Things Michelle Obama Couldn’t Say as First Lady


YOU’RE A FIRST LADY. I SPOKE TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS ALSO, BECAUSE HE JOKES AROUND A LOT, BUT THEN YOU REALIZE, LIKE, OH, I HAVE TO MAYBE REEL IT IN BECAUSE OF THE POSITION I HAVE. BUT YOU’RE NOT FIRST LADY ANYMORE.>>I AM NOT.>>Jimmy: AND AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, YOU CAN CUT LOOSE AND REALLY SAY ANYTHING NOW, RIGHT?>>YES.>>Jimmy: SO WHAT I’VE DONE IS I’VE GOT A SERIES OF CARDS HERE.>>WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?>>Jimmy: I’VE WRITTEN SOME THINGS DOWN AND IF YOU ARE — >>YOU’VE WRITTEN SOME STUFF DOWN.>>Jimmy: IF YOU’RE GAME FOR THIS, MAYBE HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN SAY.>>YOU WANT ME TO LOOK AT THOSE CARDS AND JUST READ — >>Jimmy: DON’T LOOK AT THEM. JUST READ WHAT I WROTE. START WITH THAT ONE. AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA RIGHT THERE SO WE FEEL — LOOK AT THAT ONE. SORRY. YEAH.>>I’VE NEVER EATEN A VEGETABLE.>>Jimmy: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. HERE’S ANOTHER ONE.>>THAT’S NOT TRUE. THE WHOLE EIGHT YEARS WE WERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE, WE USED LAURA BUSH’S NETFLIX PASSWORD.>>Jimmy: REALLY? WOW. A REVELATION.>>LAURA, SORRY. SEND ME THE BILLS.>>Jimmy: THERE YOU GO.>>I’M NOT SURE WHICH ONE’S SASHA AND WHICH ONE’S MALIA. YOU KNOW, THEY AGREE. THEY GET SO MAD EVERY TIME I MESS THEIR NAMES UP. I’M LIKE, WHO ARE YOU.>>Jimmy: PART OF BEING A PARENT.>>THE GAME THAT SASHA PLAYS WITH ME IS THAT WHEN WE’RE WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, SHE’LL CALL ME MOM, MOM, MOM, AND I DON’T HEAR AND SHE’S LIKE, MICHELLE. MICHELLE OBAMA. AND I LOOK UP AND SHE’S LIKE, SEE?>>Jimmy: COUPLE MORE. THESE ARE IMPORTANT.>>I STOLE THE PHRASE, WHEN THEY GO LOW, WE GO HIGH FROM THE BACK OF A SNAPPLE CAP.>>Jimmy: TWO MORE.>>BARRY, BE QUIET AND HOLD MY PURSE.>>Jimmy: AND YOUR FINAL OUTRAGEOUS STATEMENT TO MAKE NOW THAT YOU’RE NO LONGER FIRST LADY.>>CLOONEY IS MY FREEBIE.>>Jimmy: MICHELLE OBAMA,

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