How unpleasant people help us find peace


Contemplating annoying people can actually
help us make peace with ourselves. Here’s what I mean. I was watching reruns of The
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I mean, maybe you know, Will Smith plays himself. He’s a
wise guy. He cracks jokes all the time. He doesn’t take anything very seriously,
which is all very fun and amusing to watch, but when I saw that he didn’t take
seriously his studies… He’s got, you know, this uncle, Uncle Phil, who is ready to
pay for his studies at a top-notch school. And Phil, er, Will just wants to chase
girls. He just wants to crack jokes and get into trouble and have fun. And I think that watching this character made me maybe think a little
too far, but I felt like, “Wow, I would totally jump on that opportunity to just
go after, you know, full-on my studies. Why isn’t he taking it more seriously?” I
mean, it’s just Will Smith doing his thing, but it made me think further about
how we tend to project onto other people what we don’t like about ourselves. So
Will was actually teaching me indirectly about a part of myself that I’ve
disowned, which is this fun, silly, crazy side that I had a really hard time
coming to terms with as a little kid and even into my university studies. I just
took everything so seriously because I had learned as a kid that it was just
much better to put my intelligence up as my facade and put all my silly side, my
crazy, wacky stuff on the side because it just would attract more
mockery and ridicule from my peers. So unfortunately when we disown
parts of ourselves that we’re not happy about because we’ve learned that something like intelligence would procure more approval from your
loved ones. Unfortunately we disowned those parts of
ourselves, but they’re always there and they’re waiting for us to express their
energy, not necessarily in the real world but in a safe way like journaling and
making art. It’s like our disowned selves have their own energy and their
own life. And if we don’t approve of them, if we don’t give attention to them, they
have a way of wreaking havoc in our lives. So I encourage you to think about
this, think about what annoys you the most about the people you detest. Is it
their arrogance? Is it their, I don’t know, their egocentric side?
Something that you’ve learned maybe in your childhood that should be
forgotten about, that would make you look bad in the eyes of people you loved.
Because all of this… I mean, we’re all a whole spectrum of emotions. We’re all
these different selves. Maybe you don’t realize this, but when we disown
any parts of ourselves, we’re creating more harm in the long term because we
don’t accept ourselves the way they are, the way we are. So think about what
annoys you the most. Use this as a practical exercise to get to know
yourself better. Please don’t judge yourself and certainly shame will come
up, guilt will come up. But it’s more of a practice to get to know yourself. That’s
how I prefer to see it and to get a bigger perspective as to what you don’t
accept in the world is actually something that you don’t accept about
yourself. And it’s all unconscious, so if you’ve hurt people in the past or you’ve
just sabotaged yourself because you’ve disowned parts of yourself, try to be
gentle and breathe deeply. Journal about it. Talk to someone you trust. And just
hold yourself in that space to just finally accept
this forgotten part of yourself. It’s not going to harm you. It seems maybe
dangerous in the moment, but it’s just a small part of yourself that just
needs to be loved and accepted. Alright, I hope this helps. If you have any
questions, please leave them in the comments below. I’d love to hear. I’m Annie,
life coach and founder of Hushyourmind.com. Be well and take care.

1 thought on “How unpleasant people help us find peace

  • Spill it: what irritates you the most in other people? It's often something you don't accept about yourself! 😳

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