The Daily Show – Start Wars


LAST WEEK… (LAUGHTER)
OH, (BLEEP) JUST GOT REAL. LAST WEEK, THE OBAMA
ADMINISTRATION AND IRAN IN COOPERATION WITH RUSSIA, FRANCE,
BRITAIN, GERMANY AND CHINA, REACHED AN HISTORIC
OUTLINE OF A FRAMEWORK OF AN OUTLINE OF A
POTENTIAL DRAFT FOR A PRE-FINAL TENTATIVE NUCLEAR DEAL
ARRANGEMENT! PENDING APPROVAL. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BUT FIRST, CONGRESS HAS SOME CONCERNS.>>THIS DEAL DOESN’T DISMANTLE
ONE CENTRIFUGE, IT DOESN’T CLOSE ONE SITE.>>NO ONE TRUSTS IRAN.>>I DON’T TRUST THE LEADERSHIP
OF IRAN.>>THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A
CLEAR RECOGNITION ON THEIR PART THAT ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO
EXIST AS A JEWISH STATE.>>I WOULDN’T HAVE STARTED THESE
NEGOTIATIONS TO BEGIN WITH.>>Jon: WHAT! SO I GUESS WE’RE GIVING CEDING
TO LIARS AND ANTI-SEMITES IN A NEGOTIATION THAT NEVER
SHOULD HAVE EXISTED BUT OTHER THAN THAT,
GOOD FIRST DRAFT. WHAT COURSE OF ACTION IF NOT A
TREATY WOULD CONGRESS RECOMMEND?>>SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF
WHAT PRESIDENT CLINTON DID IN DECEMBER 1998, SEVERAL DAYS OF
AIR AND NAVAL BOMBING AGAINST IRAQ’S WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION FACILITIES.>>Jon: OH, RIGHT! 1998, CLINTON SENT MISSILES IN
THERE IN OPERATION I GUESS THAT’S THAT. (LAUGHTER)
YEAH, THAT 1998 BOMBING FIXED IRAQ FOREVER, TRANSITIONING THAT
COUNTRY FROM A DICTATORSHIP TO AN AMERICAN-LOVING
KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED DEMOCRACY. EVERYONE LOVES A
KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED –DEMOCRACY. BUT THE TRUTH
IS, EVEN IF THE SENATORS — (LAUGHTER) REALLY? HONESTLY, JUST ADDED A
[BLEEP] T. THAT’S ALL WE DID. EVEN IF THE SENATORS DID THINK
THE DEAL WITH IRAN WAS A GOOD DEAL, THE SENATORS WOULD STILL
HAVE TO FULFILL THEIR CONSTITUTIONAL OBLIGATION.>>NO SENATE OR HOUSE SHOULD
EVER LET ANY PRESIDENT DO AWAY WITH CONGRESSIONAL SANCTIONS
CREATED BY THE BODIES WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL.>>I THINK IT’S CRITICAL THAT IS
SENATE APPROVE THIS LIKE WE DO ANY TREATY.>>IT REQUIRES THE ADVICE AND
CONSENT OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE.>>Jon: SLOW DOWN THERE, McCAIN! SENATE’S ALREADY IN SESSION,
LIKE, THREE DAYS A MONTH! (LAUGHTER)
YOU DON’T WANT TO OVERLOAD YOUR SCHEDULE, BLOW A GASKET. OF COURSE! THE CONSTITUTION ALSO GIVES
CONGRESS THE RESPONSIBILITY TO DECLARE WAR. HOW CONCERNED ARE THEY WITH
DEFENDING THAT AUTHORITY FROM PRESIDENTIAL OVERREACH?>>I DON’T WANT TO LIMIT OUR
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.>>THIS RESOLUTION SAYS WIN A
WAR, IT TAKES GROUND TROOPS WHEREVER IT TAKES.>>A GUY NAMED RONALD REAGAN
INVADED A SOVEREIGN, SMALL SOVEREIGN NATION CALLED
GRENADA, YOU KNOW, AND NOTIFIED EVERYBODY THE NEXT MORNING
AFTER, AFTER IT WAS COMPLETED.>>CONGRESS SHOULD SORT OF SHUT
UP.>>Jon: THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO
FOCUS, EVERYBODY! HE’S BOMBING PEOPLE! MY ADVICE IS THAT CONGRESS
CONSENT TO A HOT CUP OF SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP! DELAWARE! DELAWARE! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
DELAWARE, WHEN THE PRESIDENT’S BOMBING PEOPLE, YOU SO MUCH SAY
A WORD I WILL SHOVE YOU SO FAR UP MASSACHUSETTS’ ASS, YOU WILL
SMELL MAINE! (LAUGHTER) A LOT OF THE TOUGH TALK FROM — AS A MATTER OF FACT, CONGRESS IS
SO LAX IN THEIR WAR-MAKING OVERSIGHT, THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF
IS SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE AMOUNT OF FIRE IN HIS POWER
LIKE HIS DRONE STRIKE AUTHORITY.>>ONE OF THE THINGS WE’VE GOT
TO DO IS PUT A LEGAL ARCHITECTURE IN PLACE AND WE
NEED CONGRESSIONAL HELP TO DO THAT TO MAKE SURE THAT NOT ONLY
AM I REINED IN BUT ANY PRESIDENT IS IN TERMS OF SOME OF THE
DECISIONS WE’RE MAKING.>>Jon: STOP ME CONGRESS
BEFORE I KILL — OH, TOO LATE. TURNS OUT, WHEN IT COMES TO
