Something Is Seriously Wrong: Bill Barr Refused To Publicly Defend Trump On Ukraine


WELCOME ONE AND ALL, DOWN HERE,
UP THERE, OUT THERE, TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW, I’VE BEEN PRETTY HARD ON THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, BUT
I’M A SUCKER FOR A LOVE STORY, AND WE JUST FOUND OUT THAT ENIOR
WHITE HOUSE POLICY ADVISER, AND MAN WHO BETRAYS THE CREW IN
EVERY SPACE MOVIE, STEPHEN MILLER, IS GETTING MARRIED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW. LOVE IS TRULY BLIND. ( LAUGHTER )
I’D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE HAPPY? COUPLE. IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT,
THEY’RE REGISTERED AT… AND IT JUST SAYS, “SNAKES.” ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.>>Jon: SNAKES, OKAY.>>Stephen: ALL RIGHT. STEPHEN MILLER MIGHT BE THE ONLY
ONE WHO’S HAPPY AT THE WHITE HOUSE RIGHT NOW. I’LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
IN TONIGHT’S INSTALLMENT OF “DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH.” ( CHEERING )
>>THE BIGGEST LIE EVER FOISTERED UPON THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE.>>STEPHEN: THE BIG NEWS TODAY
IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THE HOUSE COULD WRAP UP IMPEACHMENT BY
CHRISTMAS. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
( CHEERING ) WELL, IF THAT’S TRUE, THEN I
AGREE WITH TRUMP ON ONE THING:>>WE’RE SAYING MERRY CHRISTMAS
AGAIN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS, JON.>>Jon: MERRY CHRISTMAS. HAPPY NEW YEAR.>>Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO
YOU, TOO. EVER SINCE TRUMP RELEASED THE
TRANSCRIPT OF HIS “PERFECT PHONE CALL,” HE’S BEEN LOOKING FOR
SOMEONE TO HELP CONVINCE US THAT IT DOESN’T SAY WHAT IT SAYS. ENTER ATTORNEY GENERAL AND MAN
JUST REALIZING HE DIDN’T GET INVITED ON THE HUNTING TRIP,
BILL BARR. LAST NIGHT, WE LEARNED THAT
AFTER THE UKRAINE SCANDAL BROKE, TRUMP ASKED BARR TO HOLD A NEWS
CONFERENCE STATING THAT NO LAWS WERE BROKEN IN HIS CALL WITH
UKRAINE’S PRESIDENT. MR. BARR DECLINED. BILL BARR REFUSED TO PUBLICLY
DEFEND THE PRESIDENT? SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG. THAT’S LIKE NICHOLAS CAGE
TURNING DOWN A MOVIE ROLE. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME THAT BARR HAS DISTANCED HIMSELF FROM
THIS SCANDAL. WE KNOW FROM THE ROUGH
TRANSCRIPT THAT ON TRUMP’S CALL WITH THE UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT,
TRUMP OFFERED ZELENSKY THE SERVICES OF BARR TO AID THE
INVESTIGATIONS OF BIDEN AND HIS SON, BUT AFTER THE TRANSCRIPT
WAS RELEASED, A BARR SPOKESWOMAN SAID THAT BARR AND TRUMP HAD
NEVER DISCUSSED THAT. YOU KNOW TRUMP DIDN’T LIKE THAT. (AS TRUMP)
“COME ON, BILLY, YOU CAN’T THROW ME UNDER THE BUS. FIRST OF ALL, I’M HARD TO THROW. ( LAUGHTER )
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GRIP, AND I’M GREASED UP LIKE A PRIZE HOG.” ( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE SURE A STORY ABOUT TRUMP
IS TRUE, AND THAT’S IF HE RAGE-TWEETS HIS DENIAL: “BILL
BARR DID NOT DECLINE MY REQUEST TO TALK ABOUT UKRAINE. THE STORY WAS A FAKE ‘WASHINGTON
POST’ CON JOB WITH AN ‘ANONYMOUS’ SOURCE THAT DOESN’T
EXIST. JUST READ THE TRANSCRIPT. THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ALREADY
RULED THAT THE CALL WAS GOOD. WE DON’T HAVE FREEDOM OF THE
PRESS!” I’M NOT SURE WHAT TO MAKE OF
THAT LAST SENTENCE. IS THAT A COMPLAINT? OR AN EXECUTIVE ORDER? (AS TRUMP)
“WE DON’T HAVE FREEDOM OF THE PRESS! WRITE THAT DOWN. ( LAUGHTER )
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, WE’RE ALSO GETTING RID OF THAT ONE WHERE WE
CAN’T COVET OTHER PEOPLE’S WIVES. ( LAUGHTER )
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CHICK JARED’S WITH? EXACTLY MY TYPE.”>>Jon: OH! WHOA! ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: BASED ON A TRUE
STORY. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP TWEETED ON, “YEARS AGO, WHEN MEDIA WAS LEGITIMATE,
PEOPLE KNOWN AS ‘FACT CHECKERS’ WOULD ALWAYS CALL TO CHECK AND
SEE IF A STORY WAS ACCURATE. NOWADAYS, THEY DON’T USE ‘FACT
CHECKERS’ ANYMORE, THEY JUST WRITE WHATEVER THEY WANT!”
