Yes, I’m– Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you up? It’s all right. If you talk faster, it’ll be more normal for her. No, if I, oh yeah, okay, Allura, so here’s the deal, we went into the mouth of a dreadnought, and it turns out that it opened this other plane or something and now we’re stuck in this thing, and we found the body of Halas, but he’s trapped in a little ruby, and he’s asking to be let out, and he seems kind of sad about the fact that he’s been trapped for so long, but everyone’s kind of unsure whether or not we should do it, and then we’re like– It’s the Don John. Oh hey, Don John?
Yeah. And then we, oh yeah, we’re in the Don John. And then we were like, oh, you know, maybe Allura can help us, she might know how to get out, because you have to be able to shift planes or something. All right. That pace was easier to follow than usual. I’ll be right there, one more second. Who you talking to? My wife, I woke her up. Aww! Can I see her? No, she’s trying to sleep. She turns the mirror away. (laughing) Okay, trying to go over this. So you went into a dreadnought’s belly. Yes, yes, yes. (laughing) I would not know how to get there to even attempt to get you out. That’s a good point. (sighs) Yeah, you’d have to like come into the, right. Can’t Amazon Prime the Plane Shift spell in here, can you? And you’re certain that he’s trapped within this gem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he was in, what is it called? A gem of imprisonment. A gem of imprisonment. But he thought it was like a, he thought it was like a jar, a magic jar, but it– Soul jar. But then they said it was someone like sabotaged him. Yeah, tricked– And he got stuck in it instead. Yeah. If this was a magic jar, and he has not yet attempted to possess any of you, he’s either being extremely clever or he’s indeed trapped in this gem. Whatever you do, be careful. Take everything with a grain of salt. How confident are you in manipulating somebody of this mage’s– Not at all.
Extremely. Oh, like the control person or something? Just manipulate, or at least to not give too much information and get– Oh my god, we are so good at like, manipulating people. Secretive.
Yeah. We’re conniving. We constantly get things the way that we want them, people have no idea that we’re so secretive. But we aren’t like that at all with you because we really like you and you’re cool. I appreciate the candor. I would say then, utilize the skills that you have at your disposal, as you say, be mindful not to give too much information, ask questions more than answer them, and whatever you do, do not give him what he wants until we’ve had an opportunity to discuss this in person. I would like to see this gem. You got it, so. Hold up the gem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Well no, I’m not gonna hold it up, I’m gonna like put it down. No, put the mirror over the gem, go whoa. It’s very pretty. And I flip it to the other side, to the back side. That’s also very pretty. DM, just to clarify, I cast Identify and it pinpointed it as a gem of imprisonment, correct? No, it– Or were those just his words? No, I cast a spell.
Correct. You do know that not every object can be identified by a first level spell if it doesn’t want to. Okay. And for this device to have bypassed the attention of such a powerful mage, you get the sense that whatever might have been altered by this is not identified through– Okay, so in an arcane sense, magic eight ball came up and said “outlook cloudy?” Kinda.
All right. I think we know the deal we have to make, then. I do have to go. Oh. I have to sleep. I’m keeping my wife awake. Okay, well, we’re going to talk to this guy and he’s Halas, and he’s gonna get us out of here I guess, and then we just won’t let him out, and then I’ll send you a message when we’re on the other side. Please do.
Okay. All right. Yeah, tell her it might be time to start making her way back to the tower, meet her there. Well, I’m assuming she can bamf in like she did before, so she doesn’t need like, a lot of time to prepare, right, because you’re so powerful? Right, and based on the time dilation that I’m still experiencing, preferably just let me know when you land. Oh.
You got it. All right. Sleep well, my beautiful wizard. What are you doing? Why would you, what are you doing? (laughing) And the reflection returns to the mirror. So I think the deal we make is we get us and our friend who’s trapped in the prison, our benefactor, our prey? We get our mission complete, which is to get this person out of here. It’s so cool to get this speech from The Flash. I know. (laughing) I know, it’s weird to do this voice in this outfit too. I’m gonna take it off for part two. Doing Allura as this has been very unique, let me tell you. I can only imagine what it is for you. However, this feels totally normal. (laughing) We make a deal that all of us, including the one person we’re looking for, gets out of here alive, and then we’ll take him and his body and the ruby out, and then the person that he helps get out there will then look into getting him back into his body. Here, here, ask him about the prison of soot. The what? The prison of soot, where Yussa is. Good call.
Yeah. All right.
Do it. Picking it up. Don’t say anything you don’t want him to know. He can’t hear us. Oh, right.
He can’t hear us, only you. Don’t say anything you don’t want him to know. I also, before you touch it, I think we should assume that he could get out of that whenever he wants to. Yes. Possibly have touched by someone he likes, like– He’s either manipulating us, or– Telling the truth, ish. We assume he’s manipulating us, and we try our best to be quicker. All right, Halas, you there? Yes I am. Cool, good, good, good. All right, here’s the dealio. Oh, great. We’re gonna go find our subject of interest, we’re gonna complete our mission that we were sent in here to do from our benefactor, we’re gonna find this Yussa, and then we’re all gonna get outta here, all right? You’re gonna help us, right? Ask him how we can carry his body across all of the stuff. You’re strong. But what if we get attacked? You help me, I help you, that is the arrangement we’ve made, yes. For now, William can carry him. Oh, cool. All right, how do we get out of this room? Exactly. Let’s get outta here and then we’ll go from there. How do we get out? I’ve arranged a plane shift circle directly above the laboratory where you probably discovered me. Yeah. That should take you to my study. Okay. Great. With need to step into it. What’s great? He wants us to go into the plane shift sigil, circle, teleport, whatever, thing. It’s a plane shift circle. It’s a plane shift, that could’ve taken us out of here already? That one could’ve taken us out of here already. Jesus. We’re so stupid! Well we kind of knew that, we just didn’t know that. Or it coulda killed us, we didn’t know. (groans) All right, so how do we get up there? You wanna Polymorph? If that’s really the way out and that’s his offer, we don’t have to take him. Yeah, but we made a contract. Did we? We also need him to explain how to use it, because it just evaporated Frumpkin. He could also be lying and that could just kill us. Well what would be the point of that? Killing us. Yeah, but he wouldn’t be able to get out of his gem. That’s assuming this is, again– Yeah, but it evaporated, just, what– Let’s treat him like an ally. Let’s just do it. It’s the only way to get through this. Let’s just keep talking, let’s just keep– Yeah, if you mistrust everything, we’re never gonna move. Ask him how it works, just ask him how it works, we’re not going to just jump into it. All right, all right, I’m picking him up, I’m picking him up. All right, Halas. Yes. Here’s the thing, we already discovered this teleportation sigil. Oh, wonderful. We threw a cat at it, and it looked like the cat evaporated. Well it vanished, yes? That is the nature of things when they are projected between planes. You know, I don’t know, I’ve always been the projectee, I’ve never really witnessed anybody doing it– Then now you have. What will happen to the cat will happen to you, and you will return in my study. Like Mike TV? Don’t worry about it. (laughing) Whoever this Mike D’Vee is, I certainly hope– Mike Machiavelli, yes. Ask him how we get up there. Do you have a good recommendation for how to get up there? Did you just like Reverse Gravity this shit? Reverse Gravity. Reverse Gravity is one way of doing so, with a Feather Fall, or Fly is a very simple way, that’s my usual means of doing so. I don’t place such hidden exists readily available for groups that wander into the belly of such a terrible beast. It is but a trifle bit of magic for myself whenever I come to my ritual chambers. Man, so you would just like take off and fly and just shoot through that? That’s pretty cool. That’s a cool visual. How are we gonna do it? Polymorphy? Thunder Steppy? DM, question, like now that we know where it is and how high it is, about how high off of the ground– It’s about 100 feet. I can take somebody up there. I could take somebody up there. I could take somebody up there. Yeah, we can get ourselves up there. I can walk up there. And I’ll put the body on my back. Is he able to–
what about Willy? Oh, Willy.
Well. Willy can carry him if you Polymorph, or? I could Polymorph. Or Dimension. Ask him if he’s able to operate the circle from within there, or if one of us is supposed to do so. So can you activate this beast, or are we supposed to do it? It’s permanent, you just touch the middle of the circle and it will transition. Like the cat, got it. Nope, we just touch it. I take the next 10 minutes to, wait no, that’s incorrect, I think it’s longer. I could ask my cat. Could, if it hadn’t been (poofs). We just need to get up there. Yeah. Yeah, all we need to do is get up there. Yeah. I cast Polymorph. I cast Polymorph. Okay.
Do it, let’s go. Okay, into? Giant eagle. All righty, you can carry a handful of people. I carry Caduceus and I carry– (babbling) We gotta carry Willy and the body too. Okay, I’m not gonna go through, I’m gonna throw you guys, let you guys touch it, and then I’m gonna come back down. Oh, okay, cool, let’s do that. Okay. So you take Caduceus and– Caduceus and Willy. And Willy, all right. Make a Strength check as a giant eagle to carry a solid stone medium-sized golem. Oh, right, I might have to just carry Willy by himself. Might be a singular journey. I’ll take sleeping beauty. 12. It takes you a while. (whooshing) Better part of maybe three to four minutes to get to that height, and you’re starting to get tired already, and then even then, it’s less like being able to throw more than like, having to kinda lob as an upward movement. Willy’s gonna go ahead and try and, oh, rolled really well. Managed to, as part of that motion, spring as well and make just enough of an arc, otherwise Willy would’ve fallen and take a shit ton of damage. (laughing) He would’ve broke.
Just missed. He’s low on HP.
There you go. But then does (whooshing) and atomizes. Whoa! As an eagle, (screeches). (chuckles) As I go back down, I grab Caduceus and Nott? Sure. I hold out my claw, anybody who wants to come get in it. I’ll get the sleeping body as well, that’s in the manacles. So you take Halas’s body. Yeah, put the manacles around. All right, you fly up. All right, look Halas, there you go, there goes your body, can you see it, there it goes. No, I cannot see outside of the gem. Well it’s going. Fjord, Caleb.
Caduceus, Nott. (whooshes) Atomized.
Up and out. Are we dead? (laughing) Who’s next?
Fjord and Caleb. Sunset this campaign, let’s go. All right.
(laughing) (whooshing) Both of you, upon contact to the symbol, vanish. I come back down, I grab Beau. All right.
Mm-hmm. We’re all that’s left, right? (squeaks) I squeeze on and… (whooshing) I smoosh Beau up against, she’s just on my back, right? (grunts) Beau vanishes, and then you press up against it. You vanish as well. Oh no, we forgot Derrick. No, there’s no Derrick. (laughing) He’s been erased from our memory. As to what happens after touching that circle, we’ll come back to it after our break. (groaning) Roll your new character. Yep. We’ll be back here shortly. Wow.
