Hungry For Power Games: Republican National Convention Edition


>>Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THESE CONVENTIONS CAN BE FUN TO
WATCH, BUT FOR THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IT IS A BLOOD SPORT
THAT WE JUST WATCH. IT IS BARE-KNUCKLE BRAWLING. IT’S LIKE THE HUNGER GAMES. NO, IT’S WORSE THAN THAT. IT’S — THE HUNGRY FOR POWER
GAMES! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
♪ HA HA! I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE 2016
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES! QUICKEN LOANS ARENA, NAMED FOR A
MONEY LENDER SO YOU KNOW IT’S RUTHLESS! CACALIGULA, LET’S GO! THIS YEAR’S POWER GAMES ARE A
BIG TENT. OF COURSE, ALL RACES AND CREEDS
ARE W WELCOME THIS YEAR, UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO UP TO THE
EXECUTIVE SUITES, IN WHICH CASE YOU WILL WANT TO USE THE WHITE
ELEVATORS. (LAUGHTER)
HA HA! WELCOME TO THE ARENA, CITIZENS! SO GRAND, IT CAN ALMOST HOLD
DONALD TRUMP’S ENTIRE HEAD. (LAUGHTER)
WHAT’S THAT? YES, YES! OH, OH! LET’S GO! THE RED CARPET, OF COURSE, IS
HERE TO HIDE THE RIVERS OF BLOOD THAT WILL EVENTUALLY POUR DOWN
FROM THE CORNUCOPIA, WHEN DONALD TRUMP, FLANKED BY HIS TWO
EUNICKS TAKE THE STAGE, PAUL RYAN AND REINCE PREVIOUS WHO
CLEARLY CHECKED THEIR BALLS AT THE FRONT DOOR. ONE SEAT WAS SAVED FOR CHRIS
CHRISTIE TO HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE VIEW OF THE END OF HIS
CAREER. YOU WOULDN’T MIND. THERE YOU GO. FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO
OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH — WHO WROTE THAT? THAT’S FRESH! EXCUSE ME.>>I’M ABOUT TO GO LIVE.>>Stephen: I APOLOGIZE. THEY LED TEL — LET TELEMUNDO IN
HERE?>>YES.>>Stephen: ANSWER A QUESTION
FOR ME — (SPEAKING SPANISH)
— DONALD TRUMP OR HILLARY CLINTON?>>NO COMMENT.>>Stephen: IS THAT SPANISH? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. (SPEAKING SPANISH)
>>Stephen: SOUNDS DELICIOUS BUT I’M FULL. NORTH CAROLINA STAGED THEMSELVES
STEEKCALLY NEXT TO THE BOOTHROOMS SO THEY CAN CHECK
PEOPLE’S GENITALIA BEFORE THEY CAST THEIR BALLOTS. I HAVE A WEASEL IN MY PANTS. CHUCK TODD! HAVE MATT LAUER WASHED AND
BROUGHT TO MY TENT! MY WEASEL WANTS TO MAKE LOVE TO
YOUR GOATEE! MEANWHILE, LIBERAL WASHINGTON
STATE POSITIONED ITSELF NEXT TO THE BATHROOMS MALE, FEMALE AND
PIS RIDATE. ANYTHING GOES! ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO AND ON
THE ONE THING I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
2016 HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES! HA HA! BEAUTIFUL! THIS WEEK IN THIS ARENA, THE
REPUBLICANS HAVE PROVED THEY ARE TRULY PASSIONATE ABOUT ONE
CANDIDATE, HILLARY CLINTON! THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING TO STOP
HER UP TO AND INCLUDING NOMINATING DONALD J. DONATE
JAMISON TRUMP! BUT TRUMP WILL NOT ENTER THE
ARENA ALONE, NO! HE HAS FORMED AN ALLIANCE WITH
INDIANA GOVERNOR MIKE PENCE! (LAUGHTER)
SORRY, I BLACKED OUT THERE FOR A MOMENT. SO IT IS MY HONOR TO HEREBY
LAUNCH AND BEGIN THE 2016 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL HUNGRY FOR
POWER GAMES! LOOK, LOOK, I KNOW I’M NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE UP HERE, BUT LET’S BE HONEST, NEITHER IS
DONALD TRUMP! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF
OUR LIVE CONVENTION SPECIALS!
STICK AROUND!

100 thoughts on “Hungry For Power Games: Republican National Convention Edition

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *