THE (almost) PERFECT RUN!! | 60 Seconds #5


Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome back to “60 Seconds”. Now, I realise what I was doing wrong in the other episode and it’s- it’s not entirely obvious what I was doing wrong. It is simply a matter of fact that I didn’t give up my fricking… thing that I needed to give up and I know I didn’t but it was not my fault because they’re stupid and… I…I needed to give up my gun and I’m actually talking kinda in a sporastic way because I need to get the things that I need to geeeeeet… and we’re gonna GEEEEET ’em! Druh-buh-buh Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh go go go go go go go go go go go go go rab-a-dub rab-a-dab rab-a-dab rab-a-dab rab-a-dab rab-a-dab rab-a-dab rab-a-dab Get wife! Get in mah pocket! Please! I need you Eeeeeehhhhh! Inside of meeee! Okay. Get the daughter. Why’s the daughter gotta be so big Maybe I could just forget about the daughter for now Aw why’s that take up two spots!? Oh dammit dammit dammit dammit I needed more water I needed more water i don’t even have the MAAP WHERE’S THE GODDAMN MAAAP? Oh crap where’s the maaap? Crap! Oh crap oh crap oh crap! Oh come on! Did I get the map? Did I get it? I don’t know if I got it. Did I get it? I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything I got My mind totally blanks out there What did I get? Day one Crap! Okay, I got the map, I got the scout manual, I got the briefcase, I got… Okay! We’re good. Okay. We’re good. We’re good. Okay, this is actually OK All of us made it in. We’ve got one extra can of soup We’ve got ANOTHER extra can of soup. We’ve got plenty cans of soup Because apparently I didn’t grab any soup! But we’re fiiiiiine! Okay… We’re gonna make it this time. We’re gonna go on a butt-load of expeditions, We’re only gonna cure people when they need to be cured, We’re gonna make sure that people don’t go insane. This is gonna be the one! I can definetly feel it. I can feel it my bones I can feel it in my butt They gave us an axe! Nice! Okay. Good Good good good good good. No expeditions just yet. Oh we could go on an expedition because we… No it’s too dangerous to go on an expedititon We’re not gonna make ’em go on an expedition We’re not gonna do that ’till after the radiation clears up because we got enough food to be able to last us a while. Why is the gun an option? that was like the fun screen. Like, ‘Let’s do something fun!’ And the GUN was an option! That has some very serious implications that I don’t…ooh okay… So… I’m gonna prep for a trip and then everyone’s gonna get fed tomorrow And then, someone’s gonna go outside because I think the radiation has died down but just in case, ‘Great news! The fallout outside is mostly gone. It should be much safer to travel on the surface now. thats good Everyone gets supplies, and then Dolores, who is a CHAMPION is gonna go out there and its gonna be just fine She’s gonna go with the gas mask because I believe I’m not 100% sure on this one but I believe the gas mask will help her fight off any diseases. I don’t even know how we get diseases down here, unless we’re all breathing in fumes from the bucket n’ takin’ bucket baths, which is gonna be BAD! Let’s see… ‘We should probably keep busy with something to keep us occupied before it gets worse.’ Let’s see… ‘We did! the photo we were’- Okay, apparently… Apparently, we were looking for a photo of a relative and we… kept it in the pages of the Boy Scout- I’m assuming that keeps us from going insane, and that’s good. ‘If we care about the future of our kids, we need to start homeschooling Timmy- or maybe shelter-schooling is the right choice of words. We need to provide him with some reading material as soon as possible.’ Boy Scout Handbook sounds good! As long as he doesn’t start rippin’ pages out and makin’ paper aeroplanes out of ’em We’re gon’ be GOOD! YEE HAW! We’re gon’ be good. He might learn a thing or two. PERFECT! Readin’s BRILLIANT! Readin’s GREAT! Oh no… Oh no… [DRAMATIC TENSION] OH NO! DON’T SHOOT THE DOGGY! Do it- can I do nothing? I don’t wanna shoot the doggy! …I don’t wanna shoot the doggy… Maybe I don’t need to do nothin’! But it could be a hungry dog… It’s gonna be bad [MATING CALL] [GUN SHOT] [DOOR OPENING] AAAAH! [measly wimper] ‘A quick shot was more than enough to scare it away or maybe bring down whatever dark creature stalked us in the darkness. We never saw it again. [CHILDISH WAIL] IT WAS THE PUPPY! Aw, ‘…stumbled upon the ruins of a familiar building- Our local bank.’ *Sigh of acceptance* ‘It looks like the bank was robbed just before the blast. The vault was cracked open with saws hidden in teddy bears’ but ♫FOUR♫ Cans of food, one can o’ water and we lost the gas mask. That’s okay… Everyone gets fed today, and we’re still on schedule. We do… Oh. Phone call? Timmy, Go get the phone please. Don’t go crazy and don’t get sick. PLEASE [DOOR OPENING] DO NOT GO CRAZY, DO NOT GET SICK, YOU ST- Okay good. Good. Okay, we neeeed… Someone to go outside for supplies. We don’t have a gas mask for him, but… We do what we can. Mary-Jane’s tough as a brick. Mary-Jane is TOUGH AS BRICKS. So Mary-Jane’s gonna take the axe. And NOTHIN’ ‘Aint nothin’ gonna mess with Mary-Jane. Mary-Jane is a TROOPER. She is a trooper, and she will get us what we need. Alright. I believe in her. Yes, Okay, PERFECT! Government wants co-ordinates, I’ll give ’em co-ordinates. They need co-ordinates, I got ’em co-ordinates We need water, though. I really hope Mary-Jane comes back with water. We need water, like, BAD. Okay, ‘Strange noises in our pipes, ha-‘ -‘Check, Hellish’- -‘Yells outside, oh Dolores hasn’t spoken for a while.’ ‘That’s it.’ ‘And it’s really strange. Talking to her would be a good idea.’ Yeah! Talk to your wife, man! Talk to your wife! TALK TO YOUR WIFE! Why wouldn’t ‘cha talk to your wife? Why wouldn’t ‘cha talk to yer wife? ‘Talking to Dolores helped resolve some of her issues and doubts. She feels better now.’ Okay good. And everyone gets fed… …And water’d… ‘Someone’s at the door. We’re a bit scared’… Fff… ‘Maybe it’s a friendly face of an American soldier. Should we open it?’ I DON’T SEE WHY NOT What are they gonna do? Take our WATER away from us? [RAPID LAUGHS] Oh good she’s not sick. Hey, we got some poison control! ‘…Opened the hatch…Nobody there… damn pranksters’ ‘Makin’ jokes even after the apocalypse.’ We got our axe back! We got TWO soups, We got TWO waters, We got ONE poison… MARY-JANE, YOU’RE A CHAMPION! YEAH! YUS Okay, so Mary-Jane’s gonna get fed right now, and then I’m just gonna pick it all back up on 25. That’s what I should have been doing… Alone. Okay… So… We’re OK for now. Wait, how many… ..How many… We have three bottles of water. That’s enough to last 15 more days. I don’t wanna sen- Wha- We could send Timmy out. We- We COULD send Timmy out. I think it’d be fine… …If we did that… OOH! ‘Today we were visited by a strange-looking man’ ‘Who introduced himself as a trader.’ ‘He insisted his price…’ Okay. So… Gas mask for ammo, we don’t have… …Either of those… …Checkerboard for a flashlight… Do we need a flashlight? We could get a bottle o’ water out of this. I’m down for a bottle of water because frankly, I don’t know what the… …Suitcase is gonna do for me. I really don’t know. I really have no idea. Alright… Alright, Timmy… Imonna- Imonna let you go with the bug spray? Dammit Because that’s worked in the past where he just so happens to come a cross a giant… …HORRIBLE HORRIBLE assembly of bugs. [DOOR OPENS] You go Timmy you GOT IT Timmy’s the man! Timmy’s… probably not the man. Mary-Jane’s the man. ‘Some friendly soul on the radio was talking about a’ ‘supply pack.’ She lost TWO WATERS, ONE FOOOOOOOOD! YEAH! We won’t need to send anyone else If Timmy doesn’t even come back, It’s actually FINE. This might be the one! Unless some horrible thing happens, which it always does! *Manly sigh* Alright… ‘We decided to act out scenes from our favorite movies…’ Okay. goodgoodgoodgoodgood… Whatever. Good for you guys. Just no one… Go crazy. NO ONE GO CRAZY Timmy, come BACK. Come back to us, Timmy! TIMMY COME BACK! *Inhalation of anticipation* ♫Tim-mi-come-back-please.♫ ♫We♫ ♫Love-you♫ ♫It-is-rea-lly-lone-ly-here♫ Okay… ‘The radio of ours has been silent for the past few hours,’ ‘We need our news, we need our music,’ ‘We all agreed…’ ‘We need to meddle with it, until it works.’ NO! DON’T MEDDLE WITH IT! DON’T MEDDLE! Please, no one go crazy… *Inhalation of risk* YES! AHHH! *success noise* That would’ve been bad if you doodoodidadoo You would’ve been bad if you widadoodoodoo… Okay… Everything’s fine… …No one’s gonna go crazy… …Everyone is A-OK… ‘We’re a regular family, so…’ ‘…arguments never got intense as the fight we just go on into-‘ ‘No one wants to speak to each other.’ ‘Let’s just hope this won’t last too long’. No! Don’t do that! Don’t DO that! There’s Timmy? YES! Everyone’s still- -Not crazy! Oh, and Timmy brought back a lot of stuff. He brought back the… …Stuff… …The poison, He got a can o’ soup, ‘…canteen…respectable tomato soup…’ Okay… [PAGE TURNING …And two cans o’ water AND THEN TWO MORE CANS O’ SOUP! We are FINE We are a 100% fine Timmy, you eat up Because Then we’ll just all eat on the 30th and Everything’ll be fine ‘Note on our door today was a real surprise,’ ‘it was not signed and said whoever wrote it was’ Observing ‘us for right kind of people. They sent us to…’ ‘… send a signal. Unarmed representative to meeting today’ ‘to find out more. Should we send someone?’ Mary-Jane looks in good shape but I don’t wanna… really wanna lose her Okay she’s back Okay. Alright. We’re okay. Right ‘The meeting was organized by twin s…’ Okay so that was the twins That was the twins. Totally okay Everything’s fine We’re all gonna eat tomorrow We’re not going on anymore expeditions ‘Where is a ball when you need one’ ‘We got a little bored and need something to occupy ourselves’ ‘Too many’ ‘hours of counting pipe droplets’ Cards Good enogh Good enough. Cards are good Okay Everyone’s gonna eat Everyone’s gonna eat ’cause frankly We did- We did good We deserve this And we don’t need to go out yet until things get a little more desperate We’re fine Everything’s fine I’m like Oh god everyone does not look fine Everyone looks horrible ‘We’re trying out bes to remain calm. The situation we’re in is far from normal’ ‘We might never get used to it. We hope the help comes soon’ ‘Mary-Jane’s pretty fatigued’ Why is Mary-Jane fatigued? Why is Mary-Jane fatigued? Wh-What happened to Mary-Jane? Whta happened to Mary-Jane? ‘Claiming they’re willing to offer a lot for decent ammunition’ All I got is a cheker board but I have cards. So I can sacrifice the checkerboards. Because I have cards. Depending on what he gives us. Huh? ‘We offered checkres instead of ammunition’ ‘and tried to explain what ammunintion is’ ‘We pretended to understand nothing… very… left che-‘ What? What? He didn’t give us anything What was the point of that? I didn’t know that’s how it was gonna go! Son of a biiitch! Son of an aaass! ‘Open in the name of freedom, came a shout from outside of our door’ ‘We weren’t sure who claimed to be representing freedom’ ‘But we could hear it was a group of people, probably armed’ ‘Anybody who introduces themselves like that’ ‘is probably planning to kill someone in the name of freedom.’ ‘Should we open it?’ Imma look this one up Okay, so apparently ‘You may be visited by a band of armed,’ ‘dark-faced teenagers who are fighting in the name of freedom.’ ‘And ask if you’re with the Reds’ ‘communists’ ‘And reveal themselves to be called Wolverines’ This is a reference to the movie Red Dawn’ ‘When a band of high school students armed’ ‘And call themselves Wolverines’ ‘after their high school mascot’ ‘when a communist invasion occurs in America.’ So That sounds like they’re fighting against the communists Which means that we’re gonna let ’em iiiiiiiin Come on in, buddies! That better not have gone bad for me. Everyone’s still alive! Good. What did they do? ‘We regretted opening the door the minute- we-‘ ‘-saw who was standing on the other side.’ ‘Dark faces, rifles and determined looks of band of teenagers’ ‘We’re doomed, we thought.’ ‘Then out of the blue, one of them asked us if we’re with the Reds.’ ‘We never supported the Red Sox’ ‘so we cont- haha-confidently said that we weren’t.’ ‘The tension dropped immediately’ ‘And those nice young people gave two bottles of water!’ ‘They told us to have no fear, since the Wolverines were around [Inhale of success] YEEEEEEES YES YES ‘Timmy is not doing great. It would be good to talk to him and cheer him up.’ Yeah! Why wouldn’t you do that? Why wouldn’t you talk to your own child? Maybe if he was crazy that wouldn’t be a good thing to do. ‘Even a word or two may be enough to brighten someone’s mood.’ ‘Timmy seems better by now.’ Okay. This is good! This is really good. We can survive. [Gasp] Yes! And we don’t have either of those We can save the right thing without losing what we don’t need to lose YEAH!! This is going well This is going unbelievably well ‘The military is communicating through the radio’ ‘We’re sure it was to evacuate us out of here’ ‘But turns out they need our help’ ‘The speaker requests that all able citizens’ ‘should chop down a tree or two in the nearby park.’ ‘It sounds riddiculous, but they’re claiming this will make it easier for them to extract us’ ‘We never really liked that park so let’s do this already’ Yes! We have an axe We can help them We can help them help us Help the- hel-help us Help-help us Alfalfa Alfalfa Code name Alfalfa Ugh ‘We chopped down as many trees as we could’ ‘it wasn’t much but hopefuly it’ll make a difference they wanted’ ‘The next time they get in touch it better be from a tank parked on our lawn’ Okay So We’re good We’re good for one more day Let’s see Oh no I’m not gonna risk this. This is a random chance where we could get or lose two cans I can’t afford to lose two cans And I got plenty of cans as it is. We’re fine and we don’t need ANYTHING else We’re literally FINE ♫Everyone-gets-fed-today♫ ♫We-got-enough-for-25-more-days♫ ♫That-would-literally-be-the-most-we’ve-ever-played♫ ♫This-game-we-can’t-go-insane♫ ♫In-our-brain[Runs out of breath]we-need-to-survive♫ [High pitched] ♫This-plan-we-need-to♫ [High pitched] ♫Live-very-long♫ [High pitched] ♫It’s-going-to-be-very-good♫ ♫Oh my God if we don’t make it this time♫ ♫I will never survive♫ Oh man Seriously if we don’t make it through this time We are in such a good place right now If we don’t make it through this time I don’t know what we’re gonna do We’re gonna lose our goddamn minds Let’s see After Dolores returned form that last expedition she was complaining of a minor foot injury it might have been her right foot or maybe her left. One of them anyway it seemed irrelevant at the time But now both her feet are swollen We need to do something about it [Singing] I’m hesitant [Singing] to use my [Singing] medkit on you, you girl [Deep sigh] I guess we gotta do it I dont wanna lose – I dont wanna lo- I dont want ANYONE to go wrong But if someone gets sick Then we’re gonna be in a lot of trouble But I mean, she doesn’t get this Then she’s probably going to die Alright, we gotta do something We might not have had to do something but I have a funny feeling we had to do something about that I’m trying to keep my family as together as possible here So that we can SURVIVE and Mary Jane is my best soldier out on the field Okay, I’m gonna – We’re not going out We’re not going out We’re not going out There’s too many bandits There’s too many bandits later in the game We’re not going out I’m not gonna send people out We’re gonna be fine We can survive this We can survive this together As a family Bandits are at the door, promising us the worst fate we could imagine if we don’t let them in It’s time to make a stand or surrender I’m going to use the lock? Cause I can give up my gun and hopefully that will trigger them to rescue us sooner Right? Yes? Good. Okay, good Good good good, good good good We were able to fight off the bandits this time, but there’s guarantee they wont come back We need to be prepared at all costs ( times ) We didn’t think that a small padlock would be enough ( stop them ) but it discouraged them It’s good Mary Jane is feeling safe Everyone is just fine We’re not going out One of the cupboards in the shelter was a bit shaky so we pulled it out to give it a new home In the process we discovered a secret door Where does it lead? No idea but let’s find out Okay! Why the frick not? *bullet ricocheting* Uh.. Pew? What’s the first thing to do when you open a door leading to a place you don’t know? Open fire! Bam bam! Our bullets struck the wall and guess what- we hit a water pipe! We were able to fill a few water bottles with all the water that trickled from the bullet holes *laughing* Okay Great! Ok, first aid kit is of no use and we need to do something about it for some bizarre reason, we believe we can use