Oh man. (imitating machinery whirring) My palms have been slick this whole time. (laughing) In the meantime, we do have, our awesome friends at Wyrmwood are giving away the wenge with turquoise inlay coffin dice vault, which is available through their Kickstarter campaign, which ends tonight, if you haven’t had a chance to get in, tonight’s your last chance to do so. On Halloween, to win this awesome thing tonight, put it in the code word tonight, which is dread, D-R-E-A-D. Once only in the chat, more than once and you’ll be disqualified, only folks in the US and Canada excluding Quebec ’cause of stupid giveaway laws. We’ll have a winner for you when we come back. Woohoo! Y’all just sit back a minute. Oh sheet. (upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click, open the web page ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you’ve got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ Last time, on Talks Machina. Are we on the internet? (cast laughing) I don’t know. You don’t know? Jerry, what the fuck are you doing here, man? Last week Dani said if we didn’t discuss Undeadwood, she was not gonna come back this week, and now we have Jerry, he has one job, I say “are we on the internet?” He comes up with something funny. We told him days ago. Try it again, are we on the internet? Yes, Brian, we’re on the internet. Hilarious. (Sam and Taliesin laughing) I’m jumping out of my fucking chair. Was it surprising for Nott and you to be the voice of reason during the Behemoth scene? Reason? I mean. Reason? They didn’t put it in quotes because I think they were in a hurry. Man, there was a lot of flip-flopping going on. At one point I believe everyone in the party except for me and Travis wanted to get the hell out of there, and then all of a sudden it seemed like I was the only one who did not want, no, yeah, so me and Travis wanted to go in, and then we flipped, and so I wanted to not go in anymore. Because it just, I wanted to, like I just wanted to see what was in the room, but then going into the thing is so, it’s such a leap. What the fuck? What is that? (laughing) We have a bug? Oh, I’m so happy. We have a bug with Will on it? Did Zach leave? I did not sign off on that. Have you ever done that on a show before? I would never have allowed that. The only thing that I would have allowed is me, no! (Sam and Taliesin laughing) Unacceptable! Oh my god! (groaning) How many of those do we have? No!
Do we have more of them?! Everyone is fired! (Taliesin laughing) This is literally my worst nightmare. I totally feel you, I think you made the right decision, ultimately, and you know, you don’t need ratings, so that’s fine, you know, you did the show for other reasons, and you’re not gonna get that bump that I would bring to the show, but that’s okay, you can have, you know–
The Riegel rise? Yeah, the Riegel rise. You’re not gonna get that, but that’s okay, you have other things.
Hey Brian. Yeah. We’re 30 minutes in. We are 30 minutes in. (Sam and Taliesin laughing) Thank you, Jerry. Thank you for reminding me at what point in the show you became useful. Jerry, tell them what happened, campaign two, episode 26, you remember that one? (Sam laughing) That is a good question. It’s a great one, that’s what I do for a fucking living is ask good questions. You’ve got a computer in front of you, look it up. No, don’t– That’s just a prop, it doesn’t actually– If you’re gonna fill in for Dani… (sighs) I can say to Dani, “what happened that episode?” And Dani will say, “how much time you got?” You know, and I’ll say “five seconds,” then she’ll tell me in five seconds. She’s an expert. She’s one of the leading experts in her field, to be fair. What do you think Obann’s “finish line” might entail? Are either of you worried about not getting back in time to stop him? I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what he’s doing. I mean, he’s assembling this awesome squad of doom. Which we’ve hindered. We have, but he still has other members who can cause a lot of damage. But like, is he going to attack something? Is he going to overthrow someone? Is he just causing chaos? Like what is the end goal? I don’t know. This has been something that’s plagued us the entire campaign, we just don’t know. Don’t know what he’s doing. But there’s no sense running into it half-cocked, I mean, going through this thing and looking for anything we can use against him is a good idea. This is a big happy fun ball of destruction and we might find something that’s very useful for, that’s so weird, that’s, you know, so I’m a big fan of not going into battle until you feel like you have a fighting chance. I will say this, though, just to Matt’s credit. It’s frustrating sometimes to not know the answers to anything in this campaign, but it’s also like, it’s kind of addictive, ’cause there’s always more to learn. Looking for answers, yeah. (dog barking) Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. No, it’s okay. He’s gonna be done soon. He’s leaving. Our winner for this week was sent in by Kyle Clemens @Baneb1ade, is that right? Baneblade, oh, there’s spaces. Cool. Great job, whoever’s job that is. Max. On Instagram and Twitter, photo by @afflictionphotos, let’s take a look. Oh yeah!
Oh! This was Manleth, yeah.
Manleth. Yeah, we were appreciating this earlier. Is that real fire on his hand? Marisha, you saw this, right? It looks like real fire. Oh, she loves him so much. It’s so great, the hair, the beard color, amazing. There’s a whole set of these, if I recall, we were looking at.
The staff is great. I bet that’s his real beard color. Is someone calling? Yeah, it’s a FaceTime, and it’s ArseQueef. Oh!
Aww. Are you upset because your picture isn’t on the skull, we had to move it for the decorations? That’s exactly why I called in. That’s ex, (sighs) I’m super sorry, that was actually a Max thing, and– Sure it wasn’t a Jerry thing? Jerry, was that it, did you move the picture of ArseQueef? No that was Max. Where is it, guys? It’s not anywhere around me. Sam, stop doing that. (laughing) He said stop doing that. I don’t even see it anywhere around me. Maybe if we find it, we’ll like– We’re trying to find it, man, I am so sorry. I also have a very special announcement for you, Brian. What is it? It’s that Mini Primetime with Will Friedle is… (cast and crew laughing) He does better ad reads than you! Oh my god! Who put him, no! (cast and crew laughing) God dammit! Watch what you’ve done. Look at this. No, get him out of here. Get him out of here. Hey everyone, the insanely talented Will Friedle here. I’m excited to announce that I have a new late night talk show coming to the Critical Role YouTube channel on Wednesdays called Mini Primetime. It’s brought to you by the same creators as that one show with the hippie kid with the bracelets, whatever that is. Anyway, my show, Mini Primetime, is a mini painting show for beginners and veterans alike where this handsome face teaches the Critical Role cast how to paint their own Mighty Nein minis. We’re gonna be focusing on specific techniques like fades, small detail work, and taking your mini to the next level by adding to your base. So look for it soon on Critical Role’s YouTube. Critical Role, what is that, what is even a Critical Role? Oh, that’s right, that was the show with Kash. (upbeat jazz music) Last time on Yeehaw Game Ranch. Ooh! What? Oh no, it’s already happening, dude. Oh god. Woo! Ooh! What? Is there anyone there? Ooh! Don’t make contact! Hey, hey, hey ghost, are you lost? Don’t open yourself up! Are you lost, can we help you? Which one of God’s forgotten stepchildren speaks to me? Ooh! You’re getting shit from beyond the grave. I can’t think, nowhere’s safe. My name is Brian. Where are you trying to go? That voice. It sounds so familiar. I feel as if I heard it a long time ago. Wait a second.
Yeah. Travis, that voice kinda sounds familiar to me. There’s no way in hell that’s TN– I feel like I recognized it. Oh, that’s right, you cringe wizard! (Brian and Travis laughing) It’s me, T. N. Tina! And I’m a fuckin’ ghost! Fuck, Tina! Amazing! Tina’s back! Awesome! Yeah, thanks a lot, you little bitches! (Travis and Brian laughing) You both didn’t do anything to stop me from getting my head ripped off. I’d expect that from you, you cowardly waste of unlimited atoms! Oh. Well what have you been up to since you went into the clouds? Well, after I got my fuckin’ head ripped off, I saw a bright light at the end of a long tunnel. I felt my body being pulled, and I began to barrel towards the light, faster and faster, until a huge green aura wiped across my eyes. I had then reached it. Reached it? Reached what? The Gates of Diemore. That’s the place Redbird mentioned back at that shitty-ass jungle. What’s the Diemore again, Tina? The Diemore is the holy plane that all critters go to when their souls have been released by the oath. Who is oh? You really don’t know shit. (Travis laughing) Oh is the 12th and final maker. What? Now go play the spooky game and don’t forget the prophecy! Oh Tina, Tina, don’t leave us! Tina, don’t leave us! What’s that? It’s a mountain. I’m sweating like Sam when he gets a letter from the IRS. Oh god. Get in there. Okay. I’m going in. Oh god! Record it, record it. I’m recording! Night vision! Night vision! Oh no, dude, if we have to do this through night vision, I’m not doing it. I thought maybe like a flashlight, but that shit is, I don’t think so, dude. Keep your back to the wall. Something’s shiny on the table. What are you talking about! Something shiny on the table. Touch it, touch it. It’s a confidential file, here we go. This is not so bad. We’re fine. I don’t even want to read it. I don’t care. It might tell us more– I don’t need context, I need to survive. Pro. That’s locked. I’ll try the blocked door. That’s where the dude was, man. (screaming) Fuckin’ shit! I knew it. Fuck! I knew it. God dammit, Max. I’ve mastered the art of candy corn chucking. Battery. I know, I see it. Wow, Jerry. I’m on fire. Little pig! (dramatic music) No! What the fuck is that! Oh, I’m gonna choke on shit. Fuck that. Everything’s wrong, okay? So something bad definitely happened, the military was brought in, they were taken over by the… (laughing) I will fight, Jerry, I will jump off the couch. If you guys are fucking actually planning to make shit in real life fall on my fucking face, I’m gonna kill someone, and then you’re fired after you’re dead. Jerry, you better claim that that was you, because if it’s some spiritual shit, I will bamf out of this realm so fast. What just fell down? Don’t fuck around! I’m just looking to see what fell over, dude, I’m fucking terrified. What is happening right now? They’re watching the Game of Thrones finale. This guy’s like, are you fucking serious? I feel like we’re in Sleep No More. This guy’s like, I lost half my face for this? And the other guy’s like, I can’t look, man. All right guys, it’s been real, appreciate ya. TV’s on the fuzz. Just enjoyed our programming. Keep it– (screaming) Oh shit! Get them out, please! The doctor is dead! Rip them clean! You have to help me! (laughing) You son of a bitch! Oh god, I keep thinking I see things. I don’t like this one bit. We’re good, we’re good, we’re good. The fact that… (suspenseful music) Run, run! (shouting) Get the fuckin’ light on! (shouting) Do I need to head under the bed? What do I do! Back under the bed? I don’t know, man. (shouting) He’s fuckin’ fast! He’s faster than shit! I don’t know, man, where else can we go? Go back, go back. I’m going to the bed. Fuck. I’m going under the bed. (shouting) Reload the batteries! I’m trying! (gentle electronic music) (somber music) Our father, we gather here as strangers, brought together by gold, now bound by fate and fear. We remain steadfast in our bodies and in our minds. But this evil we face now meets us ill-prepared. For guidance we ask you now. For protection. Not just for our lives, but for our very souls. Be our light as we enter the darkness. (mysterious music) (slow dramatic music) (suspenseful music) (sighs) I just want to watch my Critical Role. (mysterious music) For your consideration, this is the face of a Critter who’s craving their Critical Role content. But for this sanctimonious shipper, timer misled them like a trip to the Feywild. They now have come face to face with existential dread, a fear of sardonic spoilers. Let us lead them across the bridge into a realm of bright shadows where, even if one misses the live viewing of their favorite program, they can still watch it on demand if they bear the mark of a Twitch subscription to the channel. That mark, a mysterious sigil of emoticons made by the sage, ArseQueef. In this land of shadow known as the Twitch Subscription Zone, no shipper, fan ficcer, or please name my kitten litter Critter has to feel like a bitter fritter. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call the Twitch Subscription Zone. Subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. (suspenseful music) You should check to see if you’ve left the oven on. (dramatic music) And welcome back. So, before we get back into the game, we do have our winner of the Wyrmwood giveaway, it is Notfishhh. (cast laughing) Big fan. Notfishhh, congratulations, and we’ll have that sent to you ASAP. Is it N-O-T-T-fish? N-O-T-F-I-S-H-H-H. (cast laughing) Notfishhh. Is that your secret handle, Taliesin? Notfishhh. Notfishhh, not fish, no, no, not fish. (chuckling) All righty, folks. Let’s go ahead and jump in to where we last left off. Get the music going. (gasps) So. (mumbling) It’s not regulation. That’s the point. Bird’s nest. It’s terrifying. (laughing) I have to thank Tara Strong for getting me this wig. Why are you thanking her for that? (laughing) One by one, you apparate, in a darkened space, strangely familiar. You are now standing within a hexagonal chamber sitting at a heavy angle to the left, it appears to be some form of a study, a place you’ve already been before. You can see a desk, furniture, bookcases and shelves. But it’s all been tossed a bit. You can see the portrait of Halas up on the wall. You can see the bookcases themselves, previously passed by, that were locked, and the large stained glass window that shows all the different planes, inner and outer, where you had previously pressed a red object and were tossed into one of the other chambers before. Now, much of the furniture has been set on its side, rolled and emptied, you can see the carpet has been set slightly askew that was previously in the center of the chamber, as well as broken pieces of what appears to be a mage hunter golem, similar to the one that you had previously fought, now scattered and left amongst the bits of toppled furniture. We didn’t do that. No, (mumbling). The chamber has no visible exit, aside from the doorway you entered, which was strangely the same doorway you entered the first time, though the means of arriving is different. I reach out to my cat with my mind for him to come to me. (meows) Frumpkin comes around the corner and looks over towards you. Told you I’d come back around. According to the map, there are several exits here to go to other rooms. We know where we need to go. The prison off- Wait, we’ve got a guy who can tell us where to gonna. Yeah, we just ask him which one to take. We’re going to– Are we sure that we think Yussa would be in the prison? Yeah, the Traveler told me that Yussa was there. What’d you say? We sure this is Halas? He hasn’t been seen from in a long time, he knows the way out, I mean, who else could it be? I think it’s him. And did know how to get out, and made sense with what we found. Also doesn’t change how we work with him. Ask him how to get Yussa out of the prison of soot. Ask him how to change my body permanently. In time. We’ll get there, right? Isn’t that like a, hey Halas. You there?
