CHAPTER 3!!!!! CRUSHING BLOW OF TREASON Things are about to kick off. OK. Autoplay Of… *WHAPOOSH*
Top o’ the mornin’ to ye laddies,
my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to Attack on Titan L-DAH…Eren I was gonna say “Levi”
’cause I’ve been playing as him for ages. Eren is about to stand trial because he’s a Titan and everyone’s scared about him and they’re like, “Hey!
Are you on our side or their side?” “Or are you on no side?” “Are you like a weird freaky f..dick?” So now he’s standing trial against Zachary. So, CONTINUE!! “The former first,” Hey, **** YOU! Screw you, Nick! Yup… Yeah, screw politics! Full disclosure. My bad. I don’t trust a guy who has the same name as a river. Yeah, what’re you afraid of? Sum big old titan gonn’ comin’ an’ kill YOUR mom? No-ho, don’t think so. That’s just Eren. That’s just me… Everybody else’s moms are alive… *laughs* Ow… Ow! AAHOW! *whispers* Oh… my poor face. *Laugh/cry craugh* Owww *Goofy Laugh* Truth YEAH! Nice! Part of the Scout Regiment now! Same as Levi and those guys. “It still hurts where the Lieutenant kicked me” “But thanks to him, I avoided being handed over to the Military Police” Yeah, all over my face! Levi- WHERE IS HE? “Your character is now Eren” Yay! We’re back to square one. Fuckin’ Le- WHERE’S LEVI!? I’ll teach HIM a lesson or two! How we do it IRISH style Where’s me bog-oak? Beat th-the **** outta that guy Fine, I’ll talk to you guys Wassup! Hi! “So you’re the rookie everybody’s talking about… Huh” “All I see is a kid fresh out of diapers” **** you, Oruo Yeeaah Oh He bit his tongue *giggle* It’s pretty hard to swallow alright Hange! Sweet Sure *more giggles* Oh! She’s so awesome! THEY’RE so awesome, I guess Nooo! *Crappy Impression*
Nani datte!? Somebody killed ’em! And I know who it was I’m gonna go point fingers! But…. First things first… I gotta go over here Somebody was saying as well, that… In the comments… That my… My new blades, The Tiger Zeroes Are really really good, but they’re really really brittle 96 Durability Yeah, oh god, these are 160 Ooooh Imma have to reinforce some shit You go up 58 Could I… I only have… Oh, I have 10,000 Could I buy these, and then… Buy a bunch of other blades and reinforce the Tiger Zero ones with these? Is that how it works? Let me see I’m gonna buy these Complete! No. I don’t wanna equip them And buy the- These are only 600. I wanna see what happens Could I buy another one? I dunno, cause there’s like- there’s like 3 slots! Fortify Blades Yeah, you can put in three different blades into it Tiger Zero plus 3 Put in this You could put in… this So it brings its durability up to 110 After being a… what? It’s at 102 now That’s not a whole lot- OK, I wanna see if I can get… Oh shit, sorry Wanna see if I can get…. Another one of these….. Cuz couldn’t I just pick my favorite blades then… And keep fortifying them constantly? Put in Tiger Zero… Put in you Put in you Put in… You! Yeah! Now I’m up to 114! Fortify Hell yeah, we do! Niiice So now these should be pretty good, right? I mean, 114 isn’t as good as What the other ones were Ooh I can like pick different jackets and shit *whale mating call* I like this one Do I just have that equipped now? *whale sex moans* I’m part of the Scout Regiment! Cool! Equipment Modifications. Blades What do I need to modify these? Money OOH I could bring up the- the durability of them again! And the sharpness *tch* All I need is six thousand, ah shit I need six seven five oh for those And three thousand for those So I’ll go off and do a level And I can equip or-or I can increase all my gear then after that Sweet! Nice! I’ll have the best blades! We’re gonna be able to slice and dice everything Hello “You guys are here.” Yeah, they’re all part of it as well *bad immitation* Daijobu Damn it Sasha! Potato girl! Poor Marco *meekly* Maybe Aww… Hai! (t/n: Yes!) Poor Jean, he’s just scared Of course you can count on me! I’m li’l Eren bro Li’l Eren-d boy Get it? Eren, errand? Man! If only there was some sorta career you could make outta being a jokester I’d be the top of that career Mikasa! Can we just go…? Oh god, there’s a lot of- talking to do “I need to outdo myself on this expedition. We out to prepare gear ahead of time.” I finished preparing already Did that just say my character’s now Mikasa? It said somethin’ somethin’ Mikasa Don’t tell me I’m her now I wanna be Eren boy again! He ma best! “Yeager Bombastic!” Fuckin’ love… ugh god Have you all watched the ‘Attack on Titan: Abridged’ by now?! You’d better have. It’s amazing! They need to get to work on another part of it. Please, for the love of god! I’ll help! *laugh* Anyway I can! *laughs* *majestic fuckin’ eagle harmonizing* Yeh! It’s referencing back to when him and Mikasa and Armin were looking at them like “Wow!” *anime voice* Oooh! He can just start flappin’ his eyebrows and he’ll fly off into the