The Pentagon Wars – A product management lesson

we have met that objective and then some the Bradley armored personnel carrier will bring troops to a combat zone swiftly efficiently and safely it will hold 11 men plus a driver and features a 20 millimeter cannon which will provide ample firepower and at the same time flexibility lightly armored speedy and solidly engineered our troops will be arriving at the battlefield and the very finest American technology has to offer and a million and a half per hour real bargain nice work colonel outstanding damn impressive in other words it was designed to be a big taxicab drive guys to the battlefield and go back home but how did you end up with a turret on top but this is all well and good colonel Smith but something wrong general well with this gorilla in production I don't suppose there's gonna be anything left in the budget for my Scout down it Bob you don't need Scouts you have radar arrey comm satellites you always need a scout and you know what I'm thinking why couldn't this thing serve as a scout but it's a it's a troop carrying general but this is a speedy vehicle why can't it be both well for one thing it's too big and for the other you can't really see out all that much from inside sounds like a design flaw to me design flaw but no no we'll just take a turret on top with lots of opticals but then sir it'll be even bigger well what's your problem Smith not elegant enough for you well the thing is general is kind of hard to do a sneak and peek when you're over 10 feet tall he's got a point Bob all I know is we need a scout this is fast enough to do the job and it's funded well actually we're a hair over budget you turn the Bradley into a scout we're gonna be selling them off to some El Presidente de chimie Chonga in no time anything for surveillance ends up south of the border before the paint even dries when you needed that anti-aircraft gun who backed you up on that you're dead ba and who testified to appropriations on behalf of that gun you did Bob I'm talking to appropriations next week now do I sell you on my scout or do I not you did Bob and how about some portholes along the side for individual firearms so the fellas can stick out their guns and shoot people good you know what colonel we already have the turret we got to get the biggest bang we can up there I'm sorry bang sir you can't hurt anybody would that pansy-ass gun add on some firepower where am I supposed to fit the extra RAM oh I don't know can you just shift things around make some room you already got 4,400 rounds of machine gun ammo now you want to add 25 millimeter shell general wants his ammo you can't have his animal unless he runs alongside this thing carrying it well can you just squeeze it in no oh come on just squeeze it in we're not trying on Levi's here Colonel are you telling me that in a vehicle this size you can't find room for a few rounds of ammunition not in its current configuration no sir southern configurations wrong there must be something you can don't dump sir something you don't need general the interior is very spare besides the ammunition and the men maybe you can leave one of the fellows behind with the ammo where the men go sir it is a troop carrier so make a couple extra trips what's the difference they want a transport that doesn't carry man and a scout that's got a cannon as big as it tanks on and portholes oh great portholes so the guys can shoot out whatever they can't hit with their cannon you don't have to buy the damn thing Jones just draw it that's one hell of a cannon that's a problem why you go out in the battlefield with this pecker sticking out of your turret Nana Me's gonna unloading you with all I got might as well paint a big red bullseye on the side but it's a troop carrier not a tank did you want me to put a sign on it in 50 languages I'm a troop carrier not a tank please don't shoot at me this was gonna be so beautiful that's good work Smith looks perfect to me thank you sir thing is yes general looks a little like a tank with that cannon on top probably gonna draw more fire actually sir that has come to our attention we know it's not a tank but will the other side I guess we could always thicken the armor tough enough to hide a bit Colonel Smith could you explain why you put those portholes there oh yes sir as per your request so the men could shoot out at the enemy you're joking aren't you besides portholes what are we in now the Navy say you think you could make this thing amphibious you know get the troops across a river No uh no sir vibius the Bradley's supposed to swim in theory at least the fibbies troop carrier / scout / tank a couple more months I bet they can get this thing to fly what's this in the margin please help me I am losing my mind RLS Lieutenant Colonel Robert Laurel Smith said of oversight and development aluminum this thing's got an aluminum skin huh anything an enemy tank fires that is gonna go through it like a hot knife through butter we're doing the specs on using steel rather than aluminum of course steel is much heavier than aluminum so it won't go as fast no we can't lose speed we lose speed it won't work as a scout vehicle it won't keep pace with it in one tax either thicker armor is a reactive measure let's think proactive here I say equip the thing with anti-tank missiles then it can blast those enemy tanks before they get a chance to fire what do you think colonel fine anti-tank missiles don't know where do I put them the men will have to wear the missiles as hats I don't know Jones that's why you get paid the big bucks Colonel there's no room we're not talking about a pair Levi's I know I know god damn it what we are talking about is 11 years with nothing to show for it except that also the size of the District of Columbia on a career that's on a permanent hole you see this I've been I've been a bird Colonel so long I swear I've gone feathers now if you have to design hats to hold us goddamn missiles then just do it ladies and gentlemen if I can have your attention please if you'd all just take your seats thank you we are pleased to present a scale model of the new Bradley Fighting Vehicle [Applause] you an anti-tank capabilities and carries six men how many was it supposed to carry eleven Bradley is outfitted with the most sophisticated surveillance equipment ever developed it is also equipped with a rapid-fire cannon and an anti-tank rocket launcher which means it's loaded with 1,500 shells and ten tow anti-tank missiles so in summation gentlemen what you have before you is a tube transport that can't carry troops a reconnaissance vehicle that's too conspicuous to do reconnaissance and of course I tank that has less armor than a snowblower God has enough ammo to take out half of DC fantastic congratulations

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