Yes. I’m not going anywhere. Good, good. So we think that the person that we’re looking for is in your prison of soot. Ah. That makes sense, that’s where the mage golems are supposed to take them once they’ve been subjugated. (gasping) How do we get, we didn’t hear that part. Yeah, no.
Sorry. Thank you for relaying that, Beau. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. How do we get him out? All right, how do we going to him out, and how do we not get caught by your mage golems? I would say perhaps being careful not to expend spells of a particular level or higher. The power tends to draw them and activate them to hunt you from chamber to chamber. And there are multiple throughout my homes. But the prison has many. The prison is a series of chambers, tower-like, but at an angle. Usually take no more than two captives per layer, once they have been absolved of their objects and means of escape. It is called the prison of soot for a reason. Uh-huh. There is a type of dust that hangs in the air. I would not recommend speaking out loud for more than a handful of words at a time. It’s drawn to the vibration of one’s vocal cords. (sighing) Right, sure. This is very useful. What does it do when it is in contact with one’s vocal cords? Paralyzes them for a day or two. Big punishment, big punishment. There was soot in his pocket. Can he tell us what that was? Is that the same type of soot that was in your pocket, or is that like different soot? No, that was specifically for a ritual that was unsuccessfully attempted. Hmm. Beauregard, could you ask him if his golems are all identical, or if there is variety that we are unfamiliar with? Did you have like different lines of golems? Was there like a summer like and then like a spring line, or are they all pretty much the same? There are many variations, depending on what I wanted them to achieve. The mage hunters are to prevent my chambers from being ransacked by others such as myself. There’s some that are meant to aid me in the construction of these halls and the extensions of them. There are those that are designed to gather materials for this purpose, there are some that are designed to forge other golems, there are those that are designed to maintain my physical well-being. There are many types. Ask him if he has any sexy golems. That’s actually a great, yeah. It is? Halas.
Yes? Halas. Does it get a little lonely in here? (laughing) In this gem, very. Well, it’s a happy fun ball. Did you ever make a sexy time golem? You know.
Sex bot. You know, like–
Bot? Bot? Yes. Ancient, powerful wizard in a stone and we’re asking him if he has a fuck doll. Hey, he knows I don’t fuck around, okay? So what’s it gonna be, Halas? Come on, you gotta be honest. No, I do not. No, you do not have a sex bot? (laughing) Or no, you do not– Insight check. (laughing) ‘Cause you know, if you deny it, that’s almost more incriminating. He’s gonna hate us. We should probably stop. All right, we’ll pick this up later. How do we get out? There are many doors here to find. If we wanted to get into your chamber that led to the prison of soot. Or the most direct way. The circle bound chamber. Behind one of the bookcases there should be a black wooden door. A black wooden door behind a bookcase. Uh-huh, that’s what he said. I start looking. I’m assuming you’re, yeah. Yeah, there’s one, the one that’s kind of this bookcase to the left of the stained glass door on the bottom has been kind of moved to the side, and you can see behind it, flush against the door is a hidden door made of wood that looks to be kind of charred or blackened to give it that very very dark exterior look. Hey guys, I found a door! According to the map, this goes to the circle bound chamber. Which then leads to the prison of soot. Should we check on what we’re gonna find in the circle? Oh yeah. What’s with this chamber? What’s in the CBC? This chamber contains, what’s the word I’m looking for. A utility person of which has been a source of important information in some of my previous research. I hope you’re not frightened by fiends? Well, no. What kind of fiend? Don’t worry, they cannot hurt you, I have ensured that. Unless it’s been tampered with. Have I been gone that long? I cannot be certain it is there. I cannot be certain it is still bound. But last I checked, what, millennia ago, it would seem, it was of no issue. Can you be a little bit more descriptive on what it is? It is a horned devil. A horned devil. Like Obann? Like a devil devil? Yes, from the hells, yes. From the hells, horned devil from the hells. Horned devil from the hells. When was the last time he checked? Well. Yeah, homeboy’s been checked out for just a hot fuckin’ second. Whatever it is and whatever it says, do not believe it. Know that these creatures are dubious, devious, and will say whatever it takes to get what they want. (snickering) All right.
Okay. Can he give us a detailed map of the soot, since we can’t fucking talk to him when we’re in there? Well, we’re not there yet. The soot isn’t in this chamber, right? No, it is after this chamber. That’s what I mean, though. Oh, but I guess, yeah, we’re not gonna wanna– We get our questions out now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we’re talking in the study, right? We got one more room to go before the soot room. While Beauregard is walkie talkie-ing here, I know, I looked at this room through Frumpkin’s eyes earlier and it rolled, and it looks rolled now, but while she’s talking, I’m going to look around those shelves where the books were and just see if I’m missing anything. Make a Perception check. Can I roll one as well with my See Invisibility still? Sure, go for it. Balls. 16. 16. All right, and what’d you get? Balls. Okay, you notice, there’s the stained glass portal, which you had escaped. The shelves are barren. Either Yussa or if anybody else has been in since the last time you were in here has taken most anything of interest out of this chamber. You notice that there is the single brown door that you came out of, which also leads back, you would assume, to the entrance you first arrived at when you first came here. There was also a red gold door that is exposed near the opposite end of the chamber, where it looks like there was some sort of a tapestry that’s been torn off now and has revealed this door. You also notice there is a trapdoor exposed under the carpet that is now askew. Hmm. We didn’t really have time to search this place our first visit here. Hey, here’s a surefire way to figure out where each door goes. Can I go up to the painting of Halas? Oh, that’s pen, you’re gonna write on it in pen? Do you have a pencil? Yeah, here.
Can I grab that? I go to the painting of Halas. Do I notice any like, scars or anything on the painting, that would make him look a little different than the body that we have? Make a Perception check. Yes. ♪ Oh Traveler, guide me ♪ Dammit. 13. 13? I mean, it’s a painting, and paintings are generally intended to be an optimal representation of an individual, so it looks pretty consistent with the body that you’re currently lugging on top of Caduceus’s shoulders. Okay. All right, well. Did you find anything, we’re good? You didn’t find shit. This place has been emptied. There’s no faster way to the prison of soot. Hey Halas. What’s behind this like gold and red door, by the by? Just curious. The gold and red door leads to my personal bed chambers, I would not recommend going there. That’s where the sex bot is. I was gonna say, you beat me to it. Okay.
(laughing) Just another point in the sex bot’s favor. What’s the flesh man facility? There is no sex bot, it is heavily trapped, and I will not tell you how to disable them because you should not go in there. At your own risk. Sounds like something someone with a sex bot would say. He doesn’t want us to go in the bedroom? No. Ooh.
No. Ooh. He said it’s heavily trapped and he’s not gonna tell us because he doesn’t want us rummaging through his sex bots. He doesn’t have a choice. He needs us. If we die in his bedroom, he doesn’t get out of here. No, he’s been in here for hundreds of years, if not longer, I think he’s okay with it. And now he’s like, in an easier place to get to. He’s like right in the entry way. I can disable a trap or two. Why are you even thinking about it? Why doesn’t he want us to go in there? [Taliesin And Laura] ‘Cause it’s his bedroom. Do you have anything your bedroom that I can’t see? Well, no, but I don’t really have a bedroom. We did at the Xhorhouse. No, I really don’t. He didn’t, he slept on the roof. If the astral dreadnought wasn’t enough, we’re gonna go in the ancient wizard’s bedroom. Let’s just go to the prison of soot. Poor Yussa’s just waiting and waiting. Let’s just not be rude to someone who’s doing us, I feel like he’s being very fair so far. You’re totally right. Let’s not aggravate somebody who– There’s just, could be stuff to steal there, I like stealing stuff. You’ve stolen a lot of stuff here already. You know, if we were gonna steal any, oh, you don’t that right away. If we want to steal stuff, there is the fucking hoard that was left behind by the blue dragon that we didn’t get to take anything from. Which will be on the way out. Exactly. And to be honest, I am dreadfully curious about what most personal items and writings might be in his bedroom, however I feel like we have pushed our luck quite hard here. I would’ve been more excited if he hadn’t been a living person. Hey Yussa. Yes? That’s not Yussa. I mean fuck, Halas. I know what you mean. Hello. (laughing) Freudian slip. I know. Wait, this isn’t Yussa, is it? Are you Yussa? (laughing)
All right. He’s over it. He’s so over us. What’s behind this trapdoor? ‘Cause we found a few of ’em, we’re just curious. The trapdoor leads to the flesh man facility. It is where I tend to any injuries that I sustain. Oh, where it’s going with that, it’s like a doctor. Yeah, I mean, flesh man, that sounds like men’s flesh. That’s pretty cool, that’s cool. Which one leads to the circ, oh, that’s the black one. That’s where we’re going. All right, is there– Any doors we haven’t seen that we should know about in this room? Anything else cool? We’re just curious ’cause we’re like taking a little tour, you know. From the study there is the tapestry entrance chamber through the soft wooden door, and if you press on to the red location on the stained glass, it brings you to the dragon’s lair, but you said you’ve already visited this dragon? Yup. What’s his name? Why do you ask? I dunno, I just wanna know what you named your dragon. Did you name it or did– I don’t name the dragons, a dragon is named, but then I use its name to bind it. Well, you’re an intense person, Halas. You’ve seen my home. You did not assume this already? (laughing) I’m intense as fuck. So what’d you name your dragon? Or what’s the dragon’s name? Oh my god. How do you name a dragon? (laughing) Flesh man facil, I mean, let’s go to the fucking circle bound chamber. Yeah. Thelashas was the name that it had. Unless it’s changed it since, that is the name of the dragon. That’s a decent amount of clerical work you have to go through, he probably hasn’t. Then let us continue, please. All right, so, I’m gonna put him down. Okay, we gotta, we’re not gonna really talk to him in the chamber, right? We’re just gonna go through the chamber and then go– In the next chamber we can talk to him. Barely, because there’s a fiend. There’s a horned devil there. Who cares, he can’t hurt us. We don’t know that yet. As long as he hasn’t broken free of his bonds, and it’s been hundreds of years. And Beauregard said that he’s unclear whether he’s still in his bindings, he’s been here for centuries. We should get ready to fight just in case. I think we should as well.