distance *laughs* Oh see? Reminds me a lot of umm… Oh god NO No time to talk I know how to fuckin’- Nice! *more bad immitation* *grunts* Niceness! Dude I’m kicking the **** out of him already Wooooh! That’s how Mikasa the Monster rolls! She kicks the **** outa everyone Umm… Apparently, I was doing the whole Levi stuff wrong last time too Remember when i was like, “Am I like, doing his spin attack properly?” No, I wasn’t People corrected me Ah ****! Failed attack That’s not gonna be a complete subjugation For his umm… For his spin attack, I needed to be, like, WAAAAY further out Oh god looked like it was in your eyes Or not boosting at them ‘Cause i boosted at them, like, right in front of them, so I wasn’t doing the spin attack properly Climb up! **** sake So the spin attack apparently did a lot more damage, but I wan’t using it right as Levi so… A lotta stuff didn’t go well *another immitation* That means like next or something doesn’t it? Ah! **** “Erwin’s core forces have appeared on the battlefield.” Oh Eren’s there! Oooh **** balls! Oh I just took out two of them all at once! WOOOO! *more wooing* Who wants to tussle? Who wants a go at Mikasa? She da ****in best! Uh oh AAAH help me! *laugh* She’s not the best anymore I was only joking! That was only all foolsies! Ayyy LMAO just a prank, bro Ah Conny, why? There we go Okay, who needs help? Yeees There we go I need to change blades Can’t I change blades in mid-air? CHANGE! Was that only as Levi? I thought all the things… Oh no! The…- The blades and **** carry over, but the attacks don’t That makes sense Okay “Break through the former Orbit Area with Erwin’s group.” Okay, got it! And there’s a flag down here, so I’mma go this way I could use my horse to get around, but why would I do that when I can be a spider-man lookin mother****er “Final Subjugation Target”? I didn’t even do anything yet! Oh God, that’s him, is’nt? Okay Lemme come around the front! Aha! Let’s attack men! I have no teammates with me Oh! I- I did it! Aahahaha! Mikasa is da best! Oh wait, that wasn’t him was it? Oh god. Oh god. We need to get outta here! We need to umm… Somebody died! Erwin! Why’re you off your horse? ****k’s sake man! Yes Mikasa does not hold back Uh… Flash bang? No? Okay They work That thing lasted for ages this time Okay Okay! Just need to get to that other arm! AH! I can’t get to it Could you show your arm? A little? There we go! Thanks bro! I appreciate it! I mean… Aaaargh! I know it’s me killing you, but help! N’oh **** I need health. I need health Horsey! Get outta there *immitation Japanese gibberish* Aaah ****! *laughs* Aaah no, no, no, no, no, no Son of a **** fart *immitation anime sound-effect* No, why did it get his neck? Oh god this guy’s is tough cause he has a lot of f- ****ing armor and health What’s happening, what’s happening Oh yeah this thing Ah ok. I need new blades Just hold on for a second You don’t even have any arms to grab me with Yah **** He does have a mouth though Nice! That is a- ****ty subjugation What are you doing? I didn’t press that button I pressed jump and she like did her boost-y thing That was it? Oh okay got S- B- S. Sexy Bastard Sean Thanks guys. *laughs* That could have gone so much better Ummm I didn’t get a **** ton of money either Oooh I need a lot of money so I can upgrade me blade-y doos Jean. How’s it goin’? Yeh Do do- Now I’m Armin?! *dodo bird impression* “Equipment Modification” Blades Why? I don’t even have enough for it! But I got like 5,000 that time and I had 2 “Cash In” What can I cash in? ****in’ nuthin’ Can cash in with you Don’t get all that much though Well I could ge- I could cash in something else but… I don’t know what I need so. I’m not going to cash in anything *more dodo bird* Let’s just do this *more nonsensical noises* I wanna fly around and kill more Titans, please No more of this hokey-pokey bull****, talking to characters and… No more anime, please *laughs* I’m also curious. How many of you have started watching the anime now because of this series? Or because of this game, or you watched this on some other YouTubers channel I- I bet a lot. I’ve actually met a lot of people, other YouTubers as well Who wanted to play the game. And then they’re asking me- cuz I was playing it- When I met them at Pacs they were asking me should they watch the anime I was like, “If you’re gonna- “If you’re gonna be exposed to the world of ‘Attack on Titan’, watch the anime first. “Don’t watch it through this game. Because the pacing is very different.” Li- Like the emotional moments are kinda cut short For the sake of getting it back on track Don’t bite your tongue again *laughs* Here we go I’m ready Hai (t/n: yes) This is scary as well cuz it’s all open ground So they can’t use their ODM gear Bye Reiner So am I playing as Armin again ’cause he- yeah okay I mean I know it’s called ‘Attack on Titan’ But in the