BOMBING COUNTRIES OR SENDING ADVISORS TO COUNTRIES OR DRONE
STRIKING COUNTRIES, CONGRESS IS THE GIRL WHO JUST CAN’T SAY NO. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO COOPERATING
WITH COUNTRIES, TREATIES — HOLD ON THERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MISTER? LIKE THE SMALL ARMS TREATY TO
STOP THE ILLEGAL INTERNATIONAL TRADE OF ARMS RATIFIED BY 66
OTHER COUNTRIES.>>WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD
SOMEBODY WANT TO GIVE TO CEDE TO THE UNITED NATIONS OR ANY
MULTI-NATIONAL GROUP THE POWER TO MAKE DETERMINATIONS AS TO
WHOM, WITH WHOM WE TRADE ARMS.>>THIS TREATY WILL INFRINGE ON
THE SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS OF AMERICAN GUN OWNERS.>>Jon: BLACK MARKET SOMALI
ARMS TRAFFICKING DOESN’T KILL PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO BUY BLACK MARKET
SOMALI ARMS — OH, FORGET IT! (LAUGHTER)
OR THE LAW OF THE SEA TREATY WHICH CREATES GUIDELINES FOR HOW
COUNTRIES CAN RESPONSIBLY USE MARINE NATURAL RESOURCES,
RATIFIED BY 167 COUNTRIES OR IT’S KNOWN, EARTH MINUS US.>>WHAT IT DOES IN JUST A ONE
SENTENCE FORM IS TO RELINQUISH OUR SOVEREIGNTY OVER 70% OF THE
WORLD.>>Jon: WHAT ARE WE THE
SPANISH ARMADA? AS YOU KNOW, AMERICA CURRENTLY
OWNS THE OCEANS. EVER SINCE PRESIDENT NIXON BLEW
ON NEPTUNE’S FABLED CONCH SHELL AND BECAME PRINCE OF THE DEEP! (LAUGHTER)
OR — AND THE ONE IS HONESTLY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WE WON’T
RATIFY, THE TREATY TO PROMOTE RIGHTS FOR THE DISABLED
RATIFIED BY 153 NATIONS.>>IN ALL HONESTY, I DON’T WANT
TO LOSE OUR SOVEREIGNTY IN THIS ISSUE.>>Jon: OH! I DON’T WANT SOME
ONE WORLD BLACK HELICOPTER ILLUMINATI COMING HERE AND
TELLING US WHICH RAMP NEEDS TO GO IN FRONT OF WHICH LIBRARY! AND IT’S NOT ALWAYS THAT WE’RE
ALWAYS WORKING AGAINST OTHER COUNTRIES, WE DO WORK WITH OTHER
COUNTRIES, WE DO IT ALL THE TIME.>>WELL, CERTAINLY WE NEED OTHER
PARTNERS. I MEAN, WE NEED THESE OTHER ARAB
COUNTRIES TO STEP IN.>>THE UNITED STATES MUST BE
COMMITTED TO BUILDING A COALITION THAT ASSISTS THE
IRAQI, KURDISH AND FREE SYRIAN FORCES.>>DEMONSTRATE OUR COMMITMENT TO
THE GLOBAL COALITION IN DEFEATING THIS RADICAL ISLAMIC
ORGANIZATION.>>AMERICAN SOLDIERS NEED TO GO
BACK TO SYRIA AND IRAQ AS PART OF THE COALITION —
>>Jon: SEE? YOU WANT TO WORK WITH THE UNITED
STATES, HUH? WELL, THERE’S ONLY TWO THINGS
YOU CAN DO WITH RAMPS — BUILD ‘EM OR BOMB ‘EM. (LAUGHTER)
AND I DON’T SEE NO BUILDING RAMP MATERIALS. (LAUGHTER)
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE QUESTION, WHY ARE WE SO (BLEEP) CAUTIOUS
AND UNWILLING TO COOPERATE WITH THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY ON
NON-MILITARY AGREEMENTS?>>WHENEVER A BILL OR A TREATY
IS PASSED, THERE ARE SOME UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES.>>LET’S DO IT WITHOUT ENMESHING
OUR NATION INTO ANOTHER BINDING INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION THAT
WILL CAUSE MORE GRIEF THAN BENEFIT.>>YOU ALSO NEED TO PAY VERY
CAREFUL ATTENTION TO THOSE CONSEQUENCES THAT ARE UNINTENDED
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE THE DANGER TRULY LIES.>>Jon: YES, THE UNINTENDED
CONSEQUENCES OF TRYING TO MAKE PEACE! OUR CONGRESS IS INCREDIBLY
CAUTIOUS ABOUT TREATIES BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW THE BLOW-BACK
PEACEFUL COOPERATION CAN HAVE! WE SEE IT ALL THE TIME! MAYBE IF WE HADN’T BEEN SO
EAGER TO COLLECT HALLOWEEN PENNIES FOR UNICEF, IRAQ WOULD
BE A STABLE COUNTRY TODAY. AND I.S.I.S. WOULD NEVER GET A
FOOTHOLD. BUT THAT’S THE KIND OF GOODNESS
BAKED INTO OUR CONSTITUTION, TO MAKE PEACE, TWO-THIRDS OF THE
SENATE NEED TO COME ALONG. YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR, THOUGH? SIMPLE MAJORITY. AND A QUICK TIP IF YOU CALL IT
SOMETHING ELSE, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE (BLEEP) YOU WANT. WE’RE THE EDWARD SCISSORHANDS OF
COUNTRIES.