Be ready. Yes, we should ask a Q and A, last chance, what do we need to know about the prison of soot, what to look out for, where are the traps, how do we get through them all? Okay. Want me to do it? Yeah, you wanna talk to him? Yeah. Hey Halas. Yes. I know the first thing. No. I’m gonna hand you over to Nott. Well. Very well. This is happening. Come on, come on, come on! Let’s go. Hand it over. Are you gonna immediately ask how to– No, I’m gonna ask him about the traps, I’m the trap person. You’re gonna immediately ask about– No, I’m gonna ask him about the traps. Hand it over. Halas? Yes. Nott the Brave here. Your name is Nott. We’re gonna be going into your prison of soot, and we wondered if there’s any traps that we should know about going in so that we don’t fall into them. I do not recall any traps. It is not designed to be a trapped chamber, it was a designed to be a containment and information gathering chamber. How many levels are there? This is a singular chamber. It’s just one room. Yes. But you said there was two prisoners per chamber. That is the prison. Oh, I’m asking about the prison of soot. I misunderstood.
I’m sorry. No, I have an accent. I’ve been in a gem for a long time. (laughing) I feel you. The prison I believe was designed to contain 27 floors with the ability to expand beyond them. It hasn’t required use as much as I anticipated. Hi, we’re going on a three way call. Can you hear me? Hello Jester. Hi. Wait. Did I tell him my name before? That’s creepy.
Yeah, I believe you did. Did I? Do you guys remember me telling him my name? That’s fine.
I like your freckles. Thanks.
I know, aren’t they cute? They’re so awesome. Thanks, you guys. Okay, so where do the new prisoners go? Do they go up from like, fill up from the bottom to the top, or the top to the bottom, or are they put in randomly? The programming on the golems is particularly limited. Their utility, yes, but I believe it’s from the top to the bottom. Okay. How do you open the doors? How do you open the doors? You use the golem to unlock them. Or I unlock them myself. Well you’re not here, so. So you would have to improvise. Okay. Will we know who’s in the chamber before we open a door? The cells are open. The cells are open.
Ah. Meaning there are bars, so. Oh, I see, so we’ll see who’s in there and we can only open the ones that we want to. Dedicated golems in the prison, if so, how many? How many golems are in the prison? I believe, last I checked, and it could’ve changed, it’s been a while. I had eight arranged throughout the entirety of the prison. Do they have an off switch, a safe word, something? No, they just know to not attack me. If we looked like you would they attack? It’s possible, I haven’t attempted the limits of such a thing. I do not recall if they are bound to the essence of myself or just the visage. You are welcome to try it, but I cannot guarantee it would do in your favor. Are they attracted to arcane users if they’re not casting? Are they like your fireflies? Ah, yes, you’ve made your way through the garden. They are drawn to the usage of magic. Got it. And then the voice thing. Does it have anything to do with volume, or is it just amount of words? Vibration of the vocal cords of any kind of speech is what will draw the soot. And, oh, we can write, that’s an excellent idea, Fjord. And your paints might be a way out through the– Yeah, yeah, good idea.
Yeah. And how do you change a body permanently? I’m uncertain what the question is? We found some notes in your lab that you could possibly alter a body permanently or change someone into another person? There are number of things. There is upper level Polymorph abilities at the higher echelon of arcane manipulation in which you can transition one person to any other person, or one creature to another creature, to a creature an object, an object to a creature, the spectrum is indefinite. What are you asking about? Any spells or any magic that might be acquired by someone like me, with a limited ability, or a wizard. Well, you, if you have a limited ability, probably not much of that regard, but there are things that could be useful, yes. Like? Like things I could discuss once you let me out of this device and return me to my physical body. Does he have any problem with us taking someone else with us and leaving in exchange for letting him out? Taking someone with us and leaving? Oh, I think he knows that, right? Yeah. We’ve said that, clearly? Yeah.
Yes. We’re going to be breaking someone out of your prison. Do you have a problem with that? Not if it means that your end of the bargain is maintained. All right. Let’s go in. Let’s do it. All right. All right, so you’re stepping through the door towards the– Circle bound. Circle bound chamber. All righty. The CBC. As you step past the doorway, this one isn’t, you’re used to kinda the rush and the vacuum-like pull from room to room. This one seems relatively calm, like stepping across soft cobblestones through a short hallway. And partway through that hallway the smell changes into like a heavy smoke with a hint of sulfur to it. You pass a threshold you didn’t know was there until suddenly your eyesight changes and shifts, and this dark, charcoal-colored room now surrounds you. Deep red tapestries hang from the walls, depicting elements of the blood war between devils and demons. All sorts of massive, grotesque, violent and detailed displays of carnage between the two warring factions of fiends surround the interior of this chamber. A blood-soaked table sits next to a rough hewn stone door that holds all manner of gruesome cutting and carving tools. There’s also a large empty basket, equally splattered with dry gore. A few other small tables and a singular shelf line the edges of the room. In the center of the room, a 15-foot circle of dull burning purple light strikes lines between its boundaries in a tangled glyph, and sitting atop the strange circle is a set of folded leathery wings wrapped like an egg of textured skin. Sitting on top of the glyph? Mm-hmm. Let’s just ignore him and keep going. Yeah. Do we see any other doors? No cages, no constraints, no manacles. You do see a rough hewn stone door on the opposite end of the chamber. No cages, no manacles, no open chains, no broken? Make a Perception check. Should I ask?
18. 18? You don’t see any chains, nothing. Let’s just go, let’s just move. But we don’t know which door it is. Wait wait, before we go. We have to figure out how we’re writing stuff, right? Because past this we’re in the soot. Get out some paper. Yeah, I take out my journal. Caleb has some. I hand out some paper scraps to people. Is that rough hewn stone door the way to the prison of soot? That is. ‘Kay.
What is it? Sorry, the rough hewn door, sorry. The rough hewn door is not, that leads to the carving farm. (laughing) That’s the wrong door. What door are we looking? What’s a carving farm, is it a butcher? It’s a chamber that I use to maintain my sustenance. To maintain his sustenance. This guy’s fuckin’ weird. You eat meat, you carve meat? I eat and carve meat, yes, have it prepared by one of my golems. Meat, what kind of meat? You are so curious. We just wanna know how to be safe. Avoid the carving farm. He says not to go in there. We should totally go in there. We should totally go! No, we shouldn’t go in there. Oh, we don’t go in the carving farm? We don’t go into his bedroom, we want to go in the carving farm? Exactly. The astral dreadnought? Could’ve gone into the bedroom if you wanted to poke about. What kind of beast does he feed himself from? What do you like to eat? We have some vegans in the group and they’re just sort of curious. Why are you so interested in changing bodies? You’ve asked quite intensely about wanting to know of this magic and its acquisition. It’s something that I’m curious in. You seem unlike any goblin I’ve encountered in my times here. You seem unlike any ruby I’ve encountered. Touche. Press him on that one question. The wings begin to unfold. We should go, we should go. We gotta go. And standing you see this 12-foot tall humanoid creature from beneath, the edges of the circle kind of just barely hitting the perimeter as his wings expand. Seem to flash against what looks like some sort of a faintly, only momentarily available barrier before it vanishes from sight, almost like each impact causes it to show up for a second before it dissipates. You see two large clawed hands press against it as this large devilish humanoid of dull red and brown skin, clawed, hooked fingers, these hoof-like backwards legs, a long pointed tail, and heavy set of curled horns that protrude from each side of its head. Its burning red eyes and fanged jaw facing in your direction. (laughing) It just looks out to all of you. Happy Halloween, motherfuckers. Let’s not, let’s– Where’s the door, where’s the door, Halas? Words, it has words. Words, oh it has been some time, some time, words, it’s been some time. I start looking around for another door. Make a Perception check.
Ditto. Is the thing chained to anything, or is it just– No, it is inside like an invisible dome. It’s bound.
27. Bell jar. It has been some time, time, time, what a construct, time. 10. What an idea, time. What time is it? We couldn’t tell you.
Hard to say in here. It gets close to the glass in your direction after you say that phrase. What’d you roll? 27.
And you rolled a? 10.
10. Behind where this circle is, there’s about a 10-foot gap, and you can see what looks to be a set of drapes that are closed, and from the bottom of it you can see what looks to be the bottom of a doorway. (snaps fingers) With that high Perception check, what little light there is from each flash of this creature putting its hands against the barrier. I’m gonna slowly start making my way there. It looks like a dark iron type, like bottom foot. I’m gonna just start making my way over there. I follow Caduceus.
Okay. Ah, what are you doing here? We have not had visitors for some time, at least a few days, maybe.
What are you doing here? Days? Weeks. Just a couple days.
Weeks? I’m kept here. What is you? What is you, pretty blue one?
What is you? I’ve been here for some time. The pesky time again. For some time, I imagine, I’ve been here. Going towards the door, and I’m pulling the curtain to reveal. Okay, as you see Caduceus doing this, revealing it, its wings have now like filled the space, the crackling, the barrier is now consistent, you hear this like (imitates crackling) crackling sound as it’s kind of like, trying to push against it as it’s kind of just looking intently at all of you, its head kind of twitching and shifting around to each of you. It seems to be hungry to take in all the information of what surrounds it, and the fact that there seem to be people wandering through the chamber. So, what have you come, bring companionship, questions? What do you bring me, why are you here? I’m opening the door. It doesn’t open. Fuck. (mumbling) I’m not there. Lassy, Lassy, how do you open the door? I need to open it. What do you mean you need to open it? Oh fucking shit.
That’s what he was saying. Your body needs to open it? Well, I have means of opening doors. I built everything to work based on the certain skills and magical crafts that I have. I will go join Caduceus at the door. We’ll go over there as well. What? I’ll walk over to the devil. Okay. Me too, I’m just right here. I’m gonna whip out some tools and start seeing if there’s a lock.