thing… in the- Uuuh, attack Uuuoh Kay, go! There we go. That’s how we did it. Okay sorry I wasn’t talking for a second but- Yeah in the anime there isn’t as many ****in’ Titans around There we go. Good job dudes Oh ****. Oh **** *anime battle noises* *anime samurai* Nice **** yeah. Oh it’s awesome playing as Armin Cuz you can like- send your dudes to kill everything else Woooh! So I can like- Take out an- arm or something. Then send everyone else to take out the nape And I don’t think they miss all to often so… Works out pretty well for me And I can just stay on my horse And do that! Aaaah wicked! Get him Get him? Get him?! There we go. Jeez, who was attacking a second ago that didn’t get him? Okay you guys… Get his leg… and then you get his nape Anybody?! Aaah Yokoida That means I’m going or something, right? Sweet! Ha ha Dude, I’m kicking the **** out of everything “Subjugate the Large Titans” These duders? They’re the ones flash-y flash-y on the map-y, so… I assume so I’mma help I didn’t do I didn’t do perfect dudes can you attack his fucking arm I need those materials Thank you and everybody else attack the nape Nice! Oh you guys are the best Roses are red, Violets are brown You are going to take a walk around Yes! Why cant I just stand here and fight titans all day? I mean, I can if that’s what you really want but, I have places to be, I have a I have a, pumpkin spice latte I want to get at Starbucks That’s not even a joke I ****in love those I’m such a hipster Pumpkin spice anything is so good And it is the season for Halloweenies Fa La La La, la, la, la, la We did it! that should be a good one If that’s the end of the level I drought it though, because there is a lot more to happen here Uh Oh Uh Oh There she is The Female Titan! Ooohh Uhhh I’ts intelligent and it’s fast and it’s female Three things they didn’t really know about titans Well the speed Ooooh Ho Oh Ho Run Armin! Hello! She’s gonna be my friend Why indeed Did you guys see that, see that ****? Chase her Armin are a smarty pants? I probably said who it was already didn’t I? There is nothing we can ****ing do! Mama Mama Just Fight! Fight! Take out her ****ing legs! Ooauh God Some Titans have the ability to harden certain body parts. Hardened parts cannot be properly damaged. Weaken them by attacking other pats instead. Yeah You can’t attack the penis, Cause they can make it hard (O_O) Titans don’t have weens That was it? That should have been a lot harder that that You okay? Female Titan? Hello? Excuse Me! Dude we’re awesome! Yes, I’m going to help them Excuse me, sorry I have a sale that I need to go to Half off on blonde hair dye Oh God I Ma come too! I need blonde hair Ah ****, this one’s closer We’re coming buddy! **** I have no gas Heh, Only inside of my ass Come on dudes Nice Okay, Flashes are good against these guys Aahhh Nice! I’m ****in kicking ass as Armin Well, I guess it’s cause everybody else is kicking ass For me Ahh, get the other arm Get his neck Get his neck bro Nice, Thanks fellers You guys are awesome Go squad Armin! Nah screw it Go squad Jack! Go squad Jack! We deserve a little praise every now and then Female Titan has begun fighting in the ruined village! Well Female Titan can just wait no We should fight her because then I could use this thing I could use my super power up thing then I could come back and help this person after and then get it again Dude she’s ****ing up everything! Stop it! Mama mama! I need I need items please Ooohhh you have an annoying voice Just stop talking like forever ow christ Armin get up get up drink yes Sorry, I still really really enjoy the game and I still have a lot of fun doing it but Yatta~~ Ok cool I’m not talking to you yet I wanna go over to you Equipment modification blades yes ahhhh that feels good nice I still need 6750 for that almost 6350 now uhhhm yeah theres no new blades or anything these things have a lot of durability but their sharpness goes way down mine is 106 minus 290 my sharpness is everything to me sharp is attack HELLO Reiner Sounds good reiner let’s make haste please be safe we’re not done with the female titan though for now we are oh but we’ll be seeing her big colossal booty again soon I’m gonna kick the **** out of it again that was good that last time really tore chunks out of her come on I do wanna look at his face the forest of giant trees pee pee oh black smoke there she is I’ll run her dudes she’s terrifying is she behind us wait where is she oh I’m Levi oh ok i thought i was Arron eh oh would you stop ****ing going that direction Christ Oh common I’m trying to do the spin attack properly common I wanna kill em I’m not facing his ****ing neck that’t why heeeh now everyone else is doing it I should just call this episode frustration Escort arron while retrating to the target fine i’ll just ****ing do this then screw fighting titans who would