lethal bug-spray to produce some additional medicine? Maybe it’ll work? We won’t know until we’ve tried it! What else am I gonna do with the bug spray? Oh my God, It worked! Ho – Holy shit-balls! What the fuck? Deadly bug-spray can result in just enough drugs to replenish an empty ???? ( first aid kit ) Wh – what do we do, we just open the supply kit and just sprayed it in there willy nilly and it worked? Oh my God.. Thats amazing This is incredible This is astonishing Ok.. When we heard a knock at the door we decided to open, our heart rate goes up a bit Fortunately, this time it wasn’t blood-thirsty raiders but the brother and sister we befriended They’re ambitious, trying to construct a few houses Can’t help you, don’t have axe Hopefully that’s not gonna screw me over later We are not alone, there’s a huge hairy bunny-beast that seems to be hiding in one of the pipes we can’t let it be in here when we sleep SHOOT THE SUCKER! BANG!! Bang, bang, bang. Bang bang bang bang, a-bang bang a-bang bang bang. Shoot you dead. Ok.. Our cans are saved! Too bad for the hairy mutant! and we kept our gun I’m shocked about that Let’s see.. Mary Jane .. looking fine. Everyone’s fine God, they better rescue us soon A gang of thugs started banging on the door asking us to surrender, how do we respond? WITH A GUN TO THE FACE!! TAKE OUR GUN! KABANG! Dammit, our gun broke Hopefully that wasn’t the only gun that we needed that we needed …trusty rifle But maybe I can repair it with the book That was kinda a thing that happened before maybe it’s gonna happen again wait judging by the sound of gunfire and screams, it seems like a band of thugs has taken control of the area, going out could be very risky Yeah, we’re not gonna DO that we got – we’re fine we got another 15 days ahead of us we always steered away from casinos, gambling dens and the like so when a man came to our door and told us he used to be a gambler … two watter bottle bet – we dont need it. we don’t need the water, we got more than enough water water’s not our problem I wouldn’t even risk it if the food bet was there – we’re not gonna do that oh no … group of bandits on the other side demanding we walk out with our hands up Oh, God dammit! *frustrated growl* *yelling* Ohh, what!? No!! *yelling* man! Ohhh… … we hope nothing BAD will happen to ’em… … grabbed Ted and took him away … Oh, God dammit… gang of firefighters … dressed like it … … surrender all of our supplies … … drive us out with FIRE if we don’t comply *yelling* WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT? *yelling* OH WHAT THE FUCK?? *dies for a second* *high pitched scream* if I didn’t trade the bug-spray for medicine, I – *yelling* THIS GAME IS IMPOSSIBLE! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT I DID EVE-RY-THING RIGHT I DID EV – WHY DIDN’T I GET RESCUED? WHY? WHY DIDN’T I GET RESCUED? WHY? I HAD EVERYTHING! IT WAS LIKE AN UNSTOPPABLE CHAIN OF MADNESS STOPPING US FROM SUCCEEDING !! *high-pitched scream* *frusturated growl* is this game actually possible? is this game ACTUALLY possible – is it possible – why is there a pizza on the God damn roof? why uh – is that a reference to Breaking Bad? *sigh* it’s – it’s impossible it’s possible – I know, I know it’s possible I know it’s possible I know it’s possible but God dammit have you ever seen such a string of bad luck befall a player of this game up until this point right here? that is absurd I had everything in the palm of my hand everything was going swimmingly for me everything was BEAUTIFUL and then I lost it all? was it because I wasn’t going on enough exp – I was playing it safe! there were bandits EVERYWHERE!! everywhere, there were bandits It’s not like I would’ve gotten the supplies I needed Ugh.. Why did my gun have to blow up? Oh well I think that’s enough 60 seconds for me… I don’t know when I’m gonna come back to this Maybe I’ll livestream it until I beat it That’ll be a more INTERESTING way to get to the END of the game than what we’ve done thus far But thank you everyone so much for watching let me know what ways I went wrong in the comments and as always, I will see YOU, in the next video buh bye!! *Crazy La Paint by MiniMusicMan plays*

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