Okay. Would you, friendly speaking ones, ones so full of honor and respect and words, so full of words, please check and see if there is a green tome on that shelf for me, please? What’s your name? I do not recall, it has been too long, my name, I have lost my name, perhaps it’s in that book. Are you just in here with no books and no anything, you’re just in this little circle? For a long time, time immeasurable. Time, it’s a word that keeps happening, what is it about this word time, and you, time and time again, say the word time. Do you remember Halas? Halas. You see now, like the muscles tense for a second, and now the wings kinda push intensely against the outside of the barrier. That tricksy bastard and his tricksy circle. And he pushes even harder again, it just flashes brighter, and kinda the arms recoil a bit from it. His tricksy questions, and his tricksy tricks. I’m at the door, but where are these books that he referred to? Oh, how sweet and tasty his soul would be, would’ve been, had it been brought here. I almost had it, almost had it. You almost had what?
His soul? His soul. Halas has made many deals with many devils. But he’s weaseled out of every contract. He is a prize, that one. Sought after by even the highest in the hells. It would be so tasty. (laughing) You get the sense this devil’s a little crazy. What does Halas keep you here for? What have you done for him? Well, I have granted insights, I have granted him with gifts, I have granted him with hellish boons and directions towards his strange pursuits, but I don’t see the entirety of his designs. I said, he’s tricksy. You mentioned a green tome. There’s books on the wall here? There. You like books? Oh, I’m sorry, I was thinking that in Zemnian. I’m at the door, but I heard the mention of the tome. Oh. So there’s lots of books on the wall, or just– Not a lot, like, maybe four on a shelf across the way from kinda near where you guys entered to the right. All right, so eyes on that, but also on the door, and Nott was tinkering? I’m just gonna see if it’s locked or if it’s magical, or– Make an Investigation check. 23. 23. The door is locked and it is trapped. Okay. I guess I’ll start untrapping it, or attempt to. Do you remember Halas ever coming through here and going into this door right here? What? This door? This door?
Yes. A few times. Other things come through, big things, collared things, things brought through the door. Do you remember how they opened it? The golems open the door. It opened for them. Maybe Willy can open it. I try to disarm the trap. I rolled a 22. A 22? That’s not that great down here. You fiddle with it for a while and realize the nature of this trap is not a contraption that can be disabled via the tools you have at your disposal. Do I sense that it’s magical or it’s mechanical? Or both. It’s both, mostly magical. Okay. We try maybe. Yeah, mm-hmm. But I have wandered over to look closer at the books on the shelf. Mm-hmm. There are three or four? Yeah. I don’t want to touch, but do they have any writing or markings on them? No binding on them. No binding. I’m sorry, no like–
No words. No words on the binding. Right, and one of them is green, as this thing– Correct. I’m not touching that one. As you’re walking towards the books, you see the creature kinda looks excitedly in your direction. Ah, that one, that one, fourth page in, I believe. I left you a present there, a little poem. You’ll like it. You’ll like it. I’m going to cast Zone of Truth, over the demon. Okay.
The devil. All right. I think they’re immune, aren’t they? We’ll find out. Pretty sure.
She’ll know. Okay, and what’s the DC? 17.
17? He’s crazy, maybe his Charisma’s low now. No, it works. It works? The spell worked? Yeah, he’s truthful. What should I ask him? His name.
What do you want to ask him? How to get in. You really don’t remember how to get into that room? I don’t, it’s been a while. I was not granted with all of the knowledge of Halas, just the bits I tried to take to turn on him. Will any of those books hurt our friend if he touches them? Will this book unleash you? This book. This green one that I’m not touching? That green one is a special one to me. Will it let you out? It’s a special one to me. (laughing) Yeah. What does it do? It contains a poem. What kind of poem? A poem that’s written in my language. What does the poem say? I cannot say it. It’s a gift for others. What were saying? I don’t know my name. Wow. Let him rot a little bit longer. I return to the door. Will any of these books hurt us if we touch them? No, they help. The green one helps. The poem helps. What about the other ones? I don’t care for the others. Will they hurt us? I don’t know what’s in those books. The green one’s the one that’s fun. (laughing) I speak a single arcane word and cast Knock on the door. Okay. Roll a d20 and add your Intelligence modifier. Ooh. That’s been rolling real well. That is 26. Boom, you hear this heavy impact knocking sound, like someone had taken a giant hammer to a metal door. And with that, (clicking).
(gasps) The door opens, trap also seemingly disabled at the same time. Oh. Hand out the paper. We already did, yeah.
Okay. Teach me how to read and write. Just kidding, I’m very smart. (laughing) Don’t go in there, things don’t come back from there, you won’t come back, I need your help to bring me the poem and read it for me. Are you guys leaving? We’re walking towards the door. Just quickly read the poem. No. I’m going to– I might read it to you if you tell me what it does. I need someone to read it for me so I could remember things. I feel so bad for him. Can we block the door so it doesn’t shut? I can, if it’s got a keyhole. Well lock it so it doesn’t shut? No, block it.
Oh, block it. Yeah, and what do we see beyond the door? Because so many passages here are dimensional warps. Beyond this, this has like a set of stairs, it looks like, that descend downward about 100 or so feet, where you see another door, or door frame. You’re not able to see much beyond that. Walls on either side of the steps, or just space? Open space. Yeah. Oh shit.
The best. Makes me wanna fucking shit my pants. Terrible. That was in your Spooktacular. Open space, open space. I think we should move on. Good to move?
Where are you going? We’ll be back. Back soon, please don’t leave me. We are just going to get some help. Don’t. Time is relative. Leave me, time, time, ah, it’s that word again. I’ll go through the door and down the stairs. Yeah. I follow Fjord. Right as I’m leaving I sing him ♪ The Ruby of the Sea is the best lay ever ♪ Just so he has a little ditty to hum as we– There’s like a pause. (laughing) That’s a good one. Did you tell the horned devil the name of your mother? It’s not her real name. I’m gonna give myself something to chew on so I don’t speak. Oh, that’s a real good idea. This is gonna be really hard, you guys. Oh Jesus. I take my belt, off of that idea, I tie it around my mouth. Also before we go in, I’m gonna cast Light, and I’m also going to cast… I’m gonna cast (mumbling). Disguise Self to look like Halas. Does that stay up, though? Yeah, that’s just on. Is that not a spell that– This is very low level. It’s a low level spell. It’s before we’re going in. Okay. It’s not gonna be attracted to the spell, right? It’s literally something I can biologically do it. Okay. All right. It’s not even a spell slot. You descend the stairs. Can I have a marching order, please? I guess I’m in the front. Fjord in the front. Behind Fjord.
Beauregard. I’ll be behind Beau.
All right. I’ll go last ’cause I was singing him the song. Is Willy carrying the body?
Mm-hmm. I thought Caduceus was carrying the body. Willy’s got the body. Wouldn’t be good if we Halas was carrying Halas. Oh, yeah, no. Fjord’s in the front, Beau’s after Fjord. Put me anywhere. Nott’s in the middle. Jester, where are you? I’m in the back. You’re in the back. So that means Caduceus and Caleb are kind of with the rear. Yeah, I held back with Willy and Jester. Okay. So probably back there with you guys. You got it, okay. So, as you descend the staircase, it’s a very weird feeling here, being able to look off, and it’s not just like blackness, you can see distant stars, and as such it feels, as you’re about halfway there, you begin losing sense of like, up and down almost? You’re not sure if it’s rotating or not. You can see slight shifting of the stars and begin to feel yourself almost like leaning to one side, which begins to throw you off balance, and you have to kinda like, get low and hold onto the stone, it’s like going across a very very high, very thin bridge, and it leaves you feeling really uncomfortable. You come to the bottom of the stairs, and one by one enter, emerging from this doorway portal, and you arrive in a cold dark room that is circular, about 60 feet across, and seemingly crafted from like a dark, slate-colored brushed steel that forms the walls in this cylindrical chamber between a granite floor and the ceiling. A single, wide staircase seems to descend from the other side of the chamber, from where you entered, from your current position, while two low flickering torches burn on the left and right sides of the room. Other than that, it’s blank. We see anything going up? Nope, but you look up and you see a familiar stone relief, similar to the one you saw in that first chamber you arrived, of the mage hunter golem, currently sealed and held in stasis about 40 feet in the air above you. I will mush into Nott and stealthily point towards the stairs, the top of the descending staircase. Okay, I’ll scurry forward and scan for any traps. Make an Investigation check. Investigation or Perception, because– 19. 19? No traps, just stairs that head further down. All right, I’ll start down the stairs. Okay, you guys follow? Mm-hmm. All right. Heading down to the second floor, the stairs continue downward, and where you would assume a tower would be, you know, a spiral staircase, this just goes down and down and down, and the circular chamber that you enter again is at an angle, and there’s now across the way a mirrored set of stairs that continues further down to another floor at this angle. However, this chamber is even colder than the previous one, and the air itself seems heavier. Breathing is slightly more labored, thick, like there’s a lot of moisture, but there isn’t. The room is similar in shape, makeup to the previous, though an odd stack of heavy duty cases and chests made of a solid dark material are kind of clustered to the right and left sides of the chamber, where the torches were previously. Your eyes now begin to kind of focus on the space around you now, from the firelight that’s flickering, and the air itself around you you can see carries tiny near-invisible particles, like dust. Inhaling doesn’t cause the particles to move near you or away from you when you exhale. Moving your hands displaces them, but the air doesn’t seem to shift them. I’m gonna write down, ooh, ooh! I bet that those chests hold all the stuff that people have gotten taken away from them! I’ll point to it and give a thumbs up. (laughs) Go steal it. I show it to the rest of the group. Okay, I’ll go over and pick a lock on the box. Okay. You approach them, as you get close, you can see, they’re all like a deep, deep jet black material, and as you get close, you can see the sheen on them is slightly greenish. Hmm. It’s actually the same material that you saw some of the golem ingots that you had there, and you saw the heavy door in the king’s cage was made from, adamantite. So they are pretty heavy duty boxes. Ew. But they are locked. I’ll try to pick one. Go for it, make a lockpicking check. What is that? (laughs) What are you doing, Nott? I’m gonna try to pick it, I don’t know what that means. I write down– Check for traps. Traps, brah. (laughing) What’d you roll? 19. A 19. I got what you were doing. I’m gonna start backing up from this. Yeah, back up, we all back up. Okay. Caleb gesticulating madly, just trying to show explosions with his hands. Okay, you (clicking). It doesn’t unlock. Oh. I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. (laughing) Eight. No, 11. (sighs) Oh boy. Oh no. Is this gonna be like a Vex’ahlia moment? Oh. Hold on a second. “Oh.” “Oh?” Can’t heal you in here. Mm-mm. We can feed him a potion.
Yeah. Nope. Very sorry, my apologies, there is no saving throw. Oh. You watch as Nott is working at the box, there’s that click sound, and there’s this kind of bit of shadow that just kind of (gasps) drifts off of the body as Nott collapses. In that same shit. Time is a flat circle. The box also (poofs) vanishes. I drop down and start gently shaking. No breath. I scoop her up and start quietly going back up the stairs. Yeah, we gotta go back. I’ll follow. Yeah, same, same. All right, you guys back into the chamber. Back so soon? Shut up. What is problems? Spare the Dying. Is she sleeping? Spare the Dying. It has no effect. I mean, it is a– Revivify, Revivify.