HM, NO ONE USES FACT CHECKERS ANYMORE. A BOLD CLAIM. I WONDER IF IT’S TRUE. FACT CHECKERS?>>YEAH. IT’S TRUE. LAUGH ALL RIGHT, THAT CHECKS
OUT. TRUMP HELD ANOTHER MAGA-KAG
RALLY LAST NIGHT, THIS TIME IN LOUISIANA, TO SUPPORT REPUBLICAN
GUBERNATORIAL CHALLENGER EDDIE RISPONE, WHO’S TRYING TO TAKE
DOWN DEMOCRATIC INCUMBENT… I’M GOING TO SAY, CLONE OF EDDIE
RISPONE? ( LAUGHTER )
WHOEVER TRUMP WAS THERE TO SUPPORT, HE MADE SURE TO PLAY TO
THE CROWD.>>SO IS THERE ANYPLACE YOU
WOULD RATHER BE THAN AT A TRUMP RALLY, ON A BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL
EVENING IN LOUISIANA? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>STEPHEN: LET’S SEE, PLACES I’D RATHER BE THAN A TRUMP
RALLY? THE D.M.V., THE DENTIST, SOMEONE
ELSE’S CHILD’S CLARINET RECITAL, A SOVIET GULAG, COVERED IN HONEY
AND STAKED TO AN ANTHILL, SLIDING DOWN A 50-FOOT RAZOR
BLADE INTO A BATHTUB OF GIN, AND IN A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS A LOT ABOUT BITCOIN. THE PRESIDENT COULDN’T GO HOME
— ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GO ON! ( PIANO RIFF )
THE PRESIDENT COULDN’T GO HOME WITHOUT REMINDING EVERYONE OF
HOW MANY PEOPLE VOTED FOR HIM IN 2016.>>DON’T FORGET, IN 2016, PEOPLE
CAME FROM THE MOUNTAINS AND THE VALLEYS AND THE RIVERS AND THE
OCEANS. THEY CAME FROM ALL OVER? THE DEMOCRATS SAID, WHAT THE
HELL IS HAPPENING? WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING
FROM?>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“YES, ALL MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERS WERE RISING FROM THE OCEANS: THE
KRAKEN, GODZILLA, THE LITTLE MERMAID, BO DEREK, THAT FISH GUY
WHO WON THE OSCAR FOR SEX.” “HE DID, RIGHT? I DIDN’T SEE IT. I JUST SAW — BAD SEX .” ( LAUGHTER )
THEN TRUMP HAD SEVERAL GUESTS, INCLUDING LOUISIANA SENATOR AND
NOT THAT JOHN KENNEDY, JOHN KENNEDY, WHO SAID THIS ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP:>>SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI IS
TRYING TO IMPEACH HIM. (BOOS)
I DON’T MEAN ANY DISRESPECT, BUT IT MUST SUCK TO BE THAT DUMB.>>STEPHEN: SHHH, HE’S STANDING
RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DON’T UNDERSTAND, JON!>>Jon: HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HIM. HE WAS RIGHT THERE!>>Stephen: TRUMP’S OTHER BIG
GUESTS LAST NIGHT WERE THE GUYS FROM “DUCK DYNASTY:”
>>THANK YOU, FELLAS. TWO GREAT GUYS. THEY WERE WITH ME RIGHT AT THE
BEGINNING. I SAID WHO ARE THEY, THEY SAID
THEY ARE TWO BIG TELEVISION STARS. I SAID, WOW, AND I STARTED
WATCHING A LITTLE BIT. A LOT OF WISDOM THERE. ( LAUGHTER )
>>STEPHEN: YEAH, “DUCK DYNASTY” IS LOADED WITH WISDOM LIKE THIS:
>>I’M LIKE ARETHA FRANKLIN. I DON’T GET NO R-S-P-E-C-T
AROUND THIS JOINT.>>STEPHEN: WOW. I DON’T KNOW HOW I’D DESCRIBE
THAT LEVEL OF WISDOM.>>IT MUST SUCK TO BE THAT DUMB. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: OKAY, THANK YOU, SENATOR. THANK YOU.

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