100 thoughts on “The Daily Show – Start Wars

  • A shame nobody give a shit about the unintended consequences of invading countries without just cause, and then lying to people about it afterwards.

  • little did anyone know trump was gonna ruin this country and linsdey Graham and the rest of the Republican party will collapse under him

  • "Delaware, when the president is bombing people, you so much as say a word, I will shove you so far up Massachusetts' ass, you'll smell Maine." It was nice little cultural touches like that that reminded you that Jon Stewart was a true American, regardless of his politics. This is in total contrast to Trevor Noah, who is just a low IQ, politically correct foreigner.

  • Why does Stewart speak random words in slow emphasis with intermittent pauses then rush through the remainder of the line in everything he says?

  • "No Senate or House should let a president do away with congressional sanctions created by the bodies, without their approval." -Lindsey Graham
    …I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Drumpf probably didn't always ask before trying to do away with those kinds of sanctions.

  • That was so messed up but what they did was keep myself constantly mortorly wounded I was formed of regeneration material and they stole my self produced skeletons and regeneration is not a natural produced bodily enzyme and that is where I have been ever since. but they were wrong, though. I am stuck at being a bodily enzyme that brought myself to life within an increment of time, not accurate information though.

  • watching this critical ranting in Nov 2018 really shows you how far we've fallen 😞 plus he's criticizing things that we don't even know to scrutinize anymore

  • They speak In favor of war… because the money from arms companies deep rooted in their asses are making them do.

  • I use to think Republicans were greedy self serving heartless cretins. As of February 2019 I can see I misjudged them. I feel bad about that. It is obvious that Republicans are racist, immoral, feckless, corrupt, evil traitors. So, yeah, they have grown allot.

  • I miss Jon so much especially while we have the line leader of the mentally challenged class as president. damn, man it hurt just to say it out loud.

  • Good god, the Republicans were all about congressional oversight when a Democrat was president. Now it's Presidential harassment.