It’s a stability. That’s if they’re at zero hit points. Right.
Oh. Nott is not alive. Revivify, cast Revivify! I have Revivify, I have a thing, I’m going to cast Revivify. You do the Revivify? And you have the diamond. And I have the diamond. Me and Caduceus both, he gave me one right before we came in here. Okay. Which diamond is it, just to be sure, burning the right one? ‘Cause we can do the fast one, because it’s been real quick. Okay. Which one’s the fast one? 500 gold. Wait, no, you need the–
Revivify. Revivify’s the 500 gold one? Yeah, the 300 gold is for Revivify, I don’t give a fuck, I’m just using it. Well, I’ve got the 300, so yeah, we can go ahead, yeah, and do it.
Okay. A tense moment passes. This is inside the circle bound chamber, correct? You guys said to do it. Yeah, we didn’t fully say we were going back to the study, so sure, it’s in the circle bound chamber. It’s up to you, you can take him in the study if you want. I don’t, if there’s time, because it has to be under a minute. Has under a minute, so what would you do? I would just drop and do it in the circle bound. Yeah. So, in the middle of this chamber, beyond where the containment circle is, you reach down, grasp the symbol of the Traveler, and as you place the diamond onto the chest of Nott’s currently lifeless body, you see the diamond crumple black and turn to dust.
No, no, no, no. As the dust kind of drifts away, you see the hand of the Traveler kind of catch it in the air and then place it onto the chest of Nott’s body. The hand kind of gives one hard push on Nott’s chest, and in that moment, you watch Nott’s body (gasps), come back to consciousness. Oh man. Check for traps. That’s what you were saying.
Yeah, yeah. It’s what we tell you every time. I don’t know what– Also, yeah, look, we’re in a terribly dangerous place. Maybe we just look for Yussa. That’s fine. Check for traps all the time, okay? Okay, okay. The last thing you remember was like trying to unlock it, and then hearing like a word or a phrase said in your head, and you can’t remember what it was. But that’s the last thing you remember. It was strange. A phrase. (sighs) Halas.
Okay, okay. Do you still want what you want? Yes. Well don’t do that. Well I’m sorry, I– It’s all right, it’s all right. Glad to have you back. Check for traps. All right, all right. I will, I’m sorry. Shall we try again? Mm-hmm. Hey. Welcome back, welcome, welcome. Oh, hi. Hi, bye. Well saved. Quick on the draw you are. So you’ve come back, you said you’d come back and read me a poem. Yeah, we’re gonna go again, sorry. Be right back, promise. False start. Thought we left our keys, we didn’t, we’re good. I start down the stairs. You guys just dart back out. Do I have any hit points? You have one hit point. Oh. Cool cool cool, cool cool cool. (laughing) Should we take an hour rest before we go back in? That’d be good. Wouldn’t be bad for me, in the study. (groans) Max security prison, yeah. Let’s go and rest for an hour so Nott isn’t at one hit point. Yeah, we’re juggling time, but also we’re in a massive death trap. Short rest, then? Yes please. So you’re taking a short rest? In the study, okay. Okay, that’s another day. That’s another day. Just use them all. Of course I’m gonna use them all. It still won’t add up to total. Arcane recovery.
Hmm. Well, I’m good, can I like I guess look around the study or some shit I guess, while they rest? I’m good too, I’ll keep Beau company. Yeah, we’ll take a little library tour. See if we see anything, I’ll look for shit that might be hidden or might not have been found. Just a reminder, don’t touch the stained glass. Yeah. Make an Investigation check. (sighs) Okay. 24. Beyond the chamber entrances that were outlined by Halas when Nott was speaking to him, most of the chamber’s empty. This place was pretty thoroughly rolled. Okay. Can I go up on the platform where I previously touched the glass, and now with everything that we’ve gone through and sort of studied in the Cobalt Soul and learned, does this depiction of different planes mean anything else, show anything else, reveal anything that maybe would’ve been just images before? Make an Intelligence check. Nice. Nah, four. Four. Beyond what you’ve gleaned before, if you wanna make one as well, (mumbling). A low roll. Just a straight Intelligence check? Mm-hmm.
17. 17. Looking at it, it’s a depiction of the inner and outer planes, the connectivity of them seems to have shifted slightly since the last time you looked at it. Oh, it’s moved. Like, it’s the same, you know, symbols, same colors, same elements, but you noticed it’s just some of them have shifted slightly. I flip through my journal, ’cause I took a drawing of it, which I actually did, and I pull it up and I compare. It looks like elements of it are kind of orbiting slowly and you’ve caught it at another point in its orbit. Wow, it’s like a living map. But wait, this is post-Calamity? Hmm, this is pre-Calamity. Pre-Calamity. Or you do not see a divine gate depicted on this. Huh. Yeah, so I imagine the divine gate goes somewhere up there. What? I don’t know, maybe this map is on like a timetable relevant to the happy fun ball. Maybe this is like a, I don’t know. Maybe it’s like a calendar, like a window to the outside. Like frozen in a different time. I don’t know. It’s been a short time in here, perhaps that actually shows where it is outside. Does that make sense, does that make sense? You said the window was pre-Calamity. The window is– What Halas imagined pre-Calamity, designed his fancy window, and now time’s moved on past it. It’s moving, I don’t know. It’s animated. Maybe I’m just– It’s not like an app. It’s like a lenticular. What did you just say? Tickle and lickle? Like a lenticular, you know, the little slightly animated thing. It’s not getting realtime updates. You stare at it for two minutes and suddenly you see a dolphin. Yeah. Ever so slightly. Just let your eyes go cross-eyed. Anyway.
All right. I think I’m overthinking it. Let’s keep going. Let’s go back. Should we try this again? Yep.
Yeah. Let’s not touch anything and– I used a fourth level spell to help cure Nott a bit more. Okay. Hey, you’re alive still. We move straight through the room. We don’t even talk, we go straight through. Okay, move past the other collection of large adamantine chests and boxes that remain– Tie my mouth again.
Okay. Stuff in the boxes. Probably.
Oh well. Licorice stick. Finishing through that chamber, you come to the third floor. This floor, now further revealing the prison tower to be this slightly strange angled arrangement, has a new set of stairs in the same place as the old one. It seems each room itself is just another extension of the previous as far as the design goes. Minor adjustments. One of which being this is the first pair of barred prison cells you’ve come across. There’s two sets of cells, one to the right, one to the left, maybe 20 by 20 feet each, up against the wall on the other side. Both seem to have bodies in them. Glancing over, you can see one is clearly skeletal, been there for some time, while the other is in and advanced state of decay, some of the skin and flesh remaining. The smell is awful. What would you like to do? What does the clothing look like on the one that’s decaying? On both of them, really. Both of them are wearing what you can see were once nice clothes. Nice bits of well-designed attire, though left dusty and now, you know, thick with whatever has decayed through it. You do notice that they both have a collar around their neck, identical to the one that the golem had affixed to you when you guys had encountered it at the tower engine. We move down. Okay. Further down, further down. You move to the fourth floor. Identical to the previous, though each cell in here also contains a new body. One is long dead and rotting while the other appears to just be sleeping, or at least is not moving, similar to how you found Halas’s body. It’s dirty and covered with soot particles. No collar? The color–
Collar. The collar, collar, yes. Both bodies have collars. And their visage is turned away, obscured, or can we tell? It’s low light, if you approach the cell you can probably get a good look at them. I’ll squint through. Can I knock on the bars? If you’d like to. Mm, mm-hmm. (knocking) The bars kinda ring a little bit, the body kinda (gasping). Looks over and you can see, a bit disheveled, bright-eyed and slightly kind of, not coming out of a sleep, but just coming out of rest, a surprised Yussa. (gasps) Points to the collar. Oh, he can’t talk anyway. I write down, “we’re here to break you out.” Fill an entire piece of parchment with the words “check for traps.” (laughing) I will check for traps. Okay. On the locking door. Make an Investigation check. 27. 27. The door is indeed trapped. The manner of the trap seems to not be immediately present. You can see there is some sort of a very very faintly hidden line, like a pulse, similar to what you’ve seen in some of the other glyphs that you see Caleb write or what you’ve seen in the previous Halas’s ritual chamber. But it goes up the bar to the ceiling and then continues up to the previous floor. So it can’t be undone on this floor, or? Meaning you just, you can see that it is trapped, and the nature, what you don’t understand, it is connected to something– See a ley line of energy going upstairs. Got it, got it. Yeah. I’m clear what that means. Okay, so I’ll– Is only the door trapped, or are the bars trapped too? I don’t know, is– The bars are about that far apart, like about an inch and a half, they’re pretty thin. But the bars are not trapped from what you can tell, you’ve only checked the door. Poke Caleb. Are the bars magic? I can only give an estimate and inspect them, I can’t detect anything. Make an Arcana check. Yeah, make an Arcana check. It’s a 29. Looking at the bars, I mean, you don’t see any sort of carvings or runes or anything on them that would belie an enchantment necessarily on them. It seems to be most of the defenses of this particular prison are the entire suffused atmosphere of the prison and the traps based on one you’ve already encountered, as well as the exits to each of these cells. So the bars you do not believe are enchanted in some way. Difference between door and bars is again, I’m sorry? The door opens, the bars don’t. No, I know that. The whole wall is bars.
Yes. It’s all bars, so there’s one section that can open. So there’s a door in a section of it. and that’s the problem part. I bust out my paints. I write down “I think” on a piece of paper and hold it up. I’m gonna pull out my paints. Okay. And I’m gonna try to draw, paint holes in multiple metal bars so I can pull out like a window section of the bars. Okay, so you’re painting as if it was clear? Yeah, I’m painting it like, if there’s like a little gap, right. Basically I’m painting what is behind the bars, so it looks like– Are you doing the Roger Rabbit? Yes.
Yeah, fully. Yeah, I’m trying to. Okay. Paint them away. Make a Performance check. Yeah. I’ll move to the stairwell, keep an eye on the downward stairs. My eyes are darting. It’s touch, okay. Guidance is just touch, so I’m gonna. Okay, I’ll let you either make a Performance check or a Dexterity check, your call. Okay, I’m definitely gonna go– Either you’re practicing and training yourself from a Performance standpoint, or you are– Actually, you’re gonna hate me, Guidance is not just touch. Yes, oh, it’s verbal. Yeah, see.
She would know that, though. Oh, the action, the range is touch. You wouldn’t have done it, so yeah. I wouldn’t have done it, yeah. Okay, fine. Sorry. (groans) Where’s that orange one? What, this one? Yeah. It’s been good. (mumbling) Oh. Good for you. It’s a nine. (laughing) Okay. (laughing) That’s eight.
They both sucked. (laughing) Yeah, but still, it was better than a one. Eight. Okay. You do an okay job. The bars look weakened, but they’re not gonna be an immediate pull out. (grunts) Make a Strength check. 15. 15. (creaking) The bars come out. Yussa immediately kinda like, gets up onto his feet. Steps through the gap you made. I dance around in silence, holding bars in my hand. We need to move. We’re going to book.
Quickly. Okay. You begin to head up the stairs, Yussa following suit. You head up to the next floor. Is the golem above, in the– We’re only on the third floor now. Golem’s on the first.
Not there yet, okay. He’s on the first.
Okay. And he is probably workin’. You head up to the second flooor. Oh yo. Pass the chests and the boxes. Up the first floor. The golem’s still–
In the ceiling? Situated in the ceiling. The fuck out, get the fuck out. Let’s go. All right. You guys head into the circle bound chamber. There as you step in, there you see the horned devil who goes, ah, twice returned, twice returned, twice still now. Shut the door and keep going. Where are you going? Keep rolling. You made a promise to me! We didn’t make a promise. Said we’d come back, but that was all we said. Yeah. Back to the study. (shouts) And begins to just yell loudly. Oh, poor guy. Anguish and frustration. The wings battering against the exterior, the barrier flashing behind you as the exit, Yussa’s like (coughing), trying to cough with the collar still on, he’s like– We remember how to get the thing off, right? Of course, yeah. I’ll check it for traps. Once we’re in the study.
Yeah, in the study. Okay, go for it. 28. It is not trapped. I will try to unlock it. 20, 30. 2030. The collar falls off, and Yussa immediately kinda grabs his neck. Ah, that is much better, thank you, very much. So, thank you, I appreciate this, but we can talk more when we get out of here. Yes, yes, yes. We can go through the, probably we know how to get out through the treasure room. Yes, it might be the way to go. Yeah. He looks back towards the prison, he’s like, they took all of my components and most of the things that I had taken from this last journey through the halls. Well, it’s gonna get weirder once we’re out, ’cause we found something. Mm-hmm. Should we tell him now? I would just hate to leave it all behind. Well, you could try to get it, but it’s super duper trapped, and if you don’t do it, you die and also the thing bamfs away, so possibly it’s already gone, ’cause– We should probably tell him before we go any further. Well, let’s continue on, I’m fine. Ah, wait. You don’t wanna tell him what we’re holding? That’s what I’m doing. I think this is the place to do it, actually. Actually, this might be the best place to do it. What, why? Do you have the map with you still? Yeah. Yussa immediately kinda takes it from and looks at it– We’ve added a little bit that we found. Yeah. Interesting. We also– Why is this the best place to do it? Time is passing really fast. That’s true, we should– Because we gotta talk about it before we get out. Why? I would prefer to enter his domain with some permission. Either he comes out here or he comes out in our world. Or he does not come out at all. Well, that’s a discussion– What are you talking about, if I might ask? We found Halas. He’s the reason we got you out. You found him. Yeah. He did help free you. He wants us to free him. He’s trapped in a gem prison, he’s trapped in this gem prison. There is no honor amongst mages of his ilk. Whatever arrangement you made, do not fulfill it. Why? Or do it at your own folly. I’m not dealing with this thing. No no no, let’s just, you guys. What? Get out of here. That’s fine. Do we leave the gem here? No, we take it with us, and we give it to like, Yussa or Allura, or somebody that’s going to keep it super safe. Yussa, would you be interested in protecting a gem and the body of Halas? No offense, but we gave Yussa the happy fun ball for him to protect, and he got lost in it for an eternity. Do you know how many years have passed? 35 years. (laughing) Make a Deception check. (laughing) We all aged. A natural one. (laughing) Still a powerful wizard, still want him to be our friend. Yussa’s right eyebrow kind of cocks up and goes, well then, I appreciate you taking your sweet time. We would feel inappropriate not at least ruminating on the notion of freeing Halas, considering that he was pretty straight with us in getting you out of here. Oh, he’s been straight, he said what he thought you needed to hear. He created a laboratory full of freaks of nature. He was carving pieces of a heart out so he could live for an eternity. We should not free him. I can say (mumbling) that has lived as long as I have and been amongst mages of his ilk and stronger, at a certain point morality becomes unnecessary. I think we’re fine not releasing him. I think the only question is, we should let you know, we also destroyed the Permaheart in here, but we’ve also made contact with Allura Vysoren. (sighs) Good. Is this something that someone of your group would like to oversee, or should we leave this here? It’s tempting to leave it behind, but I would hate to think what happens if somebody else were to get him within their grasp and make the mistake of releasing him. Hold onto it for now, do not touch it. The fact that he has not taken you over means that this is not what I had assumed it would be. We know that none of you have, at this point Yussa suddenly looks extremely suspicious of all of you. What? What? You think one of us has been turned? We thought that too maybe. But no, everybody has maintained their normal amount of chaotic ridiculousness. It would be pretty impressive if anyone was capable of pretending to be quite as crazy as the rest of us are. Yussa, I would have thought to leave him here. I find it hard to trust anything he’s told us, and I’m wary of carrying him back to our home, if he is able to get out whenever he wants. If he could get out, he would have gone out through one of you already. Maybe he’s in you Caleb and you’re wanting to leave actual Caleb behind. If I know the nature of this. I haven’t touched the gem. If he does not have the means of possessing somebody, and the body is not within a certain radius, dispelling will destroy him. How about we leave the body here, and take the gem with us? And dispel it in the real world? Not dispel it, seal it away. Can I just tell if Yussa seems on the level right now? Make an Insight check. Yeah. I’ll back you up. What does that mean? You get advantage. He’s high balling as well. Yeah, go for it.
Go for it. My Insight sucks. I’m not giving you advantage. Oh, sorry. I can roll as well. I’d say both of you guys roll separately. One. (laughing) 15. 15. Yussa’s already a pretty hard to read person in general, you haven’t seen him quite as frazzled, though for a person who looks as dirty and you know, fresh out of prison, he’s a little more put together than he was when you first found him. Does he smell as bad as Caleb used to? No, elves and humans have very different ways of, (laughing) you know, ripening. Let’s not forget why we came in here in the first place is we’re trying to make friends. We did it, Caleb, and you don’t smell anymore. (laughing) Yes, we are trying to make friends, and are we trying to go out the door that has the dragon’s hoard? Let’s go with the dragon’s hoard and let’s– So we’re leaving the body, taking the gem. We’re listening to the person that we’re gonna be listening to. There’s no chance that this gem will just suddenly magically work. Going to find out, Yussa, I don’t suppose you’ve touched that red pane on the stained glass window, have you? That one there?
Yes. Yes, it’s how I cataloged it on the map. Oh, of course. By the way, did you go through there and already take all of the bounty that was in there? Yes, what do you think is within one of my bags within an adamantine box? Well, one of those boxes. Not all of it, I have, this was not my first trip through here. All right, well let’s go and collect what we can. Oh man, you got a lot, and it all got taken? That’s balls. A lot of it. But I can always come back. You’re gonna come back? Not alone. I’ve only mapped but a small portion of this. (sighs) Yussa, this thing is called The Mage’s Bane or some– Archmage’s Bane.
Yeah. You got sucked into a prison, dragged off by a mage golem, and we came in here, Nott died. Why would you touch something that could potentially hurt you or kill you just out of curiosity? That’s just stupid, man. You’re gonna come back in here? Nice, Nott, that’s well said. Prepared, maybe, if it suits me. Not anytime soon. I’ve learned a few lessons from this experience. Let’s leave here! Time is passing really fast. Everybody up to the platform. Well, a fun idea would be to leave this body in the prison. Like locked in the prison? It doesn’t matter, he can get out. Hmm? The golems aren’t going to imprison his body. They’re trained for his essence. We could leave the body with the fiend, though. Oh. No. That’s kind of fucked up towards the fiend. That’s kinda mean. Well I don’t know, it’s just like, here’s the person that’s been torturing you for 1000 years. He can’t answer anything, just like… (laughing) That is pretty fucked up. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let’s just leave him laying on a table here in the study and I’ll like, put his arm above his head and make him like positioned kind of sexy like. I disagree, this is the easiest room to tolerate in here. Where do you want to put him? I command Willy to take him back through, past the demon, back to the stairway, and I dump him into the stairwell. He’s also still wearing the anti-magic manacles too, so. That’s exciting. The body?
Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, we should get those back. We want those. Do you want those? Yeah, just in case.
Oh, all right. I rifle those off his body. Okay, you retrieve the manacles. Wait, wait. I’m just gonna say, like if we ever need to find out where this body is, could those be used as some sort of a scrying device? Different plane of existence. Okay. Oh no, it works across planes. Does it? No, just messaging. I guess can you scry on a body? Yes. It has to be on the same plane. But it has to be on the same plane. Okay. All right. All right. Let’s go. Double back past the demon. Okay. After the body’s dumped, Willy makes his way back to you. Yussa gets a little impatient and is like waiting for the golem to return and goes, meet me on the other side. Presses the red little island gem on it. He’s impatient now? He has been here for a while. I’m gonna hop as well. I’ll do the same.
Same. All right. Each time it shatters once, and reforms. Shatters again, reforms, each person being pulled into and vanishing into the darkness. One by one you all tumble out of the open space, into the area where the dragon’s lair once was, where you last fought. You can see, the grooves in the ground that lead towards the secondary sphere, the exit sphere you had previously used, still aglow from the last time that you were here. It had not been disabled, because the creature that deals with that was killed. The creature, by the way, corpse, still remains. Oh do you wanna salvage a blue dragon corpse? It’s in the early stages of decay. Nevermind. It hasn’t been an extended period of time. Teeth and claws? Possibly, yeah, teeth and claws will still be there. Teeth worth stuff? Pretty decent consolation prize too. Is there anything lying about? There’s probably like a handful of coins scattered throughout that Yussa didn’t like, vacuum the whole place up. Oh, he’s been in here too already. Yeah, he said. Yeah, is that a Medicine check to remove parts? I’d say go ahead and take a Medicine check with disadvantage because it is a different biology. Can I help out? Sure. I’ll give you advantage. All right. Or a single roll, at least. Or, what? It would be disadvantage and then because– Oh, a single roll. Sorry.
13. 15, okay.
13. 13. It can be done. You would probably need to use, or have some help with Fjord’s weapon as well, or any enchanted dagger as well, and it’ll take you probably a good hour or so to harvest. All right. An hour? We’re gonna waste a day?
Another day? Another day. We’re almost out. Sure.
Sure. Okay. Yussa turns to you and goes, (sighs), if you wish to stay and harvest, you can. I’m going to return home and have a meal. We’ll talk when we return. All right. And he steps over and touches the exit sphere, and you watch his body– Suit him up.
Vanish. Look, I’m only judgey when it comes to me risking myself for them, so, I’m allowed a little. I’m just pointing out, that’s all. Yeah, well. As they’re harvesting, I’m gonna pull Caleb aside. Mm-hmm. And just say, hey, listen, I know you’re pissed at me right now, but if he can help me, isn’t that worth pursuing? I have his books. He’s a very bad man.
I know. Sealed away for tinkering with things he shouldn’t have been. He’s a bad man. I know, but… Okay. What are my other options, though? I have his books. But they’re unfinished, right? Well let’s just put a pin in it, okay? Give me some time to read. Okay. Then we’ll talk to people who know better maybe what to do with an archmage of this magnitude. Okay. Okay. This place killed you. Yeah. He made it. Fashioned it. While they’re harvesting, I’ll go over to Jester and say, I realize the last time we were in here, you were in quite a pinch. You almost died, and I think it’s remarkable that you helped Nott not die. Yeah, well, she helped me out a lot too, when we were in here last time, so. I’m glad you’re here. Thanks Fjord. Glad you are too. Come a long way. Fuck. Ready to go back. Me too. All right. But I kind of don’t want to go back to all of the bad stuff, I just want to like, go back to happy stuff. This was kind of a nice escape, you know? Yeah. I can see why someone would get addicted to living here. Or at least visiting often. Yeah. All right. In the harvesting time, Caleb puts Halas’s books out and is showing them to Nott and saying, this page talks about the jar, and this page, and starts sharing and translating roughly what everything is and sharing everything that’s in those spells and books to try to quell her fears. Okay. In the time it takes for you guys to wait for this, about an hour or so, you manage to harvest from the dragon, whoops. A number of them break and shatter and splinter from not being experienced in this, but you pull nine blue dragon’s teeth. Yep.