even wanna do that only a bitch am i supposed to do it now oh ok oh that does do massive dammage sweet so I was doing it way to close to them last time Levi should be able to take them out really really well but I was like Bbboosting at them and then trying to do it so I wasn’t doing the full spin Get up on the horse leeeuhhh what are we doing we are still moving foward ok i’m going this way **** everything else okay I’m making you guys fan out because keep attacking the titans when I’m trying to attack the titans And then none of us attack them properly there we go that’s what I should be doing was that it I don’t know you were the guy who was telling me what I was doing right and wrong, so you’re gonna have to tell me Are we good? Subjugate the Titans and secure a movement path oh okay Th-this guy? That was it! But even that wasn’t right! I ****in missed! Did you see the spin I got goin? God damn it was like a tumbleweed of blades That was awesome! Oh god, Female Titan Ohhhh god Ohhh g- move, move, move Let’s go Sumimasen Ah yeup That’s cool and all buuut… uh Female Titan, yeah This isn’t gonna work Not enough speed! huugh Last time I was doing too much ****in’ speed Too many drugs are being had Too much speed It’s fine Where’s my horse, here Let’s go Let’s go pony Okay I need so these flashy bangs Cuz they’re actually reeeally helpful Yeeeaah that’s ****in fuuun! Oh this guys weird Nice! like erm- Levi’s hard to control! I was doin better with him when I was just- when I wasn’t doing the attacks properly Cuz now I’m trying to do them but I’m always like facing a lot of the targets and then a lot of **** happens with like oh not enough speed heeeyup See that- that works just as well I’m happy with that Not enough speed again! I’ll show you speeeeed! Cuz you need a lot of distance to start doing that attack but I can’t lock on from that ****in’ far away Maybe I can There we go Yeup, I don’t know what you’re saying but that’s cool Yeah Eren what’s going through your stupid mind right now Niiice, there it is That was perfect Ju- sit here and listen So how you guys doing? You good? Cool Are we done? Uuhhh ow Levi save us! She took him and ran! I. Failed? I don’t ****ing care about that Titan, the front one! You…slice of anus (?) I did it right? That’s it? Can keep moving? Eren has stopped moving Why has Eren stopped moving?! There’s nothing here Do I have to like stick to his ass all the time? Eren you’re a big boy Get away the **** away Michael! *laughs* You’re a big boy you- you put on big pants today right? Can you-can you ****ing mo- Can you stop stopping? Keep- keep going yeah Atta boy Eren! I’m so proud of you today fella I’m trying to have positive reinforcement for a change Instead of wanting to rip him a new asshole (?) Like I really really want to do But I’m not going to do that to my boy Eren Cuz, I mean He lost his mom, and all that **** but I mean come on Eren that was like a year ago You’re not over it by now? Eren has stopped moving Of course he has Because the AI has deemed it necessary to stop Mother of god Stop clumping together now Okay fan out all ye bastards Mooove! This is the exact same thing that happened last time and that’s why I lost Are you serious?! He’s stuck in the ****ing bushes! Come on man! What am I supposed to do against this? Oh that’s Petra Where’s Eren then? Ah there he is come on you ****ers oh Christ Oh come on- come on Eren. Come on keep going Did I just fail again? I think I did it this time Ye-yes oh thank god Cuz Eren wants to turn into a Titan and fight her But everyone else is saying no stick with the plan and keep moving Even if we’re losing friends There you go Ha ha ha You’re ****ed now lady! So awesome Ow ow ow ow ow *laughs* noice oh there’s some in her boobs (Uhm???) Did you just call me Baka? I ain’t no idiot oh this is going to be bad yeah All S- B- S’s again That’s BS to the S yo okay Frustration averted. Thank god, okay Well I’m going to leave this episode here sorry that some of that again got very frustrating very yell-y and everything Cuz I don’t want to make it- I don’t want to turn it into some thing rage-y or anything like that But you can see some of my frustration Well some of that was my fault. Some of that was my fault for not like realizing that Eren was stuck behind and then going back to get him and those kind of things but We got here in the end, we did it, we made it guys You- you and me oh Finally at the end. Next time! We’re going to find out who’s inside the Female Titan Or are we? *giggles* But thank you guys! so much for watching this episode! If you liked it, punch the Like button in the face! LIKE A BOSS! And… high-fives all around. *high-five smacks* Thank you guys and I will see all you dudes IN THE NEXT VIDEOOO! I’m all itchy I’m either too warm or I’m getting hives Either way I don’t like it (Thanks for watching!)