  • Wait a second…aren't the Russians the bad guys…the evil…the war driver…????
    I'm surprised that there is really someone in the US who actually sees the truth and has the capability to see reality through the eyes of anybody else on this planet.
    Most of the time I'm experiencing Americans being extremely ignorant, terribly low educated and…sorry for that…dumb.
    Like those guys loving wrestling and believing that it's a real sport and that they were fighting for real.
    Bravo Jon Stewart, a little bit of hope is born in my heart.

  • Yeah, there's our Hero, John McCain; showing his true colors, along with "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran. His defeating vote on the Republican Health Plan came after his diagnosis with incurable brain cancer. Seems he saw the Pearly Gates at last, or maybe just karma. Nothing like death to put things in perspective.

  • Now, they are the one who producing Trump's reality show.
    It is not about the value of issues, only Trump's ass kicking.
    So disappointed.

  • “The unintended consequences of trying to make peace”
    Well, there are enough negative consequences from the attempt at maintaining peace by making a european economic union which than spread its influence and reach over the people of 28 previously sovereign nations while never, not once expanding the ability of the people to choose who represents them or as some older people may still call it “democracy” . Now the people are being ruled over by a corrupt superstate.
    A state that cannot reform its own political structure and thus will continue to force their rule over the working class that they themselves have long since forgotten and unwittingly banished from their personal social circle.

  • OMG, i just love it when he does Senator Graham's impression. It is a classic and well-deserved. Senator Graham is one of the most corrupt politicians out there.

  • Man how much I miss Jon Stewart . Today’s host doesn’t cover news like this oh wait it’s fake news. Wow .

  • Obama tried to diplomatically deal with iran.

    US is going to war now under Trump, further destabilizing the region just so John Bolton can have his orgasm.

    Yeah US the the real threat to world peace.

  • Trevor and Stephen try, but they just can't match Jon. It would be marvelous to hear what he would say about Trump and the Senate.

  • Just watched this excerpt for the first time. It’s June 20, 2019. He is still apropos and did he nail it. Still so many of the same cast of political characters…depressing.

  • Hahaha American politicians don't trust Iran. Well its not like Iran over threw American democratically elected governments.

  • Ritalin not sent in little neo on hbo doctor ai think called by insurance 040784580 plesse send souls give me a council of solace

  • I didn't see no kittens and fudge in the last star wars movie I saw. With Mark and Harrison and that other one that drank too much. And if this is in bad taste, please forgive me as I watched the highlights of last nights debate and rather than stick needles in my eyes I must've posted at least 6 stories on homelessness, wrote to Bill Maher to pass along a message to you and insulted my local community facebook page. And then my daughter called all depressed. Shoot me now………

  • Whelp, we learned and saw that Iran respected the deal to the t. Not once violating it. But hey, fuck you liberals.. just cause

  • Cable news isn't news!! Cable news is bought and paid for, and vary biased towards which ever way it leans..

    Comedy shows, satire makes fun of the issues with sarcasm..

  • I will say it again President Reagan did not invade Granada. Gorillas took professors hostage and President Reagan sent troops in to liberate Schools and free the hostages. Why does a military man get that wrong????

  • Im actually not against the general principle. It's very true that entering international treaties is not always a good idea, and it does bind you needlessly.

    Under assumption that is, that your government is not full of blood thirsty, greedy, evil warmongers ofc. If the senate was trustworthy, i'd reject treaties too. But it's not a choice between "rights for disable act or whatever" vs "senate's take on the same issue", it's the international treaty or fuck off we do nothing. That's kind of fucked up.

  • A deal we did reach. And that now Trump has destroyed. Iran is back to making weapons. N Korea is still making weapons. Russia's working on new missile tech to thwart us. We're probably about to drop into a recession and perhaps another economic crisis due to this fucking trade war and Trump's chaotic, childish nature. Nearly 20% of the Amazon is gone and is still raging on fire. If we surpass 25% of that forest dying, we're fucked. Oh, wait, we're fucked anyway cuz yeah, the climate is changing rapidly and the weather has already started coming for our faces. Fucking Greenland and Siberia have been on fire and Alaska and places in Scandinavia have experienced record heat… all places near or in the polar regions! (can't imagine what the immigrants must be experiencing along the southern border in this horrifying heat) Yeah, things are going SO well!

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