Ooh. Nine times. I’ll put that in the haversack. Thank you. Oh, you’re putting it in the haversack? I’ll do it, all right. As well as four claws. Let me negotiate with these. Of course. These are of a younger blue dragon. That’ll do. I’m going to start the, I’m going to decompose on the rest of it. Okay. Immediately you can see the fungus begin to grow over it. Never seen anything like that. Shall we away? Let’s go home. Go to the sphere. All right. One by one, you each place your hand on the exit sphere, feeling that surge of energy, and once more, you emerge as a group in the center of Yussa’s study, where you had entered the heirloom sphere, a number of, what seemed to be only a couple of days ago, but now sits, a much larger period of time has passed here in Exandria. There as soon as you arrive, you can see, Wensforth kinda like (grunting), excuse me, master? And begins shouting down the stairs. You hear footsteps a moment later, and Yussa approaches, now clean, dressed in these long beautiful gold and silver robes, the tan elven skin framing the somewhat warm and delighted smile that he’s trying to hide at seeing you all return. Well, it is very nice to see you all once more. Thank you for everything. I’ve had some time to reflect that you may not have had, but I’m very thankful. Did you call Allura yet? Would you like me to? Yeah. Then I shall. My mustache is all coming off. (laughing) I love how (mumbling). It’s fine now. We’re almost there. He’s stroking his mustache. The whole time, the whole time. I always pick characters with facial hair. So. I could reach to her right now, if you like, and she could come. She did say that she had some curious news and wanted to speak with you on something you had left with her before about this Angel of Irons business. We only spoke briefly, she said she still needed something of yours. Yes, she does, she needs something of Yasha’s. He closes his eyes, and you see his fingers trace a familiar element of the Sending spell. He says, the Mighty Nein have returned, and in one piece. Just a moment. That’s really short. You know you have a lot more words you can use. Yes. (laughing) That’s kind of a waste of magic if you’re not going to use up everything that you could do. You should really say all of it. Being concise is a very useful skill. (scoffing) Jester, did you know that you could send short message? I know I can, but it seems wasteful. It does. He doesn’t even know if she was pooping. Yeah. You could ask so many other things. So many other things! I’ll keep that in mind. (laughing) At which point you hear new footsteps arrive as Allura has apparently teleported to the tower. You can see her in very very nice, very very nice dress. It’s beautiful with jewelry around, her graying hair pulled back into the same braid, but you can see jewels put through, and she goes, terribly sorry, we’re attending sort of a formal event, but this has been gnawing at the back of my mind since you left. Come, come, Yussa, help me clear the floor a bit, and they both kind of begin moving tables and stuff out of the way. Wensforth kinda goes, I’ll just, I’ll go lay down, have a nap, and leaves the chamber. Allura says, as they’re moving stuff out of the way, goes, so, glad you survived, really, remarkable work. If I could have that hand mirror back, if that’s all right? Oh. Are you sure you don’t want to let me keep it? (laughing) I snatch it. Thank you very much. (laughs) We’ll get you a new one. (groans) (laughing) Very much more than meets the eye with these folks. You’ve made some good friends, Yussa. Encountered a few of similar traits in the past. So, I know you mentioned this Angel of Irons, right? I put a bit of research into it. And she moves around the tables over there with Yussa. It appears that word has gotten around in some circles, they’re dealing with the chosen of Betrayers. That is a worry for us all, to be honest. I’d like to perform a ritual that peers past the veils. It will require all of us to partake in it, if you’re comfortable. There is a better chance of success. Perhaps we can shed some light on this plight of yours, and hopefully not, but perhaps the plight of many. Gather some things for me. And Yussa goes, I know exactly what you need. Get that teal orb there, and they start pointing out different things they need you to gather. There’s a teal crystal orb on the southern wall’s fourth shelf, there’s silver cording wound around a hook along the western wall, there is incense being kept in a brass pot on the floor by the desk, and they require a personal effect of the person that they’re attempting to peer through. I’ll go get the orb. I’ll get the hook with the wiring wrapped around it. I’ll get the incense. Who are we trying to peer at? Yasha. Oh. Okay, we got to find, who has something of Yasha’s? Oh shit. Anyone have one of her flowers? Didn’t she give? I gave her, no, she gave me a, shit. I’m looking. Flower crown. Nope, that was from– This veil you’re attempting to peer through. Will they be able to peer back? I certainly hope not. This is more of an information gathering than an actual attempt at scrying or peering at the other side. All right. It’s an involved, more of a custom element of like a Legend Lore type spell. I cannot guarantee it’ll work, but– Flowers? Does it have to be one of her effects or something that she liked? We can certainly try something. Whatever you have. I have a fabric swatch that I found. No, that was– Do we have any of her weapons? Did anyone give her a weapon that she gave back? Did we pick up those bracers she had made? No. I have this drawing that I had done of Yasha a long time ago that she liked. She was holding it, she looked at it, I don’t know if that– We’ll give it a shot. (mumbling) We don’t really have a habit of carrying each other’s shit around. Yeah, but sometimes when we get new stuff– I was also thinking, we didn’t think to grab anything from the house before we left, did we? Did she get a new sword? Did she get a new? She carries both. She carries her old sword with her? Yeah, Magician’s Judge and the big-ass bone cleaver thing. Yeah. I mean, she did just kind of leave– She wasn’t in the habit of carrying a lot of random things. She had the stuff back home. She may have something in the Xhorhouse, yeah. Let’s try the drawing, it’s all we have. Makes me wanna, yeah, hopping to the house and hopping back would be complicated. Yeah. (sighs) And there’s nothing in the room, she didn’t leave anything in it. I’ve gone in the room a lot. I’m gonna look one more time. I really hope it’s enough. If at least you keep an image of her in your mind as part of this ritual, that might aid its chance. And you see now, they’re drawing this large circle, it looks like a circle, but then it sometimes looks like an oval, and different elements connect, and there are points where she begins to point out where each of you sit, but it’s not a continuous circle, it’s kind of odd in its shape. You sit here, and you here, hold hands at this juncture, and you can see, you’re all holding hands, but sometimes it’s like across, and the connection, it’s a strange, mangled… She asks Yussa to go ahead and light the incense. He goes ahead and takes the crystal and places it in the center of the ritual. Now think to your friend, think to this entity, this Angel of Irons. Will it to reveal itself through your connection to your friend, and let it show us itself without obfuscation. All right? She waves her hand the chamber window shuts closed, cutting off the sunlight. Yussa snaps his fingers and a lot of the candles kind of open up around the chamber. I mean I can too, but it’s fun to see someone else do it. I think you did that the first time we met. I know. It goes to show, like, I’m super powerful. As you all take hands and begin to focus, concentrating, Allura begins to recite this incantation. Incantation moves from an old draconic, to elements of common, to cold draconic, to elements of common. Speaking of looking beyond the veil of what exists and instead call the memory and knowledge of the worlds beyond, current, past, let it all come and reveal what may stand before the future. Let all shadows be cast aside. Let all wisdom pierce the veil and reveal the true nature of what it is we seek. As you all begin to focus and concentrate, you can see smoke begins to swirl around you and gather. It’s kinda like low dark fog that kinda settles around your knees and then begins to take over your torso, where you can almost barely see your hands beneath the surface of it brimming. What little bit of light from the peeking element of the windows, and the crackling candlelight begins to darken and subside. In this darkness, you can see tendrils of similar type dark smoke swirling between your linked arms as shapes begin to gather from them into chains. Chains that pull and bind between you in odd ways. Many chains, loose then taut. Loose, then pulled taut again. The chains all begin to gather again in the center circle as Allura begins to chant louder and louder. Wind begins to pick up sourcelessly, blowing each of your hair into a bit of a mist of tangle. All of the chains gather in a circle, binding to something. You see a shape, female in form, in the center of you all rising from the smoke. You see it take the form of Yasha, held in these chains that wrap between you, as they continue to rise above her. A cloud of sparks, bruise above her head, while the chains gather, formless and writhing. Allura stops her chanting and looks up to it, her eyes squinting against the intensity of this wind wrapping around her. Something divine watches over her, but it is held at bay by this angel… (laughing) That was bound to happen. It’s stuck on your beard. (laughing) I got it. Yeah! Still looking good. (sighs) What could possibly… Concentrate harder. Show us. Reveal the form of her captor. You all begin to tighten your grip and focus even stronger on her. The writhing cluster of chains begin to separate, and in that space where she was, her form vanishes, and left behind it is a black, lightless void. The chains that were tangled once begin to fall into place. Seven points, seven segments around the pit of darkness, endless, yet living. It’s strange to look in the blackness of light and feel the emptiness, but this, you look into this emptiness you feel something immense. Something old. Something mad. A deep, guttural shout quakes the room. (roars) The ritual shattered, the windows break on the tower, light filters in, the candles are out, and all of you feel your arms thrust apart, breaking the connection. (panting) This thing you chase is loose. She looks to Yussa, Yussa goes, there is no Angel of Irons. It is a guise for the Chained Oblivion. Oh. For Tharizdun. The terrible mad god of endless hunger and destruction. It masquerades its efforts for freedom by this angel’s name. He looks to Allura, and Allura looks to all of you. This is a terrible portent. I must inform the council. And that’s where we’re gonna go ahead and leave off the episode. (sighing) Pick up there next week. Fucking shit. Oh my god.
Cool, cool, cool. Was doing okay, yep? Yeah, that makes sense. I’ve seen the imagery in the book about the Chained Oblivion. I haven’t. It really sucks. Chained Oblivion in the house. This guy has been whispered since the start of this campaign. Oh my gosh. Just looking into the darkness of the void shattered the ritual. It may be, or it could’ve been timing. You don’t know. Or someone burped. That was you. Boy oh boy. Regardless, we’ll pick up there next week. Oh my god. Oh my goodness! And we’re carrying around Halas in a gem? Yeah, we’ll give it to Allura. He’s not leaving this tower. Great job, Matt. Holy shit!
Guys. Happy fun ball. Happy fun ball. Four sessions in the happy fun ball, Jesus. Ready for more! Coulda done more. Yeah, all this– Kinda wanna do the carving farm, kinda wanna see the cave. Landing there, you never saw the– I wanna see the bedroom. Crystal caves.
Yeah. Yeah, wanna see that sex bot. We found another room. We went off the map. You did. We added to the map. There are a number of off the map rooms in there that weren’t found. Little sad, but also I think four sessions is enough in there. (laughing) We’ll be back. Level 15 we’ll come back or something. All right, next week. Yeah, high doom. Happy Halloween, everybody. (cast cheering) Thank you for joining us. Don’t forget we love you very much and is it Thursday yet? Good night. (cast howling